OUR POLL SUCKS: WE FORGOT ABOUT TEXAS.
In our Sporting News column this week, we forgot about Texas, which is okay because the poll’s supposed to be a prime example of how NOT to put your poll together, something most commenters seemed to grok. In apology, though, we offer five of the finest songs about Texas ever written. We messed with you, Texas–lo siento. We blame our mock top 25, which sucks just as much as anyone else’s.
Waylon Jennings: “Luckenbach, Texas.”
Lyle Lovett: “That’s Right You’re Not From Texas.”
Revolting Cocks: “Beers, Steers, and Queers.”
No Intro Necessary.
Pantera: “Cowboys From Hell”
We also left out Wisconsin, but no one writes good songs about Milwaukee.
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1
D'Jango says:
What about the “Laverne and Shirley” theme song?
May 27th, 2008 at 11:11 am
2
socalbryan says:
All My Exes Live in Texas?
May 27th, 2008 at 11:13 am
3
Unhappy Monkey says:
“All My Exes Live in Texas?”
Mine too, +1.
May 27th, 2008 at 11:15 am
4
ThreenOut says:
Now that VY is gone Texas has returned to it’s normal form.
Pre-Season: Ranked top 10 baby! We rule all
September: Close calls vs. Arkie State and the like! “They were close but we’re still undefeated baby! Top 10 and deserved.”
October: “Eff the Sooner and Stoops. They’re cheaters. We can still win the south”
November: “After taking on the lower end of the Big XII north… back in the top 10 baby!!!”
Late-November: “We lost to the Aggies/some lower team but we’re clearly better and should still be in the top 10. BCS or bust!”
Suck it Peter.
; )
But really… Texas does always manage to get in there one way or another. Can’t say it’s not deserved despite the aggie of me.
May 27th, 2008 at 11:18 am
5
Mitch Cumstein says:
Luckenbach = Braddock?
May 27th, 2008 at 11:19 am
6
Mel says:
Maybe leaving Texas out isn’t that big of a deal. They lost a lot of receivers and the Big 12’s leading rusher. Colt McCoy threw 18 INTs to 22 TDs last year and they fielded the single worst passing defense in school history. The Big 12 is looking really tough this year too.
May 27th, 2008 at 11:21 am
7
austin dave says:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45DFVyriVI0
May 27th, 2008 at 11:28 am
8
austin dave says:
From Austin’s The Gourds:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCAM3C3dpIA
May 27th, 2008 at 11:33 am
9
Doug says:
And in a strange twist, it should be noted that Lyle Lovett is a Texas Aggie, and would likely be quite ok with the bovines from Austin out of the Top 25.
May 27th, 2008 at 11:33 am
10
The Gentleman Masher says:
Screw You, We’re From Texas by Ray Wylie Hubbard:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPbogQZV9Vc
http://lyricsplayground.com/alpha/songs/s/screwyouwerefromtexas.shtml
Also have to give a shout out to one of the few mainstream country songs I love – “Amarillo By Mornin’” by George Strait
May 27th, 2008 at 11:41 am
11
gerry dorsey says:
proof that although i live in texas, i am not a texan – and coincidentally a direct response to lyle’s song – lyle lovett f’ing blows really, really hard.
May 27th, 2008 at 11:41 am
12
The Gentleman Masher says:
Oh…and Amarillo Highway by Robert Earl Keen (written by Terry Allen):
http://youtube.com/watch?v=Rw-VIlPy0yI
May 27th, 2008 at 11:42 am
13
formerlyanonymous says:
“Screw You, We’re from Texas” –Ray Wylie Hubbard
“What I Like About Texas” – Gary P Nunn
“Texas in 1880″ – Foster & Lloyd
“Southbound 35″ – Pat Green
“I’ve been everywhere (in texas)” – Brian Burns
“100% Texan” – Kevin Fowler
“Songs About Texas” – Pat Green
“Miles of Texas” – Roger Creager
“Texas Time Travelin’” – Cory Morrow
dammit I’m so overwhelmed with pride for my republic its ridiculous.
May 27th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
14
Jerkwheat says:
I’m contemplating blasting Too Far Too Care from my cube in a show of solidarity
May 27th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
15
Kahuna says:
If it’s allowed in this survey to add a song focusing mostly on (the outskirts of) just one town in Texas, ZZ Top’s classic “La Grange” must absolutely be on the list. It’s amazing how peoples eyes light up in recognition when I simply go “how-how-how-how”…
May 27th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
16
Big Jon says:
China Grove, anyone?
Heh heh, “doobie.”
May 27th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
17
OLB says:
#14, Jerkwheat: +1 to you, sir.
May 27th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
18
NRBQ says:
Kinky Friedman.
“Asshole from El Paso.”
May 27th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
19
okiedomer says:
$50 says that when texass losses to OU this year, “edsbs forgot about us” will be mack’s texcuse
and everyone knows that if it wasn’t for Oklahoma cowboys and mexican whores, there wouldn’t even be a texass
seriously though, they may end up with 5 losses – OU bias aside, i think this is a rebuilding year for texass, and with the big 12 looking much tougher this year, i expect them to lose 4 games legitimately and the completely give up during a game for a 5th loss, b/c that’s just how texass rolls, durty
May 27th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
20
the croominator says:
Can’t believe “God Bless Texas” by Little…uh, Texas, didn’t make anyone’s list.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EBPWwSL4Rmk
May 27th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
21
the croominator says:
Have to post one more…a medley of Texas songs, sung by an Arkansan and a Mississippian…Johnny Cash and Charley Pride:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2-STKVns78
May 27th, 2008 at 1:47 pm
22
JTG says:
Whither Tanya Tucker’s “Texas (When I die)”?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=li6dFyW231o
When I die I may not go to heaven
I don’t know if they let cowboys in
If they don’t just let me go to Texas, Boy!
