MUSTACHE WEDNESDAY: ORLANDO BLOOM

by Orson on May 21, 2008 4:29 PM EDT

How do you turn a refined-looking, bow-wielding Elvish warrior into a redneck car thief in one fell swoop?

Happy Mustache Wednesday, motherfuckers!

He just looks like he's about to tell you your exhaust manifold needs to be replaced and that he's impregnated your daughter, doesn't he?

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He seriously just went from gay to a guy I’d trust to work on my car but not with my wife with just that picture.

There’s nothing a good mustache can’t do.

by ThreenOut on May 21, 2008 4:40 PM EDT reply actions

Resemblence to Davey Allison is uncanny…

by kt on May 21, 2008 5:07 PM EDT reply actions

If it were 2003 an argument could be made that he was making the trashstache sexy. Instead, I can’t name a movie he’s been in since the Iliad was simply butchered (butchered, I verily say!).

by poguemahone on May 21, 2008 5:15 PM EDT reply actions

Yeah, I’d credit him more for disclosing the need for an upper head replacement, but no woman I’ve hung with would give that ‘stache any more credibility than one worn by a highschool senior…in fact my wife referred to one such appliance as a “see-through ’stache”…i.e. no credibility. I hope that wasn’t just to make me feel good…

by sb on May 21, 2008 5:16 PM EDT reply actions

As the father of a teenage girl who loves Orlando Bloom anyway – that’s not funny…Not funny at all.

by beast in bama on May 21, 2008 5:38 PM EDT reply actions

I grew a pencil mustache. I like it ‘cause it’s just above my lip. The kind of mustache that says, “Yeah, I’ve been nude on camera, what of it?”

by Rowdie Gaines on May 21, 2008 5:40 PM EDT reply actions

That’s the mustache Sam Elliott had at birth. He is less than pleased with this week’s choice.

And how in the name of Burt Reynolds has he not been featured yet?

by spartanmike on May 21, 2008 5:44 PM EDT reply actions

That guy does auto work too? I just bought firewood from him last weekend.

by Blazin on May 21, 2008 6:12 PM EDT reply actions

When he moved to Hollywood he had to go door to door to tell everyone he was a pederast.

Eight year olds, Dude

by skinnyphatman on May 21, 2008 6:23 PM EDT reply actions

what’s weird is that he looks more like a chic with the mustache. Like a 14 year old girl trying to look like a guy. Me scared.

by meatybob on May 21, 2008 6:57 PM EDT reply actions

Re: #7

Burt Reynolds went to FSU. You’re more likely to see Orson put up a picture of Corso nude on a couch before you see BR up here.

by Geaux Irish on May 21, 2008 7:04 PM EDT reply actions

@11:

I believe the statement “And how in the name of Burt Reynolds has he not been featured yet?” is unclear, however I posit that ‘he’ is a pronoun for “Sam Elliot”, not “Burt Reynolds”. And Sam Elliot is the fucking shizzy. So he’s got that going for him.

by Not You on May 21, 2008 7:36 PM EDT reply actions

GAH PEDOSTACHE! Do Not Want.

by Holly on May 21, 2008 10:40 PM EDT reply actions

Burt Reynolds’ best work was inspiring Norm MacDonald’s impression of him on SNL Celebrity Jeopardy.

by Year2-Dave on May 22, 2008 12:07 AM EDT reply actions

“Youre more likely to see Orson put up a picture of Corso nude on a coach…”

I don’t know…somehow that doesn’t seem all that unlikely around here. And I imagine the coach would be burning.

by Because They Can on May 22, 2008 8:33 AM EDT reply actions

Of course, that should ne couch, but coach isn’t really out of the question, either.

by Because They Can on May 22, 2008 8:34 AM EDT reply actions

re: #12

That’s correct, sir. It was asked in the ‘what in the wide world of sports…’ spirit. And yes, I’m formally asking why Sam Elliott has not been honored here.

by spartanmike on May 22, 2008 10:03 AM EDT reply actions