PERRILLOUX: GONE
The reefer man post was angling for Perrilloux rumors confirmation. None needed: the AP is reporting that Perrilloux is gone at last, having set fire to Les Miles house, eaten his dog, and then flossing his teeth with Mrs. Miles gold tennis bracelets failed a drug test, according to our sources.
This means that Perrilloux didn’t just fail one test, of course: at Florida back in the 90s, Jason Williams failed no fewer than ten tests before he got the boot. We suspect the same range of drug testing leniency applied to the immensely talented AND stupid Perrilloux, as in RYAN WE ARE TESTING YOU IN A WEEK HERE’S SOME GOLDENSEAL AND A JUG OF WATER MIGHT WANT TO USE THESE HINT HINT HINT.
Good luck, sixty motherfucking million dollar man! It was fun knowing you. With Perrilloux, LSU was starting the season at the forty fucking yard line.
Without him, they’re on the 20 with everyone else at best.
Filed under: Coaches, the BCS, scandals, arrests, and other eccentri, College football, Southeastern Conference, weed by Orson Swindle
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1
Why reference the 90’s when you could reference 2 seasons ago and Urban giving me multiple drug tests until I finally passed one?
Comment by Marcus Thomas — May 2, 2008 @ 8:43 am
2
I just moved a sure loss into a possible loss on the Cocks schedule. Nice!
Comment by Out of Conference — May 2, 2008 @ 8:45 am
3
One step closer to that Casino and that weak drink. Too bad now he wont have any booster money to play with. Oh well there is always Equatorial Guinea.
Comment by Jim-bo — May 2, 2008 @ 8:46 am
4
jpbiscuit told me of this last night. I had my doubts, not because I doubted that he failed a drug test, just that Miles would finally kick him off.
So RP getting the boot b/c of a drug test is kind of like Capone getting locked up for tax evasion, right? I mean, kinda funny, isn’t it? He’s probably got the bodies of 2 Plank Road hookers in his closet, covered only by counterfeit bills…but that weed got him.
Comment by RaginCajunRebel — May 2, 2008 @ 8:47 am
5
goodbye lsu….hello angola mid 2009!!!
Comment by gerry dorsey — May 2, 2008 @ 8:48 am
6
All of his actions so far seem to indicate he was trying to get kicked out of school. Maybe he can borrow the president’s “Mission Accomplished” banner for the occasion.
The only question now is, which small school will take him in to try to “help him get back on the right path”? June Jones at SMU? Dooley’s son at LA Tech? Maybe he’ll become the next EA cover boy from Boise State. The possibilities are endless, my friends.
Comment by Dave — May 2, 2008 @ 8:50 am
7
OK, everyone who’s surprised, please raise your hands. Anyone? Beuller? Beuller?
Comment by Great Caesar's Ghost — May 2, 2008 @ 8:50 am
8
Football was distracting from his terrorist hunting duties.
Now that he has the free time, he should team up with Limas Sweed and use his international counterfeiting ring to fund the Rogue Empire and bring the world to its very knees!
Comment by Brian — May 2, 2008 @ 8:51 am
9
If RP had somehow made it to the NFL level, there is no doubt that he would never have to worry about where he would sleep, or if he would eat.
When he’s drafted for the Angola football team, not much will change: meals are covered, bed is provided. I guess the only question will be whether he finds marital bliss with some guy named Rock.
I quote the great philosopher, Bugs Bunny: “What a maroon!”
Comment by Murphy — May 2, 2008 @ 8:53 am
10
Nick Saban definitely has time for this shit.
Comment by MCab — May 2, 2008 @ 8:55 am
11
>The only question now is, which small school will take him in to >try to “help him get back on the right path”?
He’s talking to Saban right now.
Comment by WDamnE — May 2, 2008 @ 8:55 am
12
RCR, agreed. I figured it would have involved some sort of elaborate attempt to overthrow the government or smuggling ancient Mayan articfacts across foreign borders that would have brought RP down eventually.
Comment by Bunkie Perkins — May 2, 2008 @ 8:56 am
13
Finally!
Comment by allyourkegsarebelongtostafford — May 2, 2008 @ 8:57 am
14
So we’re just gonna let the terrorists win?
Comment by sonofsamford — May 2, 2008 @ 8:57 am
15
God dammit, he was good for at least one Corrections item a week.
Comment by Holly — May 2, 2008 @ 9:00 am
16
Loose Canadian drug laws + wacky three-down football + strong exchange rate = silver lining in Winnipeg?
