THE EDSBS BOWL: LET'S RIDE
by Orson on May 1, 2008 4:46 PM EDT
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PrintSt. Petersburg has a new bowl game, and we have one number for you, people: $350,000. Yes, all it takes to turn the as-yet-unnamed St. Pete Bowl into the EDSBS Bowl is a measly $350,000 in any currency. Imagine the splendor:
Flyby done by: A low-flying dirigible. Extra spice will be added when hundreds of turkeys are pushed from the blimp onto the stands.
Alternative flyby: Fat bikers in hang gliders holding sparklers. Did we mention they were naked and drunk, too?
Sponsors would include: Zybrowka Vodka, RoboTussin PM (for nightlife!), Cocaine Cowboys, the official bloodcokeumentary of EDSBS, Mercenaries 2, Burning Angel, and Chik-Fil-A. Goddamn, Chik-Fil-A is good. (Get it? Get it?)
Game announcers: Play-by-play: Ron Franklin, but only if we get to shoot him up with ketamine first. Color commentary: CNN commentator Richard Quest, fresh out of rehab with the volume turned up. Sideline reporter: Stephen Hawking.
Halftime entertainment: Tampa Bay's own Morbid Angel.
For children, an alternate show will be provided outside with the Veggie Tales and special guest Deicide.
Goodie bag will include: one can of Busch Light, one tube bronzer, one pair old man blast goggle sunglasses, a scoop of ropa vieja ladled on top of everything.
All for just $350K, reader. If wishes were horses, people, we'd be running our own glue factory at this point. Let's make this horse a winner. If everyone who reads this blog just sends in one dollar, we'll have enough to make me only ask for a dollar TEN TIMES EACH. If Paultards can raise eight zillion dollars and get their own blimp, we can make this dream a horrifying, weeping reality.
(Actually, the Ron Paul Bowl would be uproariously funny, especially because the field wouldn't have lines.)
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YAY! We TOTALLY are going. Home sweet home, baby!
by The Conscience of a Nation on May 1, 2008 4:57 PM EDT reply actions
where do I send my 10 dollars? If it gets me a sweet sponsor seat, I will be there.
by meg on May 1, 2008 4:58 PM EDT reply actions
Couldn’t we name it the Buzz Bissinger Blog Bowl?
by DC Trojan on May 1, 2008 5:01 PM EDT reply actions
Absolutely brilliant. Can we get Six Feet Under and Iced Earth on the pregame bill?
by SAWB on May 1, 2008 5:01 PM EDT reply actions
I think this should be the official fly over for the bowl game.
by haybeav on May 1, 2008 5:06 PM EDT reply actions
Think you could get tOSU band to play a rousing rendition of “Dixie”? Script SEC?
They will more than likely be one of the participants!
by hunglikehussain on May 1, 2008 5:06 PM EDT reply actions
If we all kick in $20? How many EDSBS readers, Orson? Would that do it?
’Talk about pissing off the guy on the Costas show…the blogsphere has credibility. One of the biggest college football blogs just sponsored a bowl game! One of, what, 200 bowl games now?
by blon57 on May 1, 2008 5:07 PM EDT reply actions
Good. This should uphold the sanctity of bowl games.
by Sad State of Affairs on May 1, 2008 5:07 PM EDT reply actions
The flybys will be televised. You know, since this is in a dome and all. They could put it at Al Lang, but sporting events there disturb the old people who moved to St. Pete to look at art and die.
by mlmintampa on May 1, 2008 5:09 PM EDT reply actions
- @ blon57
-It’s one more bowl game than the Washington Post, New York Times, and the LA Times have sponsored.
Orson, imagine if the St. Pete Times got in on the bowl. Talk about classy.
by That 5.0 Guy on May 1, 2008 5:09 PM EDT reply actions
The EDSBS Bowl featuring the North and South Fulmer Cup All-Star teams (North and South, instead of East v West, because we should revive civil war era hatered whenever possible).
Instead of normal college skills competitions, you could have the following: snorting blow competition; ho slapping competition; firearms competition; bong clearing competition, etc.
It very well could be the greatest Bowl Game evaaa.
by socalbryan on May 1, 2008 5:11 PM EDT reply actions
yes. i realize i spelled hatred wrong. my bad. Orson needs to include some sort of spell check feature here.
by socalbryan on May 1, 2008 5:14 PM EDT reply actions
Why not set up EDSBS Bowl LLC?
