JOE PA AIN'T GIVE A WHAT

by Orson on May 23, 2008 11:01 AM EDT

I want a playoff! Dammit, how else you gonna find out who the best team if we just, you know, all sit around at the end of the season and stare at each other's asses like a bunch of Roman bathers? Let 'em play. I'm tired of this.

ROAR! PLAYOFF!

I also want a simple phone bill. You used to just get a bill, and there was an amount, and you paid it to Ma Bell. Now there's numbers, and more numbers, and a lot of the time it's the same number all over the place. Just tell me what I owe! I make four phone calls a month! The rest I do by post, just like ya should if you really care. The wax seal tells them you mean what you're saying. Mine's a minotaur with a lion on its back. That's how you know if it's Joe.

I also wish men and women had more conventional roles, you know? I have to talk to mothers like they're fathers, and fathers like they're mothers, and to the kids like they're men. In my world women worked at home, men wore short ties, and gay men worked retail or in the theater. I know I'm old, but it's not too much to ask for when I want a gay guy to tell me if my shirt looks good. They know better than we do. It's because of an extra gland they have in their neck.

You know what I like, though? Velcro. Everything just comes on and off now. I can put a pair of slacks on in three seconds now thanks to these custom slacks with velcro seams. Hey, I see that look on your face. That's between me and Sue, though I'll tell you: I'd probably tear a rotator cuff trying to pull a fancy exotic dancer move like that. I do everything slow these days.

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If only JoePa were alive to see this,

by Crabapple Buck on May 23, 2008 11:07 AM EDT reply actions

I also love how he told the Coaches’ Poll to go F itself after he wanted to vote for Auburn instead of USC.

Minotaur are badass.

http://thebigeleventh.blogspot.com/

by Big 11th Blog on May 23, 2008 11:08 AM EDT reply actions

He also joked that he wants to coach 10-15 more years. How many brains does he have to eat to live that long?

by mlmintampa on May 23, 2008 11:12 AM EDT reply actions

Do you think he leaves the Depends on when he sleeps?

by Jester on May 23, 2008 11:16 AM EDT reply actions

Joe Pa’s annual salary (to coach at PSU): $500,000

Ty’s annual salary (to not coach at ND): $650,000

ND as a joke for the rest of the country: PRICELESS

by hobeg8r on May 23, 2008 11:16 AM EDT reply actions

u da man Joe!

by PSUrob on May 23, 2008 11:25 AM EDT reply actions

JoePa aint lying about having a gay guy around for fashion tips. Since my style can best be described as white trash casual, their advice has been much appreciated. Plus every gay gay is required by law to have at least 3 smoking hot female friends.

by slim charles 89 on May 23, 2008 11:45 AM EDT reply actions

You should take it easy on Joe Pa, Memorial Day is always tough for him as likes to be alone with the memories of his friends who died in the Spanish American War.

by Chips O'Toole on May 23, 2008 11:59 AM EDT reply actions

Fashionable women are required to have at least two great male gay friends for shopping and advice.

by blon57 on May 23, 2008 12:39 PM EDT reply actions

I hope I get more respect when I’m in my 80s.

Compared to most at his age, he’s in amazing health, both body and mind.

by aventius on May 23, 2008 12:41 PM EDT reply actions

You guys just found out now that JoePa wants a playoff system? Welcome to the 20th century, guys. I think the late 60’s through the early 70’s are really going to be good for Penn State football.

by mhentz on May 23, 2008 12:59 PM EDT reply actions