CURIOUS INDEX, 5/22/08

by Orson on May 22, 2008 9:14 AM EDT

The USC band has no shame. This is a compliment.

USC's Pete Carroll, while not exactly wanting to limit Renaldo Lapuz's claim on being your brother, would like to point out that he, too, is your brother. Facebook update: Pete wishes all USC grads a big, warm congratulations on graduating.

What? Not jacked about this? Or pumped? Sad USC grads cry into their tassels at your merely enthusiastic kudos, Pete.

Boone's back! Made ya look! T. Boone Pickens continues to shower money on Oklahoma State like it was a prize stripper, giving $100 million more to the school he's already given somewhere in the area of $290 million dollars to--with 92% going to (gulp) athletics. Not this batch: the hundy will go towards making Oklahoma State doubly endowed, a sort of academic penis enlargement for the school performed in an exclusive Mexican surgical center with T. Boone's help.

Where's my humility? Aw hell, I'll just make the speech without it:

"Boone's back, and Boone's back with money," Pickens said before a crowd gathered for the announcement at OSU. "Be patient. I'm not through."

You can address yourself in the third person when you're rich enough to clone yourself three times over: Pickens is allegedly worth around $3 billion dollars.

State Senators, I present to you this gavel made of foreign foreskins. Tim Tebow addresses the Florida legislature.

Tebow told senators that "We are a nation in need of character and in need of doing the right thing."

Character? Bad? Good? Indifferent? We agree, Tim, but specify what type of character we need here. For our two cents, the Swindle senate campaign officially endorses this book as our guide to character. Who else had the bravery to beat up a cop who was beating up a prostitute? Peter O'Toole did.

UVA is doing the Iowa State thing and selling USC tickets as part of a bundled ACC package, not at all grubbing in the money at all, no. Just merely trying to satisfy USC fans' insatiable appetite for the Cavaliers/Terps rivalry.

Big Fulmer Cupdate coming today, as well as our new series Imaginary Mascots. LSUFreek will be flexing his muscles as the only human being who can properly illustrate our subconscious.

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word is lapuz nailed both a song girl and a clarinet player last night after the show, thus proving the outfit is not just for show and that he is, in fact, a muthafuckin’ P.I.M.P.

by gerry dorsey on May 22, 2008 9:31 AM EDT reply actions

Peter O’Toole is my new hero.

by Carlinthemarlin on May 22, 2008 9:33 AM EDT reply actions

RCR’s back, and he’s back with nickels. And dimes. Be patient, I’m not through. He also has M&Ms.

by RaginCajunRebel on May 22, 2008 9:36 AM EDT reply actions

Those four sots were part of a government program named No Booze Left Behind.

BTW, T. Boone’s original grant has increased due to investments in energy stock to about 2-3x the original amount. Now Ok St can suck at football with more money at their disposal than ever!

by Crabapple Buck on May 22, 2008 9:38 AM EDT reply actions

The golden jock straps handed out for the Independence Bowl are pretty sweet end-of-the-year gifts though, Crabapple.

by Orson Swindle on May 22, 2008 9:40 AM EDT reply actions

Damn it! I thought the Dawgs were only going to make a minor appearance in the FC standings this year…

http://media.www.redandblack.com/media/storage/paper871/news/2008/05/21/Sports/Bulldog.Guard.Arrested.On.Dui.Charge-3374606.shtml

by DoubleDawg05 on May 22, 2008 9:40 AM EDT reply actions

Iowa State thing?
I thought Georgia Tech had the “big game ticket package” deal on lockdown waaaay before the Cyclones.

by Ryno on May 22, 2008 9:41 AM EDT reply actions

Anyone else catch the replay of PUPPY BOWL IV last night? It was just as good this time as it was the first, if you must know.

by Domer Guy on May 22, 2008 9:53 AM EDT reply actions

Do USC fans travel, esp. to Virginia? I mean, its Virginia, would USC fans even bother to go even if tickets were free?

by meatybob on May 22, 2008 9:53 AM EDT reply actions

DomerGuy—

Yes. We did. The camera at the bottom of the waterbowl is oddly fascinating.

by Orson Swindle on May 22, 2008 9:57 AM EDT reply actions

Tech doesn’t just stop at “big game packages”, you get a coke and a hot dog with your ticket order too.

Seriously.

It was hilarious in 2003 when UGA fans bought up their season ticket packages just to get the UGA ticket. Then tons of Dawg fans showed up at the Thursday Night Lights (TM GIT) game versus Maryland to root for the Terps. 51-7 signs were everywhere.

What a loser program.

by Darkknight on May 22, 2008 10:07 AM EDT reply actions

Doubledawg @ #6…don’t those cops know how hard it is to stay in a single lane or remember your turning signal when your passenger is resting their head actively on your courting tackle? Dammit?!

by sb on May 22, 2008 10:11 AM EDT reply actions

Puppy Bowl IV was indeed scintillating. Kept me from watching Mr. Lapuz in all his glory, though.

I think he might be Filipino, too… add that to the other proud trivia about my parents’ homeland (including, but certainly not limited to: Tebow, balut, and “The White Man’s Burden”).

Wait… Do you think Tebow may have circumcised Renaldo? Maybe Pete would be jacked about THAT.

by gatorphunk on May 22, 2008 10:17 AM EDT reply actions

I think that the Stanford band would have been a better match for the inimitable vocal stylings of… whoever that was.

At least the pimp in question wasn’t wearing a replica shirt.

by DC Trojan on May 22, 2008 10:26 AM EDT reply actions

Nobody is mentioning the “Kitty Halftime Show”

The cats spent the entire15 minutes jumping on each other, chasing the lights displays around the field and jumping on the goal posts.

by Ryno on May 22, 2008 10:42 AM EDT reply actions

Having met them first hand at the Rosebowl, I can safely say the USC has no shame and is also a giant collective turd.

by ameed on May 22, 2008 11:17 AM EDT reply actions

Except for Pete. We wouldn’t want him to get jacked and knock us out with his awesome fists.

by ameed on May 22, 2008 11:22 AM EDT reply actions

Is it bad form to use Charity Bowl results for trash-talking purposes?

by GTFridge on May 22, 2008 11:24 AM EDT reply actions

“LSUFreek will be flexing his muscles as the only human being who can properly illustrate our subconscious.”

I am afraid. Intrigued, but mostly afraid.

by Kenny on May 22, 2008 11:45 AM EDT reply actions

Maybe I’m missing something….but why is Tim Tebow telling the Florida legislature anything, let alone what our nation needs?

Will Mr. Tebow even have time to play football this year or will he be too busy saving the world?

by NOLAcane on May 22, 2008 1:04 PM EDT reply actions

first!

by 3rd on May 22, 2008 1:53 PM EDT reply actions

hmmm. it always makes me a little worried when tebow gets all jesus-y. just win our school national championships. don’t have a personality that conflicts with my heathen ways!

by adam on May 22, 2008 1:54 PM EDT reply actions