CORRECTIONS, 5/23/08
Monday’s Curious Index contained an item referring to the Kent State Golden Flashes as “the stupidest team name in Division I football.” The Kent State Golden Flashes is, in fact, the stupidest name for anything, ever. We regret the error.
Thursday we posted a video we claimed was Matthew Stafford doing a keg stand. We clearly misidentified him here.
We regret the error.
A Wednesday night news bulletin showed video footage of obliterated dock pilings on Alabama’s Lake Martin, and attributed the collapse to “flash flooding”. The cause of damage has since been identified as “Auburn University’s offensive line.” We regret the error.

On Monday, we labeled the 1971 Nebraska/Oklahoma game as the “Game of the Century.” This was inaccurate, as the universally recognized “Game of the Century” was the 2004 Colorado/Colorado State game, where Bradlee “Dr. Kannenpeniz” Van Pelt, a.k.a. the Banging Dutchman, a.k.a. BV-I-P, and the man sometimes known for banging your mom, your wife, and and your nieces into a state of panting exhaustion before eating a breakfast of asskick and lean Canadian Bacon, totally pwned the Colorado Puffaloads by awesomely spiking the ball into the helmet of some dude whose name is so puny and weak you shouldn’t even worry about remembering it. BVP is getting the shaft in Buffalo–ask for him by name! The ladies do.*
Oh, and we regret the error (of fucking your mother.)
Tuesday’s Pac-10 roundup used the incorrect notation “UCLA Head COACH Rick Neuheisel”. Several dozen reader emails inform us the name should be written, “COACH Rick Neuheisel <3.” We regret the error.
On Saturday, a weekend post inaccurately broke news of a large fire breaking out at the Miami Hurricanes football facility. We apologize for the panic this may have caused the Miami administration and the Coral Gables Fire Department. The actual building on fire was a combination Puppy Shelter/Orphanage located several blocks from the ‘Canes facilities. It burned to the ground thanks to a diverted fire department. Our sourcing was inaccurate, and we deeply regret the error.
Tuesday’s lead story on increased expectations for Mississippi State’s coaching staff was accompanied by an improperly placed picture. The photo actually depicted the Riverbottom Nightmare Band from the classic Muppet television special Emmitt Otter’s Jug-Band Christmas. MSU head coach Sylvester Croom is pictured below. We regret the error.

On Wednesday, we described Purdue Coach Joe Tiller with the following verbiage:
Despite his name, Myrmecophaga tridactyla, from the Greek meaning ‘three-fingered ant eater’, Joe Tiller has five digits on each foot; however the middle three digits of the forefeet have elongated claws. These are extremely strong and are used to break open ant and termite mounds in order to feed, as well as effective defense from predators. Tiller walks on his knuckles in order to protect them, giving him a shuffling gait. The forefeet also have one other smaller claw, and the rear feet have five small claws.
This in fact describes the Giant Anteater and not Purdue’s football coach. We regret the error.

Not Tiller. But in Indiana, denim jackets with flair are still worn frequently.
Our weekly Psychic Player Profile, most recently featuring Arkansas quarterback Casey Dick, listed his favorite movie as Sleepers and extrapolated that the 6′2 senior has a likely future in prison rape. Casey Dick’s favorite movie is, in fact, Sneakers, which suggests to our team of astrologists a career in counterespionage. We regret the error.
*Submitted by guest contributor Bradlee Van Pelt. CLICK CLICK BOOM!









1
GamecockTony says:
I loved me some BV-I-P in a completely hetero way.
Won a ton of money wagering against those CSU teams.
May 23rd, 2008 at 12:15 pm
2
DevilGrad says:
What’s wrong, Holly? Don’t you like the Kent State cheer? (”Menopause, menopause. Get hot, Flashes!”)
May 23rd, 2008 at 12:24 pm
3
LL says:
Dammit Holly! I love the “Corrections” piece. Solid work every week. Have a great Memorial Day Weekend.