Then people can purchase however many $10 interests they want – distribute the sponsorship perks (seats in the boxes, etc) based on ownership percentages.
I’m sure you could get one of the lawyers on here to set that up….
by Crazy Joe on May 1, 2008 5:23 PM EDT reply actions
I’m thinking a 10% discount to those fans dressed in Roman garb. Those dressed in Hebrew attire will get a “special” halftime show field pass.
Don’t forget about having a Queen. Gotta have a Queen.
I’m thinking along the lines of a “Texas Death Match” ring, with the last one standing, gets the crown
by hunglikehussain on May 1, 2008 5:26 PM EDT reply actions
So will the next edition of EDSBS Live! be like PBS during pledge season? And which would you prefer as sponsors: Early Times or Kentucky Tavern (both so good, you only dare speak their initials)? Because I can make some calls.
by jakldawg on May 1, 2008 5:28 PM EDT reply actions
Ok, I’ll kick in 1k if Leningrad Cowboys are the halftime show…and the good seats, of course. Also, Keith Jackson on the PA
by Pick6Bamr on May 1, 2008 5:28 PM EDT reply actions
The Levis Jorts Bowl?
Will the center logo be Mayra Veronica?
#13, found the winner of the firearms competition:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvv-PI9dwjY
by MCab on May 1, 2008 5:29 PM EDT reply actions
Sign Hey Jenny Slater GmbH up for a scoreboard logo and a skybox.
by Doug on May 1, 2008 5:31 PM EDT reply actions
If you set up a legit fund (verified by the legion of group fivers around here), I’m good for at least $20. If the Firefox community can raise enough money to take out ads in the NY Times, than why not this?
Heck, call it the Blog Bowl and get more sites and communities on board. Have a different site plugged each before an after commercial break.
Just imagine how awkward it’d be for the ESPN crew, especially since you know that, it being held in Florida and all, Lee Corso will be on the crew for that game.
by Dave on May 1, 2008 5:33 PM EDT reply actions
The Nick Saban doesn’t have Time for this Shit Bowl.
by NewAZTiger on May 1, 2008 5:38 PM EDT reply actions
We could always just purchase a short commercial at the BCS national championship game for just a few 100,000 more!
by TideDruid on May 1, 2008 5:39 PM EDT reply actions
350K? Ryan Perrilioux can knock that out over the weekend.
Let him be a Grand Marshal or something.
O, think outside the box here!
by hunglikehussain on May 1, 2008 5:57 PM EDT reply actions
So here’s my suggestion: The Wiki-Bowl…apparently Wikimedia, the group that runs all the wiki sights, is run out of St. Petersburg. On top of this, naming the bowl this would allow for some really great opportunities as far as the game goes…Just think, any fan could contribute to the bowl’s parameters, as long as they had 2 or 3 legitimate-“Seeming” sources to back them up..think of the possibilities: players getting kicked out of the game for committing penalties because some hippie old guy referenced a french “soccer” manual
by Garrett on May 1, 2008 6:14 PM EDT reply actions
I’d pitch in at least $20 to see this happen…
How soon do you have to have the money raised?
by PeterPumpkinhead on May 1, 2008 6:16 PM EDT reply actions
Of course you have to get the local St. Pete community involved.
Let’s say…a Bea Arthur/Wilfred Brimley look-a-like contest.
by hunglikehussain on May 1, 2008 6:20 PM EDT reply actions
You know Orson, I totally would give you the money for a bowl game. Just not for one being played in the shitactular Tropicana Field
by John on May 1, 2008 6:22 PM EDT reply actions
BTW, I clicked on the “Britney Nipple Slip” ad 5×. How much is that worth?
by hunglikehussain on May 1, 2008 6:23 PM EDT reply actions
I didn’t catch the CNN “Dick” Quest reference the first time. Then I remembered. Sometimes humor just writes itself.
by hunglikehussain on May 1, 2008 6:31 PM EDT reply actions
Surely WordPress and Mountain Dew would pitch in sponsorship dollars, as the blogger’s best friends?
by Rich on May 1, 2008 6:49 PM EDT reply actions
Half-time show by Mons Venus! www.monsvenus.com
A Tampa classic.
by baconboy on May 1, 2008 6:51 PM EDT reply actions
I’m in for $100 and could be talked into a bunch more…
by Martha on May 1, 2008 6:52 PM EDT reply actions
With God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.
by Xaryn on May 1, 2008 7:07 PM EDT reply actions
somewhere, somehow we need the involvement of some sort of gambling entity. a casino, a website, a local tampa bookie, whatever.
