Monday’s piece dealing with booster concerns in Knoxville over player discipline reported that Tennessee punter Britton Colquitt has been ordered to hand-wash coach Phillip Fulmer’s car after repeated alcohol-related violations. Colquitt is to wash Coach Fulmer’s wife’s car. Additionally, a quote from Florida coach Urban Meyer calling the punishment “harsh” was not included. We regret the error and the omission.

Tuesday’s “Players who have never, ever, ever smoked marijuana EVER” piece listed Ryan Perrilloux as one of “college football’s most stalwart anti-reefer crusaders struggling to save youth from the smoky stinking menace of cannabis.” We are obviously wrong here, and we regret the error.

An interview with Mark Richt credited the Georgia head coach’s unnaturally taut and shiny complexion to candle wax drippings. Coach Richt favors paraffin to keep his pores filled and shimmering. We regret the error


Shiny!

On Thursday we mentioned that Chris Fowler had dropped to a 4-day low of 0.9203 against the Indonesian rupiah in early Asian trading on Monday, and that the rupiah-Fowler pair was worth 0.9178 at Friday’s close. This actually refers to the American dollar against the Indonesian rupiah. We apologize for the rioting and mob violence that ensued in Jakarta, and regret the loss of 21 lives in the aftermath. We at EDSBS deeply regret the error and the sorrow it has caused the Indonesian people. Maaf.

Monday’s Curious Index listed “Depends” as an official sponsor of Florida State football. We apologize, as this is clearly a cheap knockoff slight at Florida State football, Bobby Bowden’s age, and an unverifiable accusation of incontinence against one of the greatest football coaches alive. Depends called our legal department to clarify that while Bowden is not a sponsor, Texas defensive coordinator Will Muschamp does employ them in moments of extreme, bowel-rattling excitement, and that Arizona State quarterback Rudy Carpenter wore them late last season for obvious reasons.

We regret the error, and suggest you yourself avoid the rush by picking up a pack for long Saturdays this fall.

A Wednesday news blurb attributed an intra-squad scuffle at an Illinois team party to rage virus-laced Vitamin Water provided by team trainers. Further interviews lead us to believe the disturbance began during a heated game of Rock Band, when a team manager singing Jimi Hendrix’s “Kiss the Sky” made what is widely accepted to be a common error and sang “Excuse me while I kiss this guy.” Reports indicate he then leaned into the microphone, an act that was mistaken for a sexual advance by a nearby unnamed offensive lineman. We regret the error.

On Thursday, we used a satirical animation depicting Phil Fulmer as the star of the 1982 horror-comedy Basketcase. This was clearly inaccurate, and only intended as satire. Fulmer is best known for his work as the planet Europa in 2010.

Tuesday night’s episode of EDSBS Live ended with the sign-off, “[Oklahoma head coach] Bob Stoops loses football games”. Bob’s younger brother, Arizona head coach Mike Stoops, loses football games. We regret the error, and blame the sake-bombs downed between callers.

Wednesday, we mentioned the story of Rick Neuheisel attempting to cash a fake $317 billion dollar check at a Fort Worth, Texas bank following a particularly successful office pool. The actual amount was $360 billion. We regret the error.

Wednesday also featured an interview with ESPN’s Skip Bayless, who in the interview said his greatest joy in life was “feeling the hum of a stifled scream beneath my strangling fingers.” These remarks were taken out of context, and we regret the error.

Yesterday’s 2008 Sun Belt Preview reported Florida Atlantic coach Howard Schnellenberger’s age as “older than God”. A representative from The Great Beyond contacted us this morning with yearbook evidence showing Schnellenberger to be two years ahead of Our Lord, though God is taller. The EDSBS staff was also chided for skipping Feast of the Ascension Mass. We regret both errors.