Comment by DevilGrad — May 2, 2008 @ 9:00 am
17
@9
omg… a toast to you, sir… nice ring from 2004…. oooooo. sry. that was completely unintentional…
you will rule the SEC with burns. spread. midgets. suitcases. sociology.
oh, i left out the most famous: BARN!
Comment by burt77 — May 2, 2008 @ 9:01 am
18
Ugh. Just got a sinking feeling in my stomach, like syrup of ipecac, because that makes the Boogs the favorites in the West now. Shit.
Comment by Der Schatten — May 2, 2008 @ 9:04 am
19
Getting kicked of the LSU team for rules infractions is kind of like Shane MacGowan getting kicked out of The Pogues for drinking too much. It completely defies the ability of mind to comprehend but, somehow, it came to pass.
Comment by kleph — May 2, 2008 @ 9:04 am
20
How’d you get kicked off the team on summer break ?/
Damn !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
/Chris Rock’s annoying ass voice.
Comment by Scalz1 — May 2, 2008 @ 9:07 am
21
If you get dismissed off the team do you still have to sit out a year before starting for RichRod?
Comment by zzgator — May 2, 2008 @ 9:11 am
22
@18…that would be Chris Tucker.
Comment by zzgator — May 2, 2008 @ 9:11 am
23
I’m fairly certain he left the team to focus on his studies.
Comment by Sundawg — May 2, 2008 @ 9:13 am
24
CURIOUS TIMING ALERT!!!
Miles and his offensive staff must’ve had a big pow-wow after spring practice and decided that they could win 10 games with the nameless backup at QB.
P.S. — You know what this post needs? A siren. I demand MORE SIREN!
Comment by decemberist — May 2, 2008 @ 9:14 am
25
He’s off to H-burg. He and Afroman are collaborating on a new joint, “Because I got high (ver 2.0).” Ricky Williams will be in on it, plus every lawya you ever heard of.
Comment by MCab — May 2, 2008 @ 9:15 am
26
OK, I’m taking bets as to where Perrilloux will end up next.
Arkansas Razorbacks — 70:1
Miami Hurricanes — 25:1
Southeastern Louisiana Lions — 15:1
Florida A&M Rattlers — 10:1
Bossier-Shreveport Battle Wings: 5:1
Fort Worth Regulators — 3.5:1
Sudanese People’s Liberation Army — 5:3
Comment by Doug — May 2, 2008 @ 9:18 am
27
Garcia and RP will be in Tijuana having drinks waiting on Charlie Weiss to give them a call cause he is tired of speedo-boy!
Comment by GaDawg — May 2, 2008 @ 9:22 am
28
DevilGrad @ 14 - I don’t know how to break it to you, but the favorable exchange rate isn’t quite what it used to be. About the only advantage to Perriloux of moving to Canada is saving the shipping costs on British Columbia’s finest herbal output.
Comment by DC Trojan — May 2, 2008 @ 9:24 am
29
Well, damn. He was always good for a laugh in the offseason. What am I going to point and laugh at now until August? I haven’t been this sad since Da Coach O went to the NFL.
HOLLAHPOSSUMHOLLAHYOYOYOYOFOOBAWYOUBEEBAW!
Comment by the croominator — May 2, 2008 @ 9:29 am
30
RCR,
I agree it’s strange that the weed got him. Whatever, I’m glad. Check my blog for thoughts. How’s the law over in N.I.?
Comment by Joshua — May 2, 2008 @ 9:29 am
31
The tragedy is that the Deep South is losing all its characters. First, The Orgeron and now RP. I blame pinko athiests and Jim Delaney.
Comment by Joshua — May 2, 2008 @ 9:30 am
32
Jerry Jones and Al Davis have been seen standing outside RPs front door.
Comment by M — May 2, 2008 @ 9:30 am
33
He could also goto to Kansas, where drug tests are conveniently ignored.
Comment by M — May 2, 2008 @ 9:32 am
34
Cab Calloway is still awesome, by the way.
Comment by Dave — May 2, 2008 @ 9:37 am
35
The tragedy is that the Deep South is losing all its characters. First, The Orgeron and now RP.
At least we’ve still got Houston Dale Nutt. But you’re right, we’re running on strategic reserves right now.
Comment by beast in bama — May 2, 2008 @ 9:40 am
36
Guess his prophetic statements about winning multiple Heismans never came to fruition…Tebow, on the other hand…
Comment by Bill Oliver — May 2, 2008 @ 9:42 am
37
So, any bets on when the PLOI shows up in Red Stick?
I still can’t believe the Hat kicked him off the team.
Comment by gurn — May 2, 2008 @ 10:02 am
38
This is a significant blow to LSU’s shot at the Fulmer Cup.
