CORRECTIONS, 5/30/08

by Holly Anderson on May 30, 2008 1:08 PM EDT

Monday's Ryan Perrilloux Memorial Police Blotter misidentified a man killed by Pittsburgh police while "holding [a] meat cleaver and mumbling with a vacant look in his eyes" as the troubled former LSU quarterback. This story was based on inaccurate (though entirely plausible) sourcing, and we regret the error.

On Wednesday, we reported that during a blocking drill in a Notre Dame defensive practice, a collision occurred between Pat Kuntz and co-defensive coordinator Jon Tenuta. The description follows:

...he decelerated from 120 miles per hour to 0 in 1.4 seconds, and gained two huge black eyes from the force of his own slammed-forward eyeballs punching him on the inside of the face. The impact blinded him for two days, during which we must imagine his response was to walk around and simply dare the world to put things in his way. Oh, and he also broke his back, arm, wrist, lost six fillings and the icing on the cake? He got a hernia.

This came not from any actual description of reality, but from a Cracked.com top six list describing the exploits of rocket tester John Paul Stapp. Stapp survived these injuries. Kuntz, however, died on impact with Tenuta. We regret the error.

Tuesday's Pac-10 Offseason Roundup reported that senior USC linebacker Rey Maualuga was being held without bail in a West Virginia detention facility after being charged with biting a twelve-year-old girl's arm in a Wal-Mart. Megan Templeton was, in fact, stung by a scorpion that had stowed away in a shipment of watermelons. We regret the error.

Monday featured a "Halcyon Tussles of Too-Recent Yesteryear"
segment on the combatants in the 2003 Iowa/Iowa State game. In the report, we listed the weather in Ames as "overcast with scattered showers and hovering in the high seventies." This was inaccurate; as several readers pointed out, the usual all-season conditions in Ames involve "biting daggerwind laced with ribbons of pissfire, a rain of burning slagshit, and periodic storms of boulder-sized burning balls of yak hair tumbling from the angry, indifferent heavens." Thanks to reader Ted for pointing this out and providing the vivid description. We regret the error.

In Monday's Where Are They Now feature, former Michigan linebacker Pierre Woods was inaccurately quoted as saying he intends to seek a job in broadcast journalism after retiring from professional football. Woods is in fact intent on pursuing a literary career and will self-publish his first book, A Children's Treasury of Side-Boob, in September. We regret the error.

On Thursday, we reported that Phil Fulmer placed fourth in the money stakes for the King Crab season on this year's The Deadliest Catch. This was inaccurate, as Fulmer performed better than that, finishing second, especially impressive since he catches and holds his crab-haul without the benefit of a boat. Corrected standings follow.

1. Time Bandit, $1.3 million
2. Phil Fulmer, $1.1 million
3. Northwestern, $929,000
4. Cornelia Marie $815,000
5. Ralph Friedgen, $542,000 (-$325,000 lost to "snacking.")

We regret the error. Edgar Hansen rules.

On Wednesday this publication mistranslated an Agence France-Presse story on the spread of hepatitis and HIV in Iran. The Iranian government blames the country's skyrocketing narcotic addiction rates on "the common border with opium-producing Afghanistan", not "Bobby Petrino". We regret the error.

On Monday, we reported that Auburn's Sen'Derrick Marks had turned down the opportunity to be the cover story for SI this fall. This was incorrect; in fact, he has already agreed to the profile, and has completed his photography for the cover.

Marks: just wants the chance to roam free with dignity.

We regret the error.

Thus ends the Corrections. Enjoy your weekend.

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Comments

Mark Mangino wants to know when he’ll receive his invite to the King Crab competition, how many you have to eat to win, fried or broiled, and if dipping them in BBQ sauce and mayonnaise is allowed…

by beckett on May 30, 2008 1:20 PM EDT reply actions

/Checks Amazon.com for Pierre’s work.

