CURIOUS INDEX, 5/7/08

by Orson on May 7, 2008 9:29 AM EDT

The proletariat will rise, and you will beat the guts out of them at homecoming. San Jose State coach Dick Tomey called the APR "class warfare" on smaller schools like San Jose State, who will be docked nine scholarships and four hours of practice time weekly due to their struggling APR.

Theres such a difference between the B.C.S. schools and those who are not, Tomey said. I dont think its an intended difference, but it highlights financial things like not being able to throw money at the problem and solve it very quickly.

To the streets, Dick Tomey! The midget corps has your back! Wait: widget corps? That's not half as cool.

As part of college football's Urban Haute Bourgeoisie, we light a cigar with a hundred dollar bill and tell you to get begging, urchins! Our carriage needs a lithe young rapscallion like yourself to clear the pigfilthy streets of this town for us, lest we get poor germs on our hansom! The little sweep-boy may have a point: of the 37 football programs hit with penalties by the NCAA, only two were from BCS conferences (Kansas and Washington State.

The apt metaphor for this may not be class warfare, even if Moscow's involved. The better analogy for this may be No Child Left Behind: schools performing badly are sanctioned, then sanctioned again, and given little recourse--and even less if they have no swing or political clout within the NCAA. The Wiz is all over the particulars, including more Entertaining Fun with Mike Stoops, who loses football games and whose team has the lowest APR among BCS teams.

Pete Carroll thinks you're lazy. Saban's videoconferencing to get around the new recruiting rules, which Pete Carroll ascribes to sheer laziness rather than an interest in the recruits' well-being:

I dont want to sound like a jerk, Carroll told The Sporting News, but other coaches... theyre just lazy.

If Saban is videoconferencing, rest assured Pete Carroll is visiting recruits on the astral plane and bypassing this pesky technology.

Welcome to UCLA. Physical therapy included. UCLA's having a positively Iowa-esque injury plague this spring, and it's not just with the returning starters at quarterback. Walk-on running back Craig Sheppard had surgery to replace the AC joint in his shoulder and will be out 4-6 months. In addition to this, starting qb Ben Olson just had a screw put in his foot, backup Patrick Cowan is out for the season, and JUCO Kevin Craft will have to have his head bolted back to his shoulders sometime around the end of September.

Get in on the ground floor of UGA hype: Tony Barnhart has them at number one. No pressure! [/hurling cursing mindbolts with all our might and watching Knowshon Moreno dodge them effortlessly.]

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Pete Carrolls’ next recruiting tactic will be to recruit from the future

thus began the robot football wars

by Futbawl Fan on May 7, 2008 9:43 AM EDT reply actions

I’m sorry, but #3 is too high for Missouri.

They will miss Temple, the TE twins, Franklin, and the offensive line much more than people seem to think.

I believe that last year was result of the perfect convergence of experience and talent that they won’t be able ti duplicate this year.

by CincySooner on May 7, 2008 9:51 AM EDT reply actions

The Auburn coaches are just now installing high speed internet in their offices. No shit, I’m not making this up.

I figured Orson would love that, since he gets such a big kick out of all the @aol.com posters associated with Alabama.

by Tater Salad on May 7, 2008 10:02 AM EDT reply actions

Dick Toomey has the Widget Corps. Kenny Irons has the Midget Corps.

by DevilGrad on May 7, 2008 10:05 AM EDT reply actions

Ho-lee shit… a Whit Stillman reference…color me stunned…

Good luck with your Furrierism.

by Mr. Wrong on May 7, 2008 10:09 AM EDT reply actions

If you read the article, Carroll was commenting on the ban on spring recruiting visits – implying that it was created/supported by the “lazy” coaches who did not take advantage of the old rule. He was not commenting on the use of videoconferencing.

Nice attempt at creating a Carroll v. Saban controversy though.

by CrimsonBarrister on May 7, 2008 10:26 AM EDT reply actions

The UGA hype shall have the same effect as being on the SI cover…I have decreed it and it shall be so…power of positive thought and all, so take it to the bank.

by sb on May 7, 2008 10:32 AM EDT reply actions

Orson, you will notice that Knowshon dodges your mindbolts with the same rhythm and moves that he uses in “Crank dat.”

by Dawg 05 on May 7, 2008 10:39 AM EDT reply actions

Little did the baby bruins know that the $40 / day taped to their chairs was to cover their health insurance deductibles.

by DC Trojan on May 7, 2008 10:54 AM EDT reply actions

As a Mizzou fan, the news about Kansas is a great way to wake up this morning.

Re#2: Mizzou lost Rucker but Coffman returns. Franklin wasn’t the best WR on the team, and Temple wasn’t the best RB on the team (as if they run that much to begin with). I’m not exactly sure on the OL situation, but I think not too many were lost in graduation or drafting (or smashing cars in a parking garage.)

by bk on May 7, 2008 10:55 AM EDT reply actions

In a just world, the Midget Corps would look like these guys but with better uniforms…

The Vanguard of the Proletariat is here!

or more precisely…

The Vanguard of the Proletariat is down here!

by DC Trojan on May 7, 2008 11:06 AM EDT reply actions

Methinks San Jose St. needs to take a better look at their athletics, didn’t they have like 5 teams getting penalized for low APR?

by Nick on May 7, 2008 11:08 AM EDT reply actions

Re #10

Color me an idiot on the Coffman thing.

I know Maclin is probably the best player on Missouri’s team, but Daniel is going to miss having that second (third in this offense) reciever handy.

But going by the stats Temple was the best/most experienced RB on the team. They can’t line up Maclin at RB and WR at the same time, I don’t see Daniel playing all-time RB a la Tebow… I mean not even Tebow could manage that without getting hurt.

Methinks that losing a Rimmington finalist at center will hurt as well. I thought you lost 3 linemen, but I guess it was only 2. So that may not be that big a deal. I’m thinking they get 9-10 regular season wins.

by CincySooner on May 7, 2008 11:42 AM EDT reply actions

It’s true that the BCS schools have greater resources to allocate for academic services, but it seems ridiculous to complain about the penalties when you’re kids are not doing the right things in the classroom.

And for those who care, the NCAA is working with each school on developing improvement plans, so hopefully that will help the results in future years.

Josh Centor
NCAA

by Josh Centor on May 7, 2008 12:14 PM EDT reply actions

I’ll agree with your assessment mostly. Temple was the most experienced RB for sure, but when the other RB came into the game this year, it was obvious that the only reason he was the starter was because he was a senior (or more experienced). I think there will be more speed at that position this year.

by bk on May 7, 2008 12:18 PM EDT reply actions

O, the hype-elevator for UGA left the ground floor before last season even ended. Unfortunately for them, the more time spent going up only leads to a longer, more devastating free-fall plunge back to reality. I hate to reference the tough schedule, but….schedule (and possibly some lack of O-Line depth) may ultimately be their downfall.

by NativeSon on May 7, 2008 12:25 PM EDT reply actions