CORRECTIONS, 5/16/08

by Holly Anderson on May 16, 2008 12:46 PM EDT

Mistakes: we make 'em. Please accept our apologies for the errors we make, and this week's corrections.

Monday's Curious Index identified the phrase "AXYDLBAAXR IS LONGFELLOW" as the motto of The University of South Carolina. This is, in fact, the universal example for a Cryptoquote answer key as featured in any number of popular daily newspaper nationwide. The actual motto for the University of South Carolina is Emollit mores nec sinit esse feros, or "Learning humanizes character and does not permit it to be cruel, unless we're talking bout cockfights and they's just ROCK BALLS CAN AH GET A HELL YEAH!"

An overnight report stating that California head coach Jeff Tedford had leveled downtown Berkeley with drills for his new offensive scheme "Falken's Maze" was inaccurate, and was confused with a late-night TBS showing of the 1983 Matthew Broderick movie War Games. The city remains unharmed, and the only winning move is not to play. We regret the error.

How about a nice game of chess?

Wednesday's piece "Wherefore Art Thou, Leviathan? listed a major concern for Kansas State football its continuing reliance on "midget running backs no taller than 5'7"." This is an error, as the backfield of Kansas State are recruited from the Baka people of Cameroon, formerly referred to by the perjorative "pygmy," who despise being associated with "dirty herpefied carnies like midgets." We regret the error.

Monday's Better Know The Big East quiz stated that the basic unit of currency in West Virginia is C), "tarp". The correct answer is A), "gravel". We regret the error.

Thursday's report that the annual All-SEC Freshman Team boat party was cut short after the boat sustained extensive damage from cannon fire was inaccurate. The holes in the hull were the work of Georgia's Knowshon Moreno playing a particularly enthusiastic game of Sharks And Minnows. We regret the error.

Brent Musburger is not, as reported in the Thursday edition of the Curious Index, a sufferer of restless legs syndrome. Musburger explains he just likes the sudden and irresistable urge to gamble that Mirapex gives him, and would like to get back to the tables ASAP, thank you very much. He does want to mention the negative effects of a drink he likes to call Scotchinex, available over the counter at any package store, which has "a fucking terrible side effect of 'restless balls syndrome,' pardner."

Yesterday's report that Penn State coach Joe Paterno has been hospitalized for apparent dehydration ran with an incorrect photo. The image we published depicted The Cryptkeeper, host of the popular television program Tales From The Crypt. The correct photograph is below. We regret the error.

Tuesday's Where Are They Now? segment reported that former Ole Miss head coach Ed Orgeron will discontinue public tours of his extensive collection of Princess Diana memorabilia in the wake of several unfortunate episodes of vandalism. Coach Orgeron plans to leave the exhibit open until the August anniversary of Diana's death, but asks that all visitors please keep off his begonias. We regret the error.

YABORNINNABARNYASUMBITCH? RESPEKDAPEEPLSPRINCISS!

Tweet Comment 27 comments | 0 recs |

Do you like this story?

Comments

Two things:

1. Thanks for the Tedford entry: Go Bears!

2. Why when looking at the JoPa mummy did I have the e-Trade baby in my head saying, “One, don’t worry bout it. You don’t know how old i am.”

by Lawrence Ross on May 16, 2008 12:54 PM EDT reply actions

The only thing the JoePa pic was missing was his glasses, and his hair with all that Dapper Dan grease will never decompose,
and Musberger, if he is gambling with
Ohio St.’s Jim Tressel, should be read “he cant wait to get back to the restless balls, UNDER the tables”

by Mr. Pelican Pants on May 16, 2008 12:59 PM EDT reply actions

we need the orgeron back

by ryan on May 16, 2008 1:03 PM EDT reply actions

Best. Corrections. Ever.

by Doug on May 16, 2008 1:04 PM EDT reply actions

Careful Holly… you are setting the bar VERY high.

by CincySooner on May 16, 2008 1:08 PM EDT reply actions

Todays Cryptoquote:

“A man’s feet should stand in his own country, but his eyes should survey the world.”

George Santayana

/showing off to Holly

by hunglikehussain on May 16, 2008 1:16 PM EDT reply actions

I think I know what’s winning the “best regular feature” award next year. The K-State running back one … comedic gold.

by SpartanDan on May 16, 2008 1:40 PM EDT reply actions

lol, War Games.

by Rob on May 16, 2008 1:44 PM EDT reply actions

COACHOWANNAPLAYDATHERMONUCLEARWAR

by Jerkwheat on May 16, 2008 1:48 PM EDT reply actions

“dirty herpefied carnies like midgets.

Note to self: work “dirty herpefied carnies” into casual, mixed-company conversation over the weekend. Report back results.

by NativeSon on May 16, 2008 2:03 PM EDT reply actions

RESPEKDAPEEPLSPRINCISS!

I’ll second Doug. Best. Corrections. Ever. Respek, indeed.

by Maize n Brew Dave on May 16, 2008 2:08 PM EDT reply actions

I second the #1 point of post #1 about Sancto Tedford.
Go Bears!

by Anonymous IV on May 16, 2008 2:14 PM EDT reply actions

I’m sorry, I just realized that the banner ad at the bottom of the page for Northern Illinois Huskies ringtones was not actually a satirical post. Seriously? Northern Illinois ringtones?

by MaconDawg on May 16, 2008 2:35 PM EDT reply actions

Not to correct a correction but… the motto of The University of South Carolina is:

Nos Suscipio Atrox Football

by GamecockTony on May 16, 2008 2:41 PM EDT reply actions

“The only thing the JoePa pic was missing was his glasses, and his hair with all that Dapper Dan grease will never decompose…”

And all this time I thought it was Fop.

by Because They Can on May 16, 2008 3:00 PM EDT reply actions

Impressive WarGames reference.

by Striker on May 16, 2008 3:02 PM EDT reply actions

Fop? I don’t want Fop goddammit!!!!

by rebpup on May 16, 2008 3:30 PM EDT reply actions

K-State’s running a pretty good program, what with their midgets ’n power towels ’n whatnot.

by Middle America on May 16, 2008 3:31 PM EDT reply actions

Da Coach O: "YAW YAW WHY YOU GO ‘ROUN TELLIN’ MY GIRLS DAT COACH O BEEN FIRED BY DA OLE MISS !?!

Estranged Mrs. Da Coach O: “Lots of respectable coaches been fired by Ole Miss. Coach Cutcliffe over in Durham was fired by Ole Miss . . .”

by MaconDawg on May 16, 2008 4:14 PM EDT reply actions

Orson, thank you. We all need our weekly daCoachO fix.

hollapossumhollah!!!!

by yoyofutbawl on May 16, 2008 4:23 PM EDT reply actions

War Games and the Manhattan Project were two of the best anti establishment 80s movies. Problem is that they made me even more interested in blowing things up.

by angry trojan on May 16, 2008 6:31 PM EDT reply actions