May 23rd, 2008 at 12:38 pm
4
Devin McCullen says:
Sorry, I still have to go with the New York University Violets.
(Story told by an English professor: Some time back in the 70s, the powers that be at NYU were trying to pick an shade for the university logo. They got it down to 2 shades of violet, one reddish and one bluish. Then they looked at the names of the colors, and found one was “Pansy Violet” and decided, nope, that’s just too much.)
May 23rd, 2008 at 12:47 pm
5
Papa Lou BSU says:
Don’t forget the standard accompanying rah-rah, DG…
“Kent Read? Kent Write? Kent State!”
(And I’m requesting a clarification… the popularity of denim jackets with flair in Indiana is now limited to the greater Kokomo metropolitan area. Everyone else has moved into the early 90s and are rocking their Cross Colors sweatshirts and Dockers now…)
May 23rd, 2008 at 12:49 pm
6
NRBQ says:
After I type this, I’m gonna post it by clicking my pink Hello Kitty mouse, brought to me by Target, eyes right.
May 23rd, 2008 at 12:50 pm
7
Jake Daufeldt says:
An Emmitt Otter Jug Band reference. Very nice work, my friend.
May 23rd, 2008 at 12:50 pm
8
Brian LB-U says:
There is only one “Game of the Century”: Penn State/Miami 1987, the game that drew over 70 million viewers and a 25.1 television rating.
May 23rd, 2008 at 12:51 pm
9
Out of Conference says:
Although Benedict College Tigers (Columbia, SC) has an ok mascot name, I like their cheer, “Break an arm, break a leg, Benedict!”
May 23rd, 2008 at 1:00 pm
10
Holly says:
The thing I feel like Violets has going for it is that it’s an identifiable THING, as opposed to, say, a Golden Flash or an Akron Zip.
May 23rd, 2008 at 1:00 pm
11
Ted Ginn did Everythin' says:
“Daddy, what’s a Golden Flash?”
“It’s a winner, son. A damn fine winner.”
May 23rd, 2008 at 1:10 pm
12
MaconDawg says:
Good catch on the keg stand Holly. That’s quite clearly Brandon Cox.
May 23rd, 2008 at 1:12 pm
13
Out of Conference says:
Holly – You should know that in football, the intangibles are everything.
I probably should have learned my lesson about using football cliche’s wasn’t my forte after I told a date once that sex was a game of inches.
May 23rd, 2008 at 1:41 pm
14
Holly says:
Did you give her 110%?
May 23rd, 2008 at 1:42 pm
15
ClydeB says:
Holy hell, I was at the Game of the Century. Drunk and smoking a cigar in the CSU student section. Good times…
May 23rd, 2008 at 1:42 pm
16
Last Dragon says:
How can someone so pathetic at Cheesecake be so damn good at corrections?
May 23rd, 2008 at 1:53 pm
17
DevilGrad says:
Re #10: Holly, Zippy is actually a kangaroo (no, I don’t know why), which brings me to another law of mascot selection: Your mascot will be a hell of a lot fiercer if it is *not* used as a foodstuff in any Western culture.
(Over at MHT, we always do a “Roo — The OTHER, Other White Meat” post for Akron week.)
May 23rd, 2008 at 1:56 pm
18
Holly says:
How can someone so pathetic at Cheesecake be so damn good at corrections?
I can’t tell you how much sleep I lose over y’all having to find your own naked ladies ON THE INTERNET, truly…but something tells me you’ll find today’s cheesecake extremely stimulating.
May 23rd, 2008 at 2:00 pm
19
Picture Me Rollin says:
Holly, You mean to tell me that naked women can be found on the internet – in general – and not just at this site on Friday afternoon.
Dammit, think of all the time I’ve been wasting.
BTW, those pilings were much smaller than Dorsey’s calves. I hope the AU O-line did a lot of that to build up strength or they risked injuring themselves.
May 23rd, 2008 at 2:09 pm
20
Holly says:
OK, wait. Is a Zip an actual slang term for a kangaroo? Because if it’s not, it doesn’t count. Like Hilltoppers or the Phillies and those godawful things they call mascots? Just name yourselves the Night Terrors and be done with it.