Damnit! Foiled again!

by GamecockTony on May 30, 2008 1:24 PM EDT reply actions

Hey Orson,

Did you see which group Pete Carrol joined recently? Perhaps he has seen the future in his meditations?

http://www.facebook.com/s.php?k=100000004&id=17985169848&gr=2

by Walrus on May 30, 2008 1:30 PM EDT reply actions

given perriloux’s sad and tragic shenanigans rather than violent crimes, shouldn’t he have been holding a plaintain or something instead? the incoherent mumbling is on point though.

by CK on May 30, 2008 1:40 PM EDT reply actions

What, no mention of Edgar reportedly taking a hook to the head on the deck of Northwestern was actually Fulmer’s claw defending his donut?

by Out of Conference on May 30, 2008 1:42 PM EDT reply actions

Still unfunny.

by JFW on May 30, 2008 2:00 PM EDT reply actions

And here I thought “the deadliest catch” was the one made in the vicinity of Reggie Nelson.

by MaconDawg on May 30, 2008 2:01 PM EDT reply actions

@7: How. True.

by Holly on May 30, 2008 2:04 PM EDT reply actions

Tommy Tuberville’s running a dirty outfit on Axemen.

by Bagger Douche on May 30, 2008 2:06 PM EDT reply actions

deadliest catch = greatest reality show ever.
hansons (king crab not mmmbop) = coolest family ever

by gerry dorsey on May 30, 2008 2:23 PM EDT reply actions

Dream Trio of a CFB staff: Orgeron as head coach, Tenuta as DC and Sig Hansen as OC.

by DC Domer on May 30, 2008 2:30 PM EDT reply actions

Orson, that is NOT Mr Marks on the cover of SI. You can’t fool us.

It’s Charlie Weis before his morning shave. And, yes he does want to roam free with dignity as long as its near a Taco Bell or Burger King.

by yoyofutbawl on May 30, 2008 3:18 PM EDT reply actions

#7: Mohamed Massaquoi disagrees with you. He says he ain’t touchin dat shit.

by Aerobab on May 30, 2008 3:19 PM EDT reply actions

What did MoMa say the last time he was in Jax?

I recall seeing him in the end zone, ball in hand.

Ah, my love/hate relationship with Georgia.

Definitely my favorite squad in the SEC, but the minute they exit conference play I want to see them lose embarrassingly to whomever they face.

by Coop on May 30, 2008 3:24 PM EDT reply actions

Tuesdays Pac-10 Offseason Roundup reported that senior USC linebacker Rey Maualuga was being held without bail in a West Virginia detention facility after being charged with biting a twelve-year-old girls arm in a Wal-Mart.

This error is unforgivable, Swindle. You know Maualuga will never go to jail. He owns the police.

by The Song of Hiawatha Francisco on May 30, 2008 3:36 PM EDT reply actions

senderrick marks is one mean sob in the middle.he really dosent get the press he deserves.hard to go inside for runners.im telling you,watch his progress next two years!

by brian on May 30, 2008 3:44 PM EDT reply actions

I still don’t understand how I can’t stop watching a reality show about a bunch of guys staggering around on a boat…but i love it.

by robert on May 30, 2008 3:51 PM EDT reply actions

THREADJACK: smart underage kids getting their drunk on at Duke!

too lazy to post link

by Out of Conference on May 30, 2008 4:42 PM EDT reply actions

@ 16

you knock on wood this INSTANT!

that is all

by Just a Fan on May 30, 2008 4:47 PM EDT reply actions

OoC – heard about it on Charlotte sports radio yesterday. Apparently some folk like to call the school DUIke.

by Year2-Dave on May 30, 2008 4:56 PM EDT reply actions

A Children’s Treasury of the Side Boob.

