We present our quick roundup of new starters around then nation who are of great import. Next up: Defensive Tackle Omar Hunter, Florida.

School: University Florida. Non-smoking section. (Hopefully.)

Height: 6′ 2″

Weight: 297. Add in the lineman coefficient of (Sigma/underestimation*e to the power of summer snacking) and his real weight is somewhere between 305 and 973 pounds, to be precise. (Margin of error: 320 pounds.)

Body consistency: Defensive lineman, therefore finely marbled like a nice prime rib.

Position: Defensive tackle/block-devourer, hopefully

Pros: large and fast, a 4.9 defensive tackle who can bench 425 and squat 475 coming out of high school. Is described as “a trench worker,” meaning unlike some highly ranked physical specimens coming out of high school, Hunter actually enjoys the leg-snapping scrum line play and seems to have a temperament for mudbog blocking wars. Grippy, as in the kind of defensive lineman who if not making the tackle will at least get his hands on a guy and slow him down for the linebackers. Described as an ideal nose tackle, meaning his primary responsibility will be to take on one or more blockers and make better math for the defenders around him. Good enough grades and test scores to get Notre Dame on his ample tail; he decommitted from them to go to Florida, thus earning a sure comment in the thread below about his lack of character, slow feet, or general unsuitability for D-1 football from a Notre Dame alum. (We wager five comments in or thereabouts.)

DT/LG Omar Hunter - Notre Dame Commitment

Also: is a large, potentially able defensive tackle. Florida does not have these right now. This is called “upside.”

Cons: Is a freshman who will likely start from game one in the SEC due to mass disorder at the DT position. Already under immense pressure from Meyer, who dubbed the period after spring practice as “the Omar Hunter watch.” Will be relatively far from home. Standard potential array of “ballyhooed recruit comes to big-time” issues. Being a Florida football player, stands a one-in-fourteen chance of being arrested for marijuana possession just by signing letter-of-intent. Has a morbid fear of slugs.*

Sign: Capricorn, (December 27th.) From Astrology-Online.com:

Astrology’s bookkeeper, a Capricorn naturally has some tendencies to applaud in a defensive tackle:

They are reliable workers in almost any profession they undertake. They are the major finishers of most projects started by the ‘pioneering’ signs; with firm stick-to-it-ness they quickly become the backbone of any company they work for.

Hey, what’s this under health concerns? Umm…

Capricorn governs the knees, bones and skin, so its subjects may be liable to fractures and strains of the knees and other defects of the legs.

Goddammit.

Odor: When happy, a warm, vanilla-heavy scent of flour and eggs coalescing in a single flaky baked good; when unhappy or playing football, a forward note of pepper spray and burning tire.

Favorite board game involving cards with words on them: Uno, and he just tackled you for a loss with a draw four card, bitch.

Movie he always cries at: Truly, Madly, Deeply. Alan Rickman’s just so giving here, and the metaphors of language, love, and death never fail to make his heart ring like the strings of an Aeolian harp in the wind. Failing that, that Halo 3 commercial with the models and shit will do.

**Just guessing here.