May 23rd, 2008 at 2:13 pm
21
babaoje says:
Pretty sure that was from the 2002 CU-CSU game. The 2004 game was at night and at Folsom Field.
May 23rd, 2008 at 2:20 pm
22
NativeSon says:
#13
How about keeping your head on a swivel? Did you try that? Chicks dig that.
I’ve heard.
May 23rd, 2008 at 2:30 pm
23
NewAZTiger says:
Here on the plains, we like our knees on a swivel.
And by “Our” I mean “Your”.
May 23rd, 2008 at 3:05 pm
24
Devin McCullen says:
Well, while a Violet is indeed an actual object, NYU has an actual mascot, the Bobcat, which is derived…from the library catalog. Read the depressing details here:
http://www.nyu.edu/athletics/clubs/mascots/about.html
May 23rd, 2008 at 3:15 pm
25
fresh says:
I’ll see your Kent State Golden Flashes and rase you an Arkansas Tech Wonderboys.
May 23rd, 2008 at 3:35 pm
26
Phil says:
Oh my God! I wondered why you never saw ‘Emmit Otter’ and Coach Croom at the same time. Seriously, you guys have a great site. I’m an Alabama alumnus and resident and you haven’t offended me yet (work on it). You guys seem to have a little respect for the other SEC schools and are still funny. I hate ya’ll least of orange-wearers. You’re tacky but not horribly, terribly inbred like those who will remain nameless. Salute!
May 23rd, 2008 at 4:35 pm
27
Arkansas Buckeye says:
As a Kent State alumni, it was much fun back in the 70’s when school unofficial school motto was “Take Drugs and Follow the Flashes.”
I still have flashbacks from out road trips to Bowling Green.
May 23rd, 2008 at 4:58 pm
28
NewAZTiger says:
Grrrrrrrrr…. Every Youtube vid on the front page has been pulled by Youtube. W.T.F.?
May 23rd, 2008 at 8:08 pm
29
The Big Dog says:
Anteaters wearing clothes — now that’s funny.
May 23rd, 2008 at 10:49 pm
30
SpartanDan says:
Hate to be pedantic, but since this *is* the corrections article, I suppose it’s at least mildly appropriate here.
There’s no reason both of the games listed couldn’t be “Game of the Century”, seeing as they’re in different centuries and all.
May 24th, 2008 at 8:19 am
31
Dr Everything’ll Be Alright,Shrink in Beverly Hills says:
Auburns gonna need some practice to learn how to chop block our “Cloverfield” defensive tackle who just got cleared to play! Woo HOO! Good luck on chop blocking something that is perfectly round and has no legs…….
May 24th, 2008 at 9:28 am
32
gurn says:
Picture me Rollin:
You’re a daywalker and your team lost to fucking La-Monroe.
Shut the fuck up.
May 24th, 2008 at 10:14 am
33
Pirate Petey says:
aye me mateys… that’s it…
*rubs hands together, holds them out front*
nothin like good old fashioned hate to keep you warm during the off months… back to ye name callin’ and spit flingin’ with ye
May 25th, 2008 at 7:11 am
34
The Big Dog says:
BTW, Emmitt’s band’s song was definitely catchier, if I recall, even if in a backwoods kinda way. Riverbottom was just a band of punks, and I don’t mean like the Sex Pistols. Dr. Teeth would have kicked their asses.
May 25th, 2008 at 9:47 am
35
Mackalicious says:
I could have told you that wasn’t Matthew Stafford. If that’d been him once he knew he was about to lose his balance he would have shoved that keg straight into the ground so he only had to do a front roll to his feet. In doing so a little squirt of excellence may have dripped out causing a tree that blooms ice cold bottles of Miller High Life Lite to immediate shoot out of the ground whereever said drop landed. THAT’S how you could tell it was Matthew Stafford!
May 27th, 2008 at 10:39 am