FRIDAY CHEESECAKE: LADIES WITH WEAPONS
by Orson on May 9, 2008 3:20 PM EDT
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PrintWe like women with weapons. It's not healthy, we know: blame it on too much adolescent viewing of Weimar Republic-era pornography, or on repeated viewings of Red Sonya, but either way there's a little extra electricity in the air when an attractive woman takes things up a notch or two to .50 caliber sexy with the addition of a potentially death-inducing weapon.
Thus, today's theme: famous ladies with weapons. Enjoy.
Zhang Ziyi
Phenomenal with both swords and curved blades at close range. Possesses a slight edge of craziness in her eye. Really seemed into it when Lo shoves his hand down her pants in the cave scene in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Played a character so possessed with passion and violence in the aforementioned film that she killed herself rather than live. All of these are traits we'd bulletpoint on a resume of hotness.
Vasquez, Aliens
Cast straight from the A-Rod school of female design, yes; however, our admiration springs from her ability to wield one of the baddest guns in movie history, her loving relationship with fellow mad gunner Drake, her pull-up ability, and her decision to blow herself and fifty aliens to hell rather than surrender.
Kate Beckinsale, Underworld.
Two guns. Hundreds of vampires. One indestructible laytex bodysuit.
Rose McGowan, Planet Terror.
Gets a gun attached to her later in the film and is still hot. We present the initial hot pants scene, where McGowan demonstrates excellent lift, separation, and globularity in the buttocks department.
Halle Berry, Die Another Day.
She's got a dive knife, right? That counts.
Pam Grier, Coffy
Shoots her politician boyfriend in the crotch with a shotgun after he betrays her to the mob. Looks Pam Grier-good the whole time doing it, too.
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Very nice! Doesn’t Selma Hyeck pack heat at some point in Desperado, or was that all Banderas?
by Vol on May 9, 2008 3:33 PM EDT reply actions
That Ass on Rose is a weapon if I ever saw one. Its a mind control device.
by Brian on May 9, 2008 3:39 PM EDT reply actions
This list almost, and I mean almost, makes me long for the regular, South American butt-babies normally found here.
However, Halle Berry makes up for everything. H-a-l-l-e B-e-r-r-y, ummmmmmmm.
by Sundawg on May 9, 2008 3:39 PM EDT reply actions
@5 -
I like the themes…takes a little more thought than just pasting hot ass up on the page.
That being said…maybe it is time to venture back south of the border for those surfer/volleyball girls one of these Fridays.
by Vol on May 9, 2008 3:47 PM EDT reply actions
I think Zhang Ziyi is super-hot, and it drives my wife crazy that I think Zhang Ziyi is hot, and that makes Zhang Ziyi even hotter…
by Adam on May 9, 2008 3:51 PM EDT reply actions
Yeah, Vasquez wasn’t hot, but that weapon was.
“Hey. I only need to know one thing. Where. They. Are.”
by weagle251 on May 9, 2008 3:53 PM EDT reply actions
#2: Correct. She alone made Underworld worth watching.
by Rob on May 9, 2008 3:54 PM EDT reply actions
Beckinsale was also stunning in “Van Helsing”….an irretrievably dumb movie, but damn, was she ever hot in it….
by sandman227 on May 9, 2008 3:58 PM EDT reply actions
#1: Yes Selma has pulled off the weapons/hotness parlay several times.
How could you forget the flashback scene in “Once Upon a Time in Mexico” where she has 10 or 12 throwing knives stuffed in a custom-made garter. (btw Eva Mendes cameos as a Federalli for bonus hotness with weapons. )
by CincySooner on May 9, 2008 3:58 PM EDT reply actions
- and #9 win. No “hotties with weapons” display is complete without Salma.
by Signal to Noise on May 9, 2008 4:06 PM EDT reply actions
What was the name of that one cum dumpster in Van Helsing? She didn’t go 2 minutes in that movie without a weapon or a drink in one of her hands and she was totally motor-boatable….
by Ryno on May 9, 2008 4:21 PM EDT reply actions
Uma Thurman is missing from this. But I googled naked pictures of Kate Beckinsale this morning after sitting through Van Helsing on TBS last night.
She really is the hottest thing out of England ever.
by odell51 on May 9, 2008 4:27 PM EDT reply actions
Well Mr. Hall, if you’re not already 3 drinks into the weekend, it looks like the populace yearns for Salma. But no, I’m not looking a gift horse in the mouth.
by Vol on May 9, 2008 4:28 PM EDT reply actions
Where’s Amanda Peet’s contribution from the Whole Nine Yards? Brings a whole new meaning to “Naked Gun”
by JTG on May 9, 2008 4:31 PM EDT reply actions
How about Dolly Parton? Didnt she carry a gun in 9 to 5 when they kidnapped their boss?
by Mr. Pelican Pants on May 9, 2008 4:32 PM EDT reply actions
Mr Pelican Pants @ 24, I believe she did – but that might be too much of a good thing.
by DC Trojan on May 9, 2008 4:37 PM EDT reply actions
I think that the snake Salma wears in ‘From Dusk Till Dawn’ could be considered a weapon.
by spartanmike on May 9, 2008 4:39 PM EDT reply actions
I just saw “Aliens” again the other day on Starz, and it still scares the fuck out of me. I guess where that movies concerned, I’m still just a six-year-old watching it on HBO when my parents aren’t home. So … I am probably overlooking any hotness there might be in that movie…
by Jack on May 9, 2008 5:01 PM EDT reply actions
Worst list ever.
