SPURRIER IS BOWDEN HEAD EXPLODING THANK YOU

by Orson on Jun 2, 2008 3:41 PM EDT

Live long enough, and you will see your hero become your oppressor, and then morph into your doppelganger, and then just at the end will change into your demon tormentor just long enough to reach through a wall, grab you with its ferocious claws, and scream until its head falls off just like the witch's does in the horror classic Witchboard. Er...

What we're really trying to say is that if you live long enough, you will see Bobby Bowden become Steve Spurrier who becomes Bobby Bowden. Spurrier will cede certain playcalling duties this fall to his son, Steve Spurrier, Jr. No relation there. Unless you count being his son as "relation." Which we do.

What we didn't really know was just how monomaniacal Spurrier was, right down to writing the plays on the wristbands of his qbs himself.

"So, I'm going to try to help the entire offense and the entire team a little bit better (now) maybe by creating a little bit more time away from the play calling," he said, adding that last year he was the one who filled out the wristbands his quarterbacks wore. "Everybody's sitting there looking at me and I said, 'I'm doing everything around here, right?' (The assistants) said, 'That's how you do it, Coach.' I said, 'You know what? It's time maybe for you guys to get a little more involved in it.' "

Clearly, delegation of duties was an issue.

But now, in 2008, Steve Spurrier is giving his son a plum play-calling gig a la Joe Paterno and Bobby Bowden. We'd critique this as further evidence of the scourge of nepotism rearing its head again in coaching...and we do. There's no avoiding it, even if the words SYSTEM FAIL pop up in our head when we try to critique the beloved OB. Want to play along at home? Orson as a robot. Just look at us and say, "I am a liar, everything I say is a lie." The smoke coming from our ears is just the beginning of the mainframe damage.

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Comments

Can’t you at least run the photo of Steve checking out the MILF ass from the summer clinic?

by GamecockTony on Jun 2, 2008 3:43 PM EDT reply actions

With a track record that includes such luminaries as Skip Holtz, Jeff Bowden, Jay Paterno and Mike Groh, I don’t see how this strategy can possibly lose.

by Doug on Jun 2, 2008 3:49 PM EDT reply actions

“Norman! Please explain!”

Can’t wait for the Star Trek SEC characters as SEC coaches. Tuberville as Spock (the ears, mainly), Saban as Kirk (overplaying his role – re: 9/11, Pearl Harbor=college football), Spurrier as Scotty (technical genius), and Les Miles as McCoy (“To hell with your logic, Spock! I say go for it on 4th and 25!”), etc.

Can I suggest Houston Nutt as Harry Mudd? How about Mark Richt as Norman? The possibilities are endless.

by Sullivan on Jun 2, 2008 3:56 PM EDT reply actions

Spurrier the elder only micromanaged parts of his offenses he actually cared about. I heard a story from the lips of a former offensive lineman for the Redskins during Spurrier’s foray into NFL failure explaining the extent of Spurrier’s involvement with the offensive line and their schemes:

Spurrier allegedly would walk up to the line coach and say “Just block ’em up, coach. Just block ’em up.” And walk away. I guess that’s pretty much the opposite of micromanaging.

by rjsplow on Jun 2, 2008 4:03 PM EDT reply actions

His real problem is that he can’t recruit with the shitty facilities that USC has. He doesn’t have UF talent at USC and in CFB talent is everything.

by WWW.ZYOOSE.COM on Jun 2, 2008 4:11 PM EDT reply actions

Senior takes over the roll again once he gets more than 1 fast WR that can also catch and get separation and a QB with smarts and a cannon (sure, sex cannon if you want) for an arm. Until then, Jr can run the same tired draw, screen, handoffs, and false-start plays. Sr’s working on his club grip between downs for now.

by Out of Conference on Jun 2, 2008 4:12 PM EDT reply actions

#4: Which explains why our offensive line has been the weakest unit on the team since Spurrier arrived.

#5: How, ffs, would you possibly know how shitty/not shitty that SC’s facilities are? Were you recently being recruited by multiple SEC schools?

by woooooohooooooooo on Jun 2, 2008 4:24 PM EDT reply actions

Oh by the way – I am anxiously awaiting the day your hero becomes a UofF fan’s oppressor. Sure a victory in Cola, and a Jervis Moss who likes to get high made things tricky in the Swamp, but other than that… I greatly look forward to Spurrier oppressing Gator fans.

by Out of Conference on Jun 2, 2008 4:25 PM EDT reply actions

- Phil Fulmer as the Star Ship Enterprise.

by hobeg8r on Jun 2, 2008 4:29 PM EDT reply actions

Phil Fulmer as the Star Ship Enterprise.

Come now, Philip isn’t that big. A runabout, maybe.

by I R A Darth Aggie on Jun 2, 2008 5:18 PM EDT reply actions

- Mangino’s real estate agent as Uranus.

by Out of Conference on Jun 2, 2008 5:18 PM EDT reply actions

Phil Fulmer could only be partially beamed.

by Bagger Douche on Jun 2, 2008 5:30 PM EDT reply actions

Hey Jeff Bowden can lend Jr. his play book. It only has four plays. Should be pretty easy to call.

by Pat on Jun 2, 2008 5:47 PM EDT reply actions

[REDACTED] would be happy to fax SOS Jr his playbook.

by Brian O'Blivion on Jun 2, 2008 5:55 PM EDT reply actions

South Carolina where legendary coaches go to get their son into coaching. I really think that is the only reason Spurrier and Holtz went there so they could give their son a prominent coaching position a decent school so their careers can jump start.

by Bob on Jun 2, 2008 5:58 PM EDT reply actions

I think all this means is that Jr. will now make out the playbands. No way the mad scientist gives up in game duties.

by Last Dragon on Jun 2, 2008 6:08 PM EDT reply actions

- yep… history is definitely repeating itself here.

I can only hope it culminates with Spurrier running over himself with his own car like Holtz did. (forgot to put it in park after stopping at his mailbox).

by fdog on Jun 2, 2008 7:05 PM EDT reply actions

To paraphrase Mike Leach, “If the coach ain’t coaching, he’s just there to shake hands.”

by Lee on Jun 2, 2008 9:17 PM EDT reply actions

“Dad? Is this play OK Dad? … Dad?”

by Craig on Jun 2, 2008 9:18 PM EDT reply actions

@15:

To be fair, Skip Holtz has turned out to be a decent coach.

by George on Jun 2, 2008 9:53 PM EDT reply actions

You forgot Donnan’s and Herrick’s kids at UGA. We all know how well that turned out. Spurrier has yet to find His QB at Carolina. He doesn’t need a 5 star, just a good QB that is smart, coachable, and diligent in his work habits. Garcia doesn’t seem to fit the bill. Untill He finds that QB His offense will struggle, no matter Who calls the plays.

by shanensga on Jun 3, 2008 1:46 AM EDT reply actions