DAN HAWKINS TO DEFEAT APARTHEID IN COLORADO

by Orson on May 8, 2008 11:40 AM EDT

Hawkins needs this outfit--especially the stick.

We really, really like Dan Hawkins, though it's the kind of like you have for your daffiest professor or most energetic neighbor who, after completing their 5:00 a.m. run and eating their carefully measured breakfast of berries, whole grains, and egg whites, comes over to your house to bring you a perfectly carved Chinese dragon he whittled out of some driftwood he just had laying around the workshop, you know.

Hawkins spoke with the John Lynch Foundation in Denver on Wednesday at a even referred to in the Rocky Mountain News as "Lynchfest," a name we guarantee you will never see for any event in Mississippi, Alabama, Florida, Georgia, and a number of other states. Hawkins announced not only that Colorado will win a national title, they will do it in holistic and non-apartheidish manner.

"One of my heroes is Nelson Mandela. He has a word, it's called ubuntu. And ubuntu kind of embodies the whole mentality that we're all in this thing together," Hawkins told the group.

Wait, there's this, too: Hawkins is into Linux! Internet libertarian Paultardian dorks, you have your football program chosen for you.

(HT: Matt.)

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Soon Hawkins is going to be boogie boarding with Pete out on the astral plane.

Sounds like a cool event for all the Lynchbowski achievers.

by oc phil on May 8, 2008 11:48 AM EDT reply actions

Uh, Nelson looks pretty pleased with that enormous white pecker…

by sb on May 8, 2008 11:49 AM EDT reply actions

I’ll be very disappointed if there’s isn’t a play in the Colorado book called “Hardy Heron.”

by DC Trojan on May 8, 2008 11:56 AM EDT reply actions

I’m speechless. Does he think he is solving world problems coaching football? His program is number 3 on the Fulmer Cup board. Obviously, his new age crap isn’t working.

by blon57 on May 8, 2008 12:06 PM EDT reply actions

Internet libertarian Paultardian dorks, you have your football program chosen for you.

Until Hawkins tells us his stance on fiat currency, I’m going to withhold my support.

by Chuck on May 8, 2008 12:08 PM EDT reply actions

Thye day Colorado wins a second national championship is the day i eat my hat.

by CincySooner on May 8, 2008 12:09 PM EDT reply actions

Ubuntu has been a “team quote”/rallying cry for sports teams. I’ll bet if you talked to a Boise fan/player/supporter, he’ll give you a full-on etymology of the South African phrase.

by Tsell on May 8, 2008 12:17 PM EDT reply actions

Ubuntu? that’s intramural level crap. Real men run Gentoo. And here I thought this was DIVISION 1 FOOTBALL.

by NDTom on May 8, 2008 12:46 PM EDT reply actions

Not only does Nelson Mandela have that word, so do about 100 million other people. And get this: they call an egg mayai. Cheese is jibini. Boy, they have a different word for everything!

by Chg on May 8, 2008 12:59 PM EDT reply actions

Somebody channel Ross Barnett. And Sam Bowers too. Their ghosts can’t wait for next year’s Lynchfest.

by yoyofutbawl on May 8, 2008 1:06 PM EDT reply actions

There’s an old joke with a punchline of “death by ubuntu”, isn’t there?

by spartanmike on May 8, 2008 1:06 PM EDT reply actions

“Thye day Colorado wins a second national championship is the day i eat my hat” – cincysooner

Dan Hawkins assembled his finest Ubuntu for the OU “lynchfest” and dick sanding in 07.

by Rashaan Salaam on May 8, 2008 1:20 PM EDT reply actions

Ahh, I see Mandela is a Hawkins fan as well. Hawk prolly snapped that photo right after 4:20 in Boulder – hence stoner grin, black and gold jacket.

by Rashaan Salaam on May 8, 2008 1:25 PM EDT reply actions

Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but the Dan Hawkins story has a BAAAAD ending. He’s nuts.

- well said.

by OhioDawg on May 8, 2008 1:28 PM EDT reply actions

Steve Spurrier runs slackware, not this noob shit.

by woooooohooooooooo on May 8, 2008 1:51 PM EDT reply actions

Do all South Africans have to write with a pencil like that? I remember in kindergarten trying to write with a pencil that large, and it never made sense to me….small hands, large pencil, on paper that is toilet paper thin trying to write around the holes you have gouged into the desk and paper….and the eraser would literally take your skin off like some sort of sandpaper

by Mr. Pelican Pants on May 8, 2008 1:54 PM EDT reply actions

Chg (@ 9), Hawkins is gonna make you wear the cruel shoes if you question heroes.

by Unhappy Monkey on May 8, 2008 2:00 PM EDT reply actions

/yell “Klatu, Verata, Ubuntu!”

by Exeter on May 8, 2008 3:27 PM EDT reply actions

Colorado recruits want to know what happened to the freeware?

by Out of Conference on May 8, 2008 3:55 PM EDT reply actions

errr no need for the ? mark…. damn publik edukat.. educashu… skooling.

by Out of Conference on May 8, 2008 3:55 PM EDT reply actions

Fair enough #12… yes OU lost to the buffs,

but do you really think CU will ever go undefeated in the Big XII??

by CincySooner on May 8, 2008 4:59 PM EDT reply actions

@cincysooner:

can CU go undefeated in the b12? sure, why not?

zen master dan is on his own astral plane but he has the folks in boulder believing.

be the bow, cincy, not the arrow.

by DieFuskerDie on May 8, 2008 6:54 PM EDT reply actions

Will Buff fans start breaking out into “Shosholoza” during game days? Pondering . . .

by MCab on May 8, 2008 7:37 PM EDT reply actions

As long as L.A. has good college teams and Tex as well, he can’t recruit enough talent to win a 2nd nat’l champ on the Rocky’s east edge.
But he can lead the big 12 in herbal-enhanced verbiage.

by geo-bevo on May 8, 2008 8:39 PM EDT reply actions