by gerry dorsey on May 1, 2008 7:23 PM EDT reply actions
FUCKIN’ A!!!! MORBID ANGEL! Back when I was in college at The Capstone, saw these monsters play in Ensely (bring your Tecs and wear a jacket), and DAMNED it was brutal. There was a chick who was a huuuuuuge fan, dressed as a nun, and she moshed around the floor, tearing her clothes, rending her flesh, and having equally demonic chicks lick the blood from her self-inflicted wounds. To no one’s suprise, Trey Azagoth took her for a lil spin in the coffin later that night ;)
by Der Schatten on May 1, 2008 7:27 PM EDT reply actions
I will absolutely start at 100, and like others could be talked into more. I think it would be good for so many people, on so many levels.
by Tomaso on May 1, 2008 7:30 PM EDT reply actions
@35
Sounds like an acceptable candidate for the “Queens” court.
Working as a team we can make this happen!
by hunglikehussain on May 1, 2008 7:32 PM EDT reply actions
O, O, O,
While Morbid Angel clearly is the shit, and Deicide is decidedly the most brutal shit on the planet (excepting mid-90’s Carcass or Cannibal Corpse, and present day Dying Fetus), how could you forget to add the undercard of Obituary and Malevolent Creation? Maybe Burns and the guys from Morrisound as MC’s?
by Der Schatten on May 1, 2008 7:32 PM EDT reply actions
This has to happen. Count me in for $20. If we can’t name the bowl after him as DC suggested, could we maybe find a way to make Buzz Bissinger grand marshall?
by Dr. William S. McPimpslap, M.D. on May 1, 2008 7:49 PM EDT reply actions
#6: I think this should be the official fly over for the bowl game.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9g4axEXZdI&feature=related
Comment by haybeav
Haybeav…I concur…Fogelsong could use the job!
I’ll pitch in $50 for LSUFreek to do the pregame graphics for the telecast.
by the croominator on May 1, 2008 7:52 PM EDT reply actions
Just a comment regarding we #5’s.
Shit, let’s do this. I mean there are plenty of.6’s just begging to be had to make this happen: You know exactly what I’m talking about, the good ole “file reviews” (masturbating in closed office or finger-banging paralegals) and “consultation RE: Client X” (intruding thoughts of how much you hate a cocksucker when you’re sitting at home, desultorily drinking alone…like NOW!).
by Der Schatten on May 1, 2008 7:54 PM EDT reply actions
My God in heaven, this would be the greatest thing ever. I can’t speak for the rest of the board but I am entirely serious in saying I would give up $20 dollars to see this happen. Someone write up a contract and file LLC papers.
/(group 5)
by Gary Moeller did what?! on May 1, 2008 7:59 PM EDT reply actions
Der @ #40…“finger fucking paralegals” can cause unbelieveble difficulties unless they initiate the action…to be able to defend your FF of P you better be able to state without equivocation that she grabbed your love tool with salacious intent prior to any act on your part. Saw this defense work wonderfully (she had told another P she was gonna do it) but still didn’t save the associate’s marriage…the wife didn’t appreciate the fact that the lawya 1) allowed the abuse of tool, and 2) reciprocated with the digital penetration of the P’s (no pun intended) corresponding orifice…a valid point.
That said, I’m in for $20 to see the EDSBS Bowl become a reality.
by sb on May 1, 2008 8:27 PM EDT reply actions
I’m in for an Andrew Jackson, an Abe Lincoln (not the sexual move) and 37 cocktails.
by PSUrob on May 1, 2008 8:44 PM EDT reply actions
On a side note, it would be interesting to see EDSBS endorse a presidential candidate. Clearly there are some strong political feelings from the staff… or maybe they are just not good at making fun of politicians.
by EffinDane on May 1, 2008 8:57 PM EDT reply actions
interesting to see EDSBS endorse a presidential candidate.
“Interesting” like a perfectly preserved dead bird on the sidewalk, and not in a good way.
Politics | Football <——- DANGER DO NOT MIX
by Holly on May 1, 2008 9:16 PM EDT reply actions
I’m definitely in for at least $20, if not more.
by blon57 on May 1, 2008 10:03 PM EDT reply actions
@47
Thank you, Holly. Let us not destroy the Kumbaya spirit by bringing in worldly concerns.
by hunglikehussain on May 1, 2008 10:05 PM EDT reply actions
captain awesome has a student loan refund coming his way soon…count it!
by Captain Awesome on May 1, 2008 10:33 PM EDT reply actions
Damn, y’all. I’m in for some cheddar. We could probably even trick the fine elderly peoples of Sarasota and Port Charlotte into emptying their purses if we can somehow turn this into a fear-mongering life insurance scam!
by HooShotYa on May 1, 2008 11:09 PM EDT reply actions
I’m in for $20 bucks. If you get the Paypal rolling, maybe more.