I also think Kansas would be a safe fit.
Comment by bk — May 2, 2008 @ 10:04 am
39
Next stop… if not LSU again, then Grambling or some other I-AA HBCU where he’ll play right away so he can jump to the pros (and be promptly ignored).
But he won’t be at Texas Southern because they got the kid who was at the root of “I’m a MAN, I’m 40!” now.
Comment by UgasTexan — May 2, 2008 @ 10:06 am
40
Oh, and also, dude:
Somewhere Mack Brown is heaving a big ole Texas-sized sigh of relief that he dodged that bullet!
Comment by UgasTexan — May 2, 2008 @ 10:07 am
41
I’ll believe it if it holds in Sept. Expect both Les and RP to be “boosterized” this summer with miraculous conversions occurring and “final chances” being issued. There is no end to ‘forgiveness” in the land of the coonass.
Comment by MassDad — May 2, 2008 @ 10:11 am
42
Perrilloux leaving just makes me …sad.
Comment by Dave K. — May 2, 2008 @ 10:12 am
43
@ 21
All wrong. He’s already on a plane to the Afghanistan-Pakistan border. He will find bin Laden. God speed, RP, god speed.
Comment by Joe — May 2, 2008 @ 10:30 am
44
Is Ryan Perrilloux a rich man’s Quincy Carter, or was Quincy a poor man’s Perrilloux?
Comment by UgaMatt — May 2, 2008 @ 10:50 am
45
I think RP will surface at Marshall where he will go on to give the NCAA its first 300 lb QB
Comment by blazin — May 2, 2008 @ 11:01 am
46
I have mixed emotions…on the one hand, RP @ LSU was a wonderfully unstable situation…you never knew what would happen next, either in the offseason or during a game. On the other hand, how can one guy slide on every headline making debacle he creates…I am caught doing any one thing that guy was in the middle of and I am shipped off never to be heard from again…Mrs. sb sends out a search party with orders to find me dead or not at all. My favorite dawg-exes would no longer pine for their escaped Gator…but until now RP was teflon.
I will bet a $100 donation to the EDSBS Bowl that RP starts at LSU this year…
Comment by sb — May 2, 2008 @ 11:18 am
47
#45 blazin — I think Necktucky alumni Jared Lorenzen already holds that distinction.
Comment by Albino Tornado — May 2, 2008 @ 11:39 am
48
Free at last, free at last. Thank The Hat I’m free at last.
I heard that door slamming and thought it was a VBIED.
Comment by Southern Papa — May 2, 2008 @ 1:06 pm
49
Just gone or is he gone, gone, gone?
Until I see his MNC ring up on eBay, I can’t be sure.
Comment by Brian O'Blivion — May 2, 2008 @ 2:15 pm
50
Get your Independence Bowl tickets now, LSU fans!
Comment by Whiny EDSBS Fan — May 2, 2008 @ 2:55 pm
51
It is like the mob- they always go down for mail fraud….or weed.
Comment by meg — May 2, 2008 @ 3:11 pm
52
I am glad that Les set such a good example by booting probably his most important player (hardest to replace right now atleast). Kudos to him. Winning is not the most important thing.
Comment by T-Bird — May 2, 2008 @ 3:25 pm
53
#46 It would not surprise me either, to see RP playing for LSU this fall.
Comment by M — May 2, 2008 @ 5:09 pm
54
Oh Boy, multiple comments:
Dave K. @ 42 - Me too. I at least wanted to get a #11 jersey to replace the one American Airlines lost a few years back. But then again, I did tell Peter Bean on the show two weeks ago that I thought RP would be gone before the season started.
sb @ 46 - I’ll take that bet. I’ll bet $100 to the EDSBS Bowl Sponsor Fund that he doesn’t start for LSU this year. If he does, I’ll have the pennies all nicely rolled up to give to Orson.
Whiny EDSBS Fan @ 50 - That’s exactly the bowl they are likely headed to (either it or the Papa John’s.com Bowl, the new entry for the conference). With RP, they could have contended for the Cap One, Gator, or Cotton.
Comment by Studley — May 2, 2008 @ 6:13 pm
55
Oops, missed one:
T-Bird @ 52 - Les Miles did the right thing. He tried to be patient as much as he could, but he couldn’t sacrifice the overall principle of the team any further. With the ink drying on the revised contract and the bonus money in the bank, he knew he could make another bold move, even if this one costs the team in the short term.
Comment by Studley — May 2, 2008 @ 6:23 pm
56
Qunicy Carter was on Ecstasy and weed.
Perrilloux is going to Alabama.
Comment by Big Tex — May 3, 2008 @ 4:03 am