Texas is as close as I’ve been.
New York couldn’t hold my attention
Detroit City couldn’t sing my song
If tomorrow finds me busted flat in Dallas
I won’t care, ’cause at least I’ll know I’m home.
When I die I may not go to heaven
I don’t know if they let cowboys in
If they don’t just let me go to Texas, Boy!
Texas is as close as I’ve been.
I’d ride through all of Hell and half of Texas
Just to hear Willie Nelson sing a country song
Beer just ain’t as cold in old Milwaukee
My body’s here, but my soul’s in San Antone.
When I die I may not go to heaven
I don’t know if they let cowboys in
If they don’t just let me go to Texas, Boy!
Texas is as close as I’ve been.
When I die I may not go to heaven
I don’t know if they let cowboys in
If they don’t just let me go to Texas, Boy!
Texas is as close as I’ve been.
May 27th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
23
yoyofutbawl says:
10
The Great State of Arkansas claims “Snake Farm”. It fits.
Sadly, Oglahomy gets the rights to Up Against The Wall Redneck Mother, one of the two greatest C&W songs evere written.
May 27th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
24
UgasTexan says:
“The Front Porch Song” written by Robert Earl Keen and Lyle Lovett.
“Texas in My Soul” performed by Willie Nelson
“That’s What I Like” written and performed by Dale Watson
Get with it people.
May 27th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
25
UgasTexan says:
And… +1 cocktails to #14. +2 cocktails to Orson for Revolting Cocks. What? No Lee Hazelwood covering Dean Martin’s “Houston?”
Lastly, +5 cocktails for okiedomer for reminding me how no matter what Oklahoma blows and -1 cocktails to any and all references to Pat Green.
May 27th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
26
This Guy says:
Ahem…”El Paso”, Marty Robbins. A little corny? Perhaps. But it includes a lovelorn hero, alcohol-induced decision-making, a lovely but wicked Mexican girl, two gunfights and a death. That’s at least 85% of the C&W checklist.
May 27th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
27
This Guy says:
Ahem…”El Paso”, Marty Robbins. A little corny? Perhaps. But it includes a lovelorn hero, alcohol-induced decision-making, a lovely but wicked Mexican girl, two gunfights and a death. That’s at least 85% of the C&W checklist.
Good work on the Lyle Lovett though.
May 27th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
28
Last Dragon says:
All these songs……..and they all suck so far.
May 27th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
29
crimson daddy says:
“Texas in my Rearview Mirror”
Mac Davis
May 27th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
30
Huntsville Reb Fan says:
“no one writes good songs about Milwaukee” Got to disagree. What’s Made Milwaukee Famous Has Made a Fool Out of Me by Jerry Lee Lewis is both a good song and so so true.
May 27th, 2008 at 6:16 pm
31
Todd says:
“…but no one writes good songs about Milwaukee.” I beg to differ:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHFR-du0YHQ&feature=related
May 27th, 2008 at 6:20 pm
32
Arkie Deen says:
My God….
I forget how unbelievable beyond mcfadden baddass pantera was.
May 27th, 2008 at 6:39 pm
33
corn blight says:
Shel Silverstein, the same guy who did those children’s books, and wrote “Freakin’ at the Freaker’s Ball”, “A Boy Named Sue” and wrote a ton of sons for Bobby Bare, as well as “Going Down to Texas (and be one more horse’s ass):
Why did I hurt that woman she never done me wrong
I ran away and left her for a redhead and a song
I got no brains I got no sense I never had no class
So I’m goin’ back to Texas and be one more horse’s ass
Yeah I’m goin’ back to Texas and be one more horse’s ass
I used to be her stallion but that’s all in the past
So place the tail on my nose and point me towards the grass
Cause I’m goin’ back to Texas and be one more horse’s ass
I can’t run in the hot sun and I won’t run in the mud
I’m overaged for racin’ and I’m overweight for stud
But I can dance and I can fight and throw a whiskey glass
I’m goin’ back to Texas and be one more horse’s ass
Yeah I’m goin’ back to Texas and be one more horse’s ass…
Yeah I’m goin’ back to Texas and be one more horse’s ass…
I’m goin’ back to Texas and be one more horse’s ass
May 27th, 2008 at 8:14 pm
34
rudy (not the guy from notre dame) says:
somewhere in austin, there is a longhorn fan clad in burnt orange staring in stark rage at his computer screen.
“you can forget texas,” he screams as he shakes his fist. “but TEXAS WILL NOT FORGET YOU, sir!”
May 28th, 2008 at 2:13 am
35
HornDawg says:
Another vote for Ray Wylie’s “Screw You, We’re From Texas”
And thanks to everyone for giving me more ideas for my “Ode to Texas” mix tape. Or mix MPs. Whatever.
Now, let’s talk about great songs about Georgia!
May 28th, 2008 at 8:05 am
36
woooooohooooooooo says:
I’m disappointed in edsbs that I don’t see any respect for “Texas Flood” by Stevie Ray Vaughan.
May 29th, 2008 at 7:51 am
37
woooooohooooooooo says:
#23: Don’t forget “Hot and Nasty” by Black Oak Arkansas, or “When Electricity Came to Arkansas.”
May 29th, 2008 at 7:54 am