Let’s get this bitch on wheels and stick it in the face of the WWL.
by Cock D on May 1, 2008 11:25 PM EDT reply actions
Get the Allman Brothers Band for halftime and I’ll kick down $100.
by Allahver Fist on May 1, 2008 11:39 PM EDT reply actions
@53 -
You mean something like the St. Pete Bowl sponsored by Old Glory Robot Insurance:
by SAWB on May 1, 2008 11:40 PM EDT reply actions
I’m in for $20 – and I will make it $40 if Holly is tapped as “Supreme Bowl Empress” with the right to give thumbs up or down to any bowl contestant thus decreeing the winner
by Futbawl Fan on May 2, 2008 9:12 AM EDT reply actions
As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.
by Arthur Carlson, WKRP on May 2, 2008 9:15 AM EDT reply actions
But you know Buzz would go absolutely ape shit if this happened….. DO IT.
by Jack on May 2, 2008 9:28 AM EDT reply actions
I’m just waiting for the PayPal thingy to show up in the sidebar…
by AllWhoYonder on May 2, 2008 9:29 AM EDT reply actions
I’m in for a C note if Benny Lava plays between touchdowns and kickoffs. You know Cheesecake will need to be served in the supporters booths, right? I’ll triple my pledge if you get Keith Jackson and Samuel L. Jackson miked up.
by Out of Conference on May 2, 2008 9:34 AM EDT reply actions
mic’ed will also work in place of miked
by Out of Conference on May 2, 2008 9:36 AM EDT reply actions
Stop dissin’ Ron Paul on records, ya’ll. Leave the rEVOLution out of this.
by MCab on May 2, 2008 9:59 AM EDT reply actions
If it’s going to be a Blog Bowl, don’t we have to play it in Mom’s basement?
And here’e a second for Benny Lava as entertainment.
by Mr. Wrong on May 2, 2008 10:11 AM EDT reply actions
All fans wearing a Wannstache will receive average seats!
by Jester on May 2, 2008 10:22 AM EDT reply actions
I had some money set aside for a hooker and some blow this weekend. (Mrs. Gamecock is out of town.
Count me in for a few hundred.
by GamecockTony on May 2, 2008 10:24 AM EDT reply actions
Between the strong odds that Rutgers will wind up playing in this game, and that I don’t have anything better to do with my stimulus check, I’m good for $50.
Make it $100 if you can hire some of the guys who dress up as Klingons to work field security. (Gotta get my nerd in here somehow)
by Devin McCullen on May 2, 2008 10:25 AM EDT reply actions
72 posts, avg donation is around 30 bucks – not going to cut it. Think, think think… need a way to make more cash.
by Out of Conference on May 2, 2008 10:38 AM EDT reply actions
If we let the local Scientologists hand out flyers, I’m sure they’d pony up some serious cash.
BTY, frozen turkeys don’t fly [O, you did mean frozen, didn’t you?].
I’ll go $100 if I can sit with Holly.
by Sundawg on May 2, 2008 10:52 AM EDT reply actions
OoC,
I think Sundawg just answered your question.
by GamecockTony on May 2, 2008 12:05 PM EDT reply actions
Holly – Too bad you’re not like most UT fans, then we could ALL sit by you at the game!
I’m here all week folks…
by Out of Conference on May 2, 2008 12:42 PM EDT reply actions
Not only would I be in for 20, being in Tampa, I’d gladly do some volunteer work. I’ll get the white lines from local resident Dwight Gooden, and get Nick Hogan to drive the team buses.
by Jordi Scrubbings on May 2, 2008 2:11 PM EDT reply actions
Robitussin PM?
How soon we forget…
Show some fucking respect, son.
by Kanu on May 4, 2008 12:17 AM EDT reply actions
I will make it $40 if Holly is tapped as Supreme Bowl Empress with the right to give thumbs up or down to any bowl contestant thus decreeing the winner
I fully support this plan, but only if we can get (fuck?) lions to do the dirty work.
by Holly on May 4, 2008 12:23 AM EDT reply actions
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