FULMER CUPDATE: INDIANA'S NOT BAREBACKING EDITION

Preston Parker’s felony arrest for gun possession has been converted to a misdemeanor conviction. He also pled guilty to a misdemeanor for MJ possession. 2 game suspension and no stair running. So I guess you need to reduce the points for FSU.

Consider it done. No changes to the big board—to our shame, the only Sunshine State school up there is Florida.

Santonio must not have used any condoms at tOSU. In knocking the bottom out of a few cervixes, he added 3 to the population while attending our prestigious school on the banks of the Olentangy

Since cannabilism requires murder or complicity thereof, at least 5 points. Two more for the act plus one each for eating brains, heart and the liver, a la Idi Amin.

Plus the bill for dinner at a Golden Corral for the Burp Bros – Mangino, Weis, Phat Phil & Ralphie Freidgen.

I think cannibalism should be like the automatic win ball for the Fulmer Cup.

If someone testified and “refused to rule out the possibility that [you] ate human flesh or ordered [your] troops to do so,” what would that say about you as a person? I would think even my worst enemies would have my back on that one.

you just had to work in that “Boilermaker” joke didn’t ya?

And Santonio Holmes would probably do way better in prison than the UCLA bronze bear because no “Boilermaker” has caught up to him yet, to my knowledge.

1. - AND the Ellis T. Jones III Award re-named in your honor.

Then why do they make magnums? Sadly, I don’t personally know.

Marketting, baby. You’ll pay extra to imply your johnson is too big for anything less.

#9

Bears!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fun non-political office talk: We’ve observed Sen. Obama drew an estimated 75,000 at a visit in Oregon. He can outdraw Bama’s spring game. If the junior senator from Illinois is still looking for a new job after November it was suggested by some that he apply at Alabama.

BTW, since this is Memorial Day weekend approaching, it is a prime opportunity for our young miscreants to pad their FC stats over the long weekend. Especially where the gendarmes seem to be out in force to protect the citizenry from their exploits. I predict there will be movement in the standings when all of the reports come in from across the land.

I’m pretty sure the point tally for eating another human being is 69 points. But I could be wrong…

PeterPumpkinHead @ #13…well played, sir.

Considering that Purdue made the big board a few years ago for a player getting stabbed, I’ll take two points for condom stealing.

I’d also point out that the player who took Selwyn Lymon (who was stabbed) to the hospital that night, and subsequently got an OWI on his way back home from the hospital was the very same Torri Williams.

If the movie Ravenous has taught me anything, it’s that eating other people gives you their strength. Therefore, Fulmer Cup points should be allotted for how much of a felon the cannibalized was.

I’m fairly certain that I’m going to hell for thinking that.

Cannibalism -

It means an automatic victory in that year’s FC for the participant(s)‘s school(s), an automatic inclusion in the FC Hall of Fame, and an immediate end to the FC because I don’t think cannibalism would ever be beat.

Whatever cannabilism is worth for legal points, you’ve got to tack on some bonus Hannibal Lecter points.
And I want to read Moses Blah’s blog. You can tell by the name, that’s going to be some quality work.

Virginia Tech should get some sort of bonus points for having a recruit get nailed for dealing at high school before he even arrives at campus — plus one more for the recruit being named Pete Rose!

Charlie Taylor? Wasn’t He a NFL wide reciever? As for the guy stealing condoms, maybe He had a hot date, it was late, and the Infirmary was closed. Which is like stealing a car so You can go parking.

WarCardinals @ 17 – I was thinking the same thing. Award the title ad infinitum, then shut the game down.

Of course, any winner by way of cannabalism should be allowed to chase, catch, and eat Ellis T. Jones III, that way ETJ III wouldn’t argue about the renaming of “his” title.

Orson: +11 for renewed and vigorous use of the term “cervix-battering”.

Frustrating part of the single sanction: when M. Brown is expelled, it’ll be confidential, so the points will still count. Innocent until proven guilty, but it sounds like he deserves his Ellis T. Jones consideration. BAH.

Fulmer Cup points should be allotted for how much of a felon the cannibalized was.

Yes yes yes. This plan. Yes.

not sure if this counts but Virginia Tech just had a recruit – Peter Rose – arrested who had been selling marijuana to an undercover cop for the past 10 months…

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=3403487

Horribly tragedy, nothing to laugh about or gloat over, yada yada yada. Ok, now that that’s all out of the way…u of a football player indicted for sexual assault. I will now attempt to dodge karma by not making any sarcastic remarks over the incident.

http://www.azcentral.com/sports/ua/articles/2008/05/19/20080519uafoot.html

I’m pretty sure a guy named “Moses Blah” wouldn’t be making up stories just to get people riled up.