THE CORRECTIONS, 05/08/2008
by Holly Anderson on May 9, 2008 10:33 AM EDT
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PrintMonday's profile of Alabama athletic director Mal Moore listed online roleplaying games among his many hobbies and described him as a "tenth level Elf-Dragon". Mr. Moore is actually an extremely accomplished paladin, and there is also no such thing as an Elf-Dragon. We regret the error.
Roll Tide!
On Tuesday, we reported that the University of Tennessee had, following the firing of Johnny Majors, considered attempting to hire Florida coach Steve Spurrier to replace the longtime Vol coach. This was inaccurate; Tennessee made no such attempt, a point clarified to us at great length in a phone call from Tennessee officials earlier this week. The candidate Tennessee wanted most to replace Johnny Majors was not Spurrier, but rather country music legend David Allen Coe. We regret the error.
Monday's continuing series on the struggle to rebuild Columbus following last year's Ohio State-Michigan victory celebrations misidentified an image as a neighborhood just south of campus. The photo in question is actually of a Beirut bomb crater. We regret the error.
O-H!
Monday's "Where Are They Now?" segment featured a collection of inaccuracies we would like to address here. Purdue is located in West Lafayette, Indiana, not Louisiana. The Heisman Trophy was, until 2001, awarded annually not at Radio City Music Hall, but at the Downtown Athletic Club. And finally, Eric Crouch played at Nebraska, not at Iowa State, and at no point in his adult life fought a crippling addiction to drinking window cleaner he consumed to quiet the voices of relentless murder in his head. We regret the error.
He does, however, have unusually silky dark brown hair and particularly delicate, almost feminine eyelashes his female friends just can't stop gushing over. His secret pride in this forces him to question his understanding of his own masculinity.
The Tuesday Grid-Iron Crossword had an ambiguous clue under "14 letter word for former coach at Texas A&M and Mississippi State." Both the words "Jackie Sherrill" and "Piglickingcheat" fit the slot in the puzzle, causing some consternation among our readers, especially as "piglickingcheat" contains more letters than "Jackie Sherrill." We regret the error, and clearly have no place assembling crossword puzzles in the first place.
A Wednesday evening news flash reported that former Kentucky coach Hal Mumme was among a band of notorious pirates captured by peacekeeping troops in April off the coast of Mozambique. Mr. Mumme has since been located, and apparently serves as the head football coach at "New Mexico State University". We regret the error.
The lead story "Sean McDonough: Announcer at Large" on Monday inaccurately described McDonough as being "three apples high." This refers to the apocryphal height of smurfs, not McDonough. The announcer himself is easily five apples high, and will kick a fucking Smurf in the teeth without hesitation, especially if shirtless white-pant wearing punk suckas walk up on him and take him seven-on-one again like they did after the Continental Tire Bowl BECAUSE THAT'S JUST THE KIND OF PUNK SHIT YOU FRENCH SURRENDER MIDGETS PULL, DON'T YOU SMURFS? WHAT? HUH? YEAH! GARGAMEL AIN'T GOT SHIT ON THIS! BRANG YO BEST, LAWYA!
We regret the error.
Our lead post on Thursday stated that an EDSBS staffer was critically injured after being lured into an open rain gutter with promises of a shiny balloon. The report further named the assailant as Ole Miss head coach Houston Nutt. The perpetrator has since been correctly identified as Pennywise the Dancing Clown. The Turtle cannot help us, and we regret the error.
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Is that a Dark Tower reference at the end? Kudos
by T-Bird on May 9, 2008 10:38 AM EDT reply actions
Your confusion regarding the Columbus photo is understandable. Happens to me all the time.
by DevilGrad on May 9, 2008 10:41 AM EDT reply actions
[dissolves into alternating jokes about David Allen Coe liking to run it up the middle and unseemly drunken weeping]
by Holly on May 9, 2008 10:44 AM EDT reply actions
Is that a Dark Tower reference at the end?
IT, but close.
by Holly on May 9, 2008 10:45 AM EDT reply actions
No, I meant the Turtle. It’s probably in all the books somewhere, but it’s in IT too, in the weird meta part at the end.
Which reminds me that I forgot to add the last image. Haaaang on.
