THERE IS NO SPOON, AND HE DOESN’T NEED ONE
We woke up at 3:00 a.m. this morning to finish a freelance piece. When you hear the quiet tone of an email bing! into your box at that hour, it is your good friend Xi Shuang Bo, who has helpfully sent you an attachment you should open without questioning or scanning from an anonymous server somewhere in Central Asia, or it is Google Alerts tossing five year old articles about Dennis Franchione at you. (”Franchione: ‘With McNeal, We Can’t Lose.’”)
So when, at 6:12 a.m., we heard a ding!, and would have ignored it had our spidey sense not been tingling. We were right; who else is awake at 6 in the morning thinking delusional thoughts of college football and hitting that Tuss early and often?

LSUFreek, of course. That’s who else is awake at that hour and cranking away.
As a semi-relevant bit of reader mail to tag to this, Dave writes in and notes:
I was looking over some stats today, and I noticed that UCLA punted for about 1,000 more yards last season (3,899) than Notre Dame racked up in total offense the whole year (2,907).
That does about sum it up, Dave. As we speak Charlie’s pondering tweaks as he walks among the endless aisles of virtual pie.









1
Scalz1 says:
As awesome as this is, anyone thinking about Charlie Weis at 6 AM is disturbing.
May 13th, 2008 at 10:00 am
2
Charlie Weis says:
I love me some pies.
May 13th, 2008 at 10:03 am
3
Snowflake the Dog says:
That’s hard to take my eyes off of. Besides, I do like pie.
May 13th, 2008 at 10:04 am
4
kleph says:
good to know another freelance drone was up at 3 a.m. cranking out the copy.
May 13th, 2008 at 10:05 am
5
D'Jango says:
3,000 of those punt yards came against Notre Dame.
May 13th, 2008 at 10:07 am
6
Cock D says:
Mmmmmmmm, pie.
May 13th, 2008 at 10:08 am
7
Out of Conference says:
I sure as hell hope that you have a rule set up with your email provider that when you get mail from LSUFreek, your paypal account communicates some coin to his paypal account. That’s good work, as always, LSUFreek!
May 13th, 2008 at 10:09 am
8
sonofsamford says:
Love how Weiss seems to be expecting more.
May 13th, 2008 at 10:20 am
9
dudis41 says:
We’re gonna need pies… lots of pies.
May 13th, 2008 at 10:34 am
10
yoyofutbawl says:
6
Beat me to it. Damn.
May 13th, 2008 at 10:39 am
11
Scalz1 says:
Those pies look like they have a decided schematic advantage.
May 13th, 2008 at 11:11 am
12
ThreenOut says:
Those look like thug pies. Weis doesn’t eat thug pies. If he did then he would win.
May 13th, 2008 at 11:33 am
13
sb says:
Threenout @ #12…and right now.
Amazing that Chaz doesn’t realize he is a living caricature…and if you told him he wouldn’t believe you…
LSUfreek…nice touch with the wind-blown hair.
May 13th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
14
Mr Pelican Pants says:
So, did Charlie pick the Red Pie, or the Blue Pie?
Knowing Charlie, he probaly ate both of them before Morpheus had a chance to finish what he was saying, ” If you take the Red Pie, you…….holy shit!”!
nearly drawing back 2 nubs since when I picture Charlie Weiss going into a feeeding frenzy, it is like a human Great White shark crossed with Pennywise the Clowns teeth……big sharp teeth come out, eyes turn black god forbids if there is the scent of sugar in the air ……
May 13th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
15
Allahver Fist says:
Charlie, don’t worry. Nobody makes that jump on the 1st try.
May 13th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
16
AllWhoYonder says:
Charlie says “to hell with those pies”
May 13th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
17
Derk says:
Charlie ate the whole damn pie rack, you better believe it. While he was working hard eating pie, Florida was sitting at home eating cheeseburgers…or getting shot…or using dead people’s gas cards…etc etc etc….
May 13th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
18
Dave says:
“Other schools may have an advantage with the quality of pies they have to offer. Or the discipline they can maintain while biting into luscious pie, be it apple, cherry or boisenberry. But Charlie Weis can eat more pie than the entire cast of Where the Boys Aren’t 16. So let’s see who has the pie advantage now.”
May 13th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
19
F-bomb says:
Charlie and Notre Dame despite that stat still beat UCLA. Sucks to be them!
May 13th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
20
NativeSon says:
The answer is out there, Charlie, and it’s looking for you, and it will find you if you want it to.
May 13th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
21
robert says:
LSUFreek makes me believe in intelligent design
May 13th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
22
shelley meyer's cottage cheese ass says:
Ahhh, yes. Weis is fat. When one of your players is arrested for using a dead girl’s credit card, it always makes you feel better about your loathesome “program” to think of that fat coach in Indiana.
May 13th, 2008 at 9:51 pm
23
sb says:
shelley @ #22…are us non-ND faithful getting under your skin? Feeling a little like throwing mud? Gettin’ a little hot that not everyone buys into the ‘glory that is ND’ and other pointless myths and fables? Just curious…
May 14th, 2008 at 7:30 am
24
JFW says:
To Hell with that Pie.
\Weis
\\Bo
May 14th, 2008 at 10:25 am