Another week, another chortle.

by Joshua on May 30, 2008 6:50 PM EDT reply actions

And in further proof we have no sense of humor, I’ll point out that Pat Kuntz was academically ineligible for spring ball and could not have had said collision with Coach Tenuta on that additional basis.

by J in SD on May 30, 2008 7:07 PM EDT reply actions

question:

what is more amazing? the fact that no cheesecake was delivered?? or the fact that nobody bitched about there not being any cheesecake??

by gerry dorsey on May 30, 2008 7:22 PM EDT reply actions

Hmmm, no cheesecake, the absence of which impacts the bottom line of tangible ASSets of EDSBS inc. (NYSE BNDA).

Could there be dissension on the board? Or perhaps a maturing of the CEO?

Short term….Strong buy due to the established groundwork and the exploitation of evidently low capital management of Holly/LSUfreek.

Sell short only if continued non-productivity in the gluteus maximus R&D department continues. In other words………….where the heck is my Cheesecake?

by hunglikehussain on May 30, 2008 7:33 PM EDT reply actions

No bunda? Headly would not be pleased.

by socalbryan on May 30, 2008 8:28 PM EDT reply actions

I’m a guy, but I totally agree with Holly on the cheesecake. If you seriously are having problems finding scantily-clad women on the Internet, then I have no idea how you managed to post comments successfully.

Take your complaints, remove negative words (no, not, etc), then paste them into Google and you’ll probably find what you want on the first search result page.

by Year2-Dave on May 30, 2008 9:07 PM EDT reply actions

Cheesecake is finished. We love doing everything about this site except for cheesecake, which felt like a chore at the end of the week unworthy of effort.

Blame blog commentator studs.

by Orson Swindle on May 30, 2008 9:15 PM EDT reply actions

My God, it’s a general uprising. Brian at MGoBlog went off on this practice yesterday (excepting the cheesecake, actually). Still, a golf clap for you and anyone else who discontinues the “HURR HURR BOOBS” posts.

by poguemahone on May 30, 2008 11:14 PM EDT reply actions

Good Gawd…you have hit my funny bone with a sledgehammer. My chest is heaving so bad, I fear I may start lactating.

Exemplary transcendent humor……which is the type of humor that arouses the neighbors curiosity of why HLH is mowing his grass and simultaneously breaking out in fits, yes FITS, of unprovoked laughter.

If you happen to see an otherwise normal man in an aisle at ACE/LOWES/HOME DEPOT laughing while looking at the power cord of an UL approved appliance, rest assured, he is sane, just a victim of contemporary wit.

Well Done!

by hunglikehussain on May 30, 2008 11:31 PM EDT reply actions

Brian’s right, but he didn’t precipitate this—last Friday’s was the final, pissy au revoir.

by Orson Swindle on May 30, 2008 11:48 PM EDT reply actions

Wow, cool. I lived on the same street as “meat cleaver” guy.

by Z on May 31, 2008 1:14 AM EDT reply actions

WE WILL NOT END THE COUNTDOWN, MGOBLOG. hitches up pants, spits in general Ann Arborly direction

by Holly on May 31, 2008 11:49 AM EDT reply actions

Man.

Harvey Korman lost on Thursday.

Bunda dies on Friday.

What’s next? A canceled CFB season?

by NRBQ on May 31, 2008 1:43 PM EDT reply actions

Well at least don’t discontinue Moustache Wednesday. How could that ever become a chore?

by Vol on May 31, 2008 2:23 PM EDT reply actions

Corrections>Cheesecake

Holly is right. Bouquet. Bricks to the juveniles.

/here for the funny

by hunglikehussain on May 31, 2008 8:57 PM EDT reply actions

Orson making fun of Marks…what a laugh…

Try to get through the first 8 bio pics from this team without pissing your pants from laughing, and the house will buy you a beer.

http://www.gatorzone.com/football/bios.php

by KT on May 31, 2008 10:17 PM EDT reply actions

OK, while I appreciate being “right”, the whole “IT’S HARD TO FIND NAKED LADIES ON THE INTERNET” thing was a pointed joke, nothing more. I’m pro-cheesecake (see last week’s post!), just anti-douchebag. Kisses!

by Holly on Jun 1, 2008 2:18 AM EDT reply actions