[/nerrrrrrrrrrrd]
by Holly on May 9, 2008 10:55 AM EDT reply actions
Pennywise and hobo’s are the source of so much fear in my life.
by CapstoneAlum on May 9, 2008 10:59 AM EDT reply actions
Ever thought of channelling your fears into a catchall phobia of hobo clowns? Worked for me!
by Holly on May 9, 2008 11:00 AM EDT reply actions
I’m glad that McDonough (Sean, not H.I.) has been able to continue working in broadcasting. I was a little concerned that he would be jobless since all the producers of Harry Potter since Chris Columbus feel the need to exclude Doby the House Elf from the movies.
by Picture Me Rollin on May 9, 2008 11:08 AM EDT reply actions
Steve’s long hair never could quite cover up his red neck
by Jerkwheat on May 9, 2008 11:35 AM EDT reply actions
Gee, thanks. I’ll be up for days now, because otherwise the clown will eat me.
by Snowflake the Dog on May 9, 2008 12:13 PM EDT reply actions
I am confident in my sexuality, but I wanted to see a picture of Eric Crouch.
OK….Wikipedia
HMMM…no pic.
Reading bio….
Let’s see…hurt….replaced by senior walk-on Monte Christo….
WHAT?
Future mothers, please take note. Don’t do this.
by hunglikehussain on May 9, 2008 12:25 PM EDT reply actions
BTW, Holly. I am amazed at how you have blossomed (favorite word to compliment ladies.)
/putting on flak jacket and motorcycle helmet
by hunglikehussain on May 9, 2008 12:51 PM EDT reply actions
Ahhh, IT, the only book i’ve ever read that features a pre-adolecent sewer orgy.
No really, all those Alan Moore books are just to make my bookshelf look better, i haven’t read them…
by Dave(not that one, the other one) on May 9, 2008 12:54 PM EDT reply actions
I am amazed at how you have blossomed
…into what?
by Holly on May 9, 2008 12:54 PM EDT reply actions
Is that Ole Miss tailgating or a Renaissance festival? I really shouldn’t talk… the Beirut scene looks amazingly like the warehouse district behind Williams-Brice.
by Out of Conference on May 9, 2008 1:13 PM EDT reply actions
@Clem, hunglikehussain – Miss Holly has been a high-octane smart-ass for a very long time.
by jebus on May 9, 2008 1:15 PM EDT reply actions
Hig-Octane, my favorite drink and carb cleaner……
Note to all Doctors out there, especially pediatricians….
When I was a kid, clowns scared me…..and guess what was in all the little rooms you sat in for 45 mins waiting on the doc? Pictures of Hobo Clowns with balloons, doing various things with umbrellas and balloons and flowers….there is an inherent evil that lurks in any man who wants to be a clown who cant pay his bills and travel via train town to town, more than likely commiting crimes to support his drug habit…when I relayed that fear to my mom, she simply said what I described sounded like my dad(her ex-husband)…..
by Mr. Pelican Pants on May 9, 2008 1:18 PM EDT reply actions
Why are clowns scary? I don’t know, but I can’t look at that picture. I definitely underestimated the creepiness.
by Brian O'Blivion on May 9, 2008 1:31 PM EDT reply actions
I highly suggest never Googling “pennywise” at three in the morning. That was the only picture I could stand to look at long enough to Photoshop.
by Holly on May 9, 2008 1:39 PM EDT reply actions
Pure genius, particularly The Tuesday Grid-Iron Crossword.
On another note, wouldn’t hobo clowns look like Smurfs?
by jebus on May 9, 2008 2:08 PM EDT reply actions
Here’s the real question. Is there ANYONE who likes clowns? Anyone? Members of the Gacy family not permitted to answer here.
by Snowflake the Dog on May 9, 2008 2:13 PM EDT reply actions
I’m waiting for an issue of “corrections” that features a correction of something higher up in the same issue.
by ChemE93 on May 9, 2008 2:16 PM EDT reply actions
I’ll see if we can work that in without making a “Those responsible for sacking
the people who have just been sacked, have been sacked” joke.
by Holly on May 9, 2008 2:20 PM EDT reply actions
Don’t ever, ever watch the movie Vulgar either. Not just the clown, but one of the most disturbing scenes in a movie, ever.
by Brian O'Blivion on May 9, 2008 2:21 PM EDT reply actions
Georgie don’t follow the boat, don’t follow the boat, don’t follow the boat, don’tfollowtheboatGeorgieNOOOOOOO.
Googling Pennywise at 2 in the afternoon: still horrifying. I’m twitching a little now. grreeeattt.
by GatorAM on May 9, 2008 2:31 PM EDT reply actions
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