Worst Friday Cheesecake ever. Vasquez? Really? Is hot? Does she even count as a female?
I get it – throw everyone a curve with creativity for its own sake! Hey, Rosie O’Donnell had a gun in Stakeout, why not add her? Just as valid; even more original.
The captions are half-hearted, too. Friday cheesecake has really stumbled lately.
I feel like I accidentally clicked on one of those random Yahoo lists. Either do it right or don’t do it at all, damnit! This used to be something to look forward to!
by Hoboken on May 9, 2008 5:23 PM EDT reply actions
Hoboken—
Nothing would thrill us more, frankly.
by Orson Swindle on May 9, 2008 5:43 PM EDT reply actions
#27-Spartan Mike:
Nicely done…can’t belive I forgot about that scene
by sandman227 on May 9, 2008 6:07 PM EDT reply actions
Hoboken — You have a right to complain because . . . ?
by Allaha on May 9, 2008 6:09 PM EDT reply actions
Because finding naked ladies on the internet on your own is REALLY REALLY DIFFICULT.
by Holly on May 9, 2008 6:12 PM EDT reply actions
What about Holly in “Lost a bet to Orson” – those were some nice guns!
ok ok I’m not a stalker.
I did see Coffy the other night late on IFC. Damn Pam Grier was tough.
Others I’d add
Trinity in Matrix
Princess Leia with a blaster
Mary Stuart Masterson or Andie MacDowell in Bad Girls (although Drew got nekkid)
the hot chick in Starship Troopers- either one of them actually
by Out of Conference on May 9, 2008 6:56 PM EDT reply actions
OOOOH. Dina Meyer (sp?). Yes yes yes, even hot when she’s spitting up blood.
by Holly on May 9, 2008 6:59 PM EDT reply actions
Allaha – You have a right to ask me that because….?
If Orson doesn’t want to do it, then free him from his misery. End the sad charade!
by Hoboken on May 9, 2008 7:01 PM EDT reply actions
On a scale of 1-10, Kate Beckinsale rates a "Girls making out. "
Comment by Bruce May 9, 2008 @ 2:35 pm
Fixed.
Seriously, she is one of the most desirable women on earth. To quote Henry Rollins…..
“I want a woman who can sit me down, shut me up, tell me ten things I don’t already know and make me laugh. I don’t care what you look like. Just turn me on. And if you can do that, I will follow you on bloody stumps through the snow….”
by Ninja Football on May 9, 2008 7:11 PM EDT reply actions
I couldn’t take Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon seriously because the physics in it look exactly like those from Super Mario 64.
When I caught it on DVD, I just kept saying “Yah! Wah! Yahoooooo!” That completely ruined it for my friend who owned the movie and henceforth could not avoid thinking of the plumber while watching it.
by Year2-Dave on May 9, 2008 7:12 PM EDT reply actions
1. Kate Beckinsale ruins every movie, ever. Hate.
2. For fuck’s sake, here.
by Holly on May 9, 2008 7:55 PM EDT reply actions
The URL is something now, but not when you first put it up. It had been:
http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/2008/05/09/friday-cheesecake-ladies-with-weapons/www
by Year2-Dave on May 9, 2008 8:58 PM EDT reply actions
Rose McGowan – that’s an ass.
Otherwise, meh bunda this week.
by Cock D on May 9, 2008 11:54 PM EDT reply actions
Granted, there’re many better pictures of Zhang Ziyi, but how can you knock any list that includes her, Halle Berry, Kate Beckinsale, and Rose McGowan?
I’ll take that over random South American girls I’ve never heard of any day of the week.
by chg on May 10, 2008 12:34 AM EDT reply actions
Hey, how bout Helen Slater in the movie
“The Legend of Billie Jean”? Didnt she shoot a man, just to watch him die? Thats hawwwwt……..and I think Ms. Slater is hotter since she is on Smallville now….
by Mr Pelican Pants on May 10, 2008 8:39 AM EDT reply actions
No one has mentioned Milla Jovovich, who has starred in those three Resident Evil movies and Ultraviolet? Sure, the movies are crap, but she’s totally hot. She ought to get a bonus vote for being in Dazed and Confused too.
by baconboy on May 10, 2008 9:50 AM EDT reply actions
PATRICIA ARQUETTE
Nascent arousals abound when a generously endowed female named Alabama kicks the living fuck outta James Gandolfini.
James-friggin GANDOLFINI !!!!!!
“True Romance” is one of my favorites, and………………………………………her name’s A L A B A M A! (sweet!)
by tapout on May 12, 2008 5:06 AM EDT reply actions
Rose McGowan must’ve had NERF ass implants done to complete the Tijuana Trifecta of bad plastic surgery she underwent, including the addition of Michaels Jackson’s nose (#4) and the Barbi Twins’ lips. What a waste, but the catalytic crazy bitch synergy with Alyssa Milano was just too much, I guess.
As for the rest of the list, I salute the inclusion of Vasqie and her heroically underrated tetas grandes. You could make an argument for Sigourney and her jiffy-pop panty-clad muff in several “Alien” films, but I won’t. (Bonus for Harry Connick, Jr. requestung a pair of her “Squirrel covers” in “Copycat”.)
Finally, for you pablum-puking whiners who want “more” than you got herein, google “Veronika Zemanova actiongirls”. She is the indisputable litmus test for presence of the pillow-biter gene.
by CockofAges on May 12, 2008 11:17 AM EDT reply actions
What, no Lori Petty? Tank Girl totally kicked butt.
by fresh on May 12, 2008 1:18 PM EDT reply actions
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