THE OFFICIAL FLORIDA T-SHIRT

by Orson on May 29, 2008 10:30 AM EDT

The official Florida football student t-shirt isn't here, and it's because you haven't made it yet, you inconsiderate twat. Florida's soliciting student designs for their football t-shirt, and though our days as a Florida student are far, far past us, we can play dirty tricks and humbly submit the following designs for free.

In case you wonder how things work here at EDSBS, it usually flows like this at Swindle Manor: someone has an idea or steals one, things get way, way too far out of hand, and then someone posts it. (Kind of like the Iraq war, actually, but without all the dead babies and traumatic brain injuries. Okay, well, just minus the dead babies, but the TBI came long, long before we got this far into this mess.)

In this case, we merely sent LSUFreek the words "Dr. Tebow" and the original article. The rest just sort of mutated in his hands. We can't stop him--we can only hope to point him in the right direction and let him do the rest, dear reader.

Without further ado: the EDSBS submissions for the Florida t-shirt.

1. Dr. Tebow.

2. Created by God.

3. Not Gay If You Call It First.

4. Adamantium 15.

(Unavailable for production to to prohibitively expensive materials cost.)

5. "Brian's Song."

Students of Florida, please: steal these and submit them at will. When twenty-thousand blue backs shine up at us in the fall from the top of the student section we have entered with a dead man's ID, and they all read "Filipino Foreskin Flayer," we will be able to die a happy and fulfilled man.

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Comments

Rod Benson’s going to need royalties for #3.

Other than that, I vote #1 whole-heartedly. That is, if Tel Aviv A+M hasn’t trademarked it first.

by Ground0EastLansing on May 29, 2008 10:34 AM EDT reply actions

“Dr. Tebow” would look better if there were a foreskin attached to his forehead in lieu of the hand’s free lighting.

by Aerobab on May 29, 2008 10:38 AM EDT reply actions

#1, I see Tebow doing commercials for the Royal Deluxe III when he gets out of college

Reference here

by crane on May 29, 2008 10:39 AM EDT reply actions

What no “Florida Football 2008: This year with flame retardant secondary!”

by maskedavenger on May 29, 2008 10:40 AM EDT reply actions

I vote for #1, any chance we can get the matching Jorts and Crocs (orange color of course)?

by Pat on May 29, 2008 10:58 AM EDT reply actions

i support #3. its like when you’re playing “horse,” you gotta call “bank.”

by gerry dorsey on May 29, 2008 11:02 AM EDT reply actions

Re #5: The younger kids go for orange Dickies, not the jorts. Maybe when we’re older.

by mlmintampa on May 29, 2008 11:04 AM EDT reply actions

I vote for #2 sans the shirtless Tebow picture

by Bunkie Perkins on May 29, 2008 11:11 AM EDT reply actions

Tebow: Only the Penitent Man Shall Pass

by Chips O'Toole on May 29, 2008 11:26 AM EDT reply actions

As far as I can tell by my parents’ (and all other folks from the PI I’ve ever encountered), it should probably read “Pilipino Poreskin Player.”

Which just might be as awesome.

by gatorphunk on May 29, 2008 11:29 AM EDT reply actions

you are correct. I was blindsided thinking this was for the average person not a student. I stand corrected. Orange Dickies for all!

by Pat on May 29, 2008 11:32 AM EDT reply actions

maskedavenger, that would be more than a bit dishonest. I do see the flammable label on their jerseys have moved from 4 to 3 but that doesn’t mean much. Gasoline is a 3. I still wouldn’t smoke around them.

by Dante on May 29, 2008 11:40 AM EDT reply actions

- instant classic

by Last Dragon on May 29, 2008 11:42 AM EDT reply actions

Ground0EastLansing @1 – ah yes, Tel Aviv A&M, home of the Marauding Mohels:

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Snip ‘em clip ’em cut cut cut
We like shiksas they’re all sluts
Marauding mohels bust those nuts
Until our mothers bust their guts!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Temple Sinai and Beth-el
We’ll give those goys pure football hell
Marauding Mohels for the win
The only time we touch pigskin!"

Looks like I might actually have something to atone for next time I join the in-laws for fast-breaking.

by DC Trojan on May 29, 2008 11:50 AM EDT reply actions

Does LSUFreek have his own blog or is he the secret mercenary in the EDSBS arsenal of funny?

by That 5.0 Guy on May 29, 2008 12:14 PM EDT reply actions

Don’t be silly everyone knows that Tebow does not need and Admantium jersey, it’s already bonded to his entire skeleton. A more production friendly model for us mere mortals could be from Carbonadium.

Also, with gas prices continuing to rise, surely come up with a better use of a dead person’s credentials than to merely enter the student section in Gainesville. What? That’s been done and we decieded it was icky? Ah, nevermind… All the good ideas are taken. Damn.

by skinnyphatman on May 29, 2008 12:54 PM EDT reply actions