The University of Washington is ditching “Bow Down To Washington,” and in some senses that’s a shame. This site more than most enjoys a good dose of titter-worthy anachronism, and the lyrics to “Bow Down” have a few howlers we have to read wearing a top hat and kicking an urchin into a gutter:

So, heaven help the foes of Washington,
They’re trembling at the feet of mighty Washington.
Our boys are there with bells,
Their fighting blood excells,
It’s harder to push them over the lines than pass the Dardanelles.
So Victory’s the cry of Washington
Our leather lungs together with a Rah! Rah! Rah!

The Dardanelles comparison remains accurate for modern-day Washington football–easy to pass through, and to readers on the East Coast, situated in an exotic and foreign land–but the uni’s asked for submissions for the lyrics to an entirely new, Turkey reference-free fight song. (The music will not be left to the proles and will instead be composed by Bill Conti, the guy who did the Rocky theme and–more importantly–the motherfucking Falcon Crest theme!)

CORRECTION: Yes, this refers to the alma mater, not the fight song. Our submission still stands, and is much more singable than most alma maters we know.

We decided to throw our hat in the ring, and even offered up our own electrifying music to accompany the lyrics. It’s not your standard fare, but it captures the spirit of what we learned about the Unversity of Washington in at least ten minutes of internet research and what we already half-know about Washington Football.

With the use of a drum machine and keytar, you can not only drive the crowd into an ironic frenzy, but also save money on the expensive and indulgent use of a marching band. We’re considerate and proactive in every facet of our existence, U-Dub. Choose our song and see:

We’ll take that check made out to the Chicago Area Shriner’s Hospital, please. And you’re welcome, Washington. You truly are six foot twenty and fuckin’ killing for fun.

(Animation by Irishoutsider, in case that wasn’t totally and completely obvious. Blame him when the toothy peanut haunts your nightmares.)

As several commenters have suggested, we are COMPLETELY ripping off Cox and Combe’s “Washington”, though we’re stealing large chunks of Miss Kittin and the Hacker’s “Frank Sinatra,” too.