MUSTACHE WEDNESDAY: THAT GUY

by Orson on Apr 30, 2008 4:15 PM EDT

We don't know who that guy is, but he peed on the sliding glass door at our party, and we had to kick him out. He drank the last Pearl Beer out of the fridge and then tried to stick his hand down your girlfriend's pants. He just got out, but not of the army, if you know what I mean. He told those guys at Lowe's they could keep their fucking job, dude. He went to the Bullet Boys concert and it was awesome, especially the part where he got a blowjob in a port-o-let. His credit sucks. He wants you to co-sign a car loan, and you know he's good for it because you bought weed from him and he gave you the dankest of the dank in return.

He's that guy, and he wishes you a happy Mustache Wednesday, motherfuckers!

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I think “That Guy” lives in the apartment above me. You know, the guy who drops heavy objects every 5 minutes at 2:00 in the morning.

by TideDruid on Apr 30, 2008 4:18 PM EDT reply actions

Thank you very much-o.

by Cock D on Apr 30, 2008 4:25 PM EDT reply actions

OMG, How did that mirror get put on my monitor!

by hunglikehussain on Apr 30, 2008 4:29 PM EDT reply actions

That guy has a great idea to make money on reselling old car batteries he stole from a mechanic and threw in the back of his camaro.

by AllWhoYonder on Apr 30, 2008 4:36 PM EDT reply actions

That guy is the personification of “sketchy”

by spartanmike on Apr 30, 2008 4:45 PM EDT reply actions

But did he ever buy those Aerosmith tickets?

by Bunkie Perkins on Apr 30, 2008 4:49 PM EDT reply actions

I think that’s my wife’s ex-husband, he set the bar pretty high, if you know what I mean…

by plastic paddy on Apr 30, 2008 4:53 PM EDT reply actions

7 – He has a bigger penis than you?

by Sad State of Affairs on Apr 30, 2008 4:56 PM EDT reply actions

Coach woulda put me in fourth quarter, we would’ve been state champions. No doubt. No doubt in my mind.

by Out of Conference on Apr 30, 2008 5:01 PM EDT reply actions

Dad?

by Jim on Apr 30, 2008 5:30 PM EDT reply actions

Prett sure he played for Ohio State back in… last week.

by intellidouche on Apr 30, 2008 5:49 PM EDT reply actions

Prett=Pretty

by intellidouche on Apr 30, 2008 5:49 PM EDT reply actions

That guy is my spiritual mentor and advisor. He spilled bong water on my futon.

by I'm a man, I'm forty on Apr 30, 2008 6:17 PM EDT reply actions

[BEFORE PHOTO]

“Don’t dance on Sunday nights. Whose ’Vette is that parked out in the driveway?”

“Dirk’s…I’m so jealous!”

“Shit is jammin’. Start down low with a 350 cube, three and a quarter horsepower, 4-speed, 4:10 gears, ten coats of competition orange, hand-rubbed lacquer with a huplane manifold…full fuckin’ race cams. Whoa!”

[AFTER PHOTO]

“Shut up Dirk. I told you I got a plan. I got a very good plan.”

by Cock of Ages on Apr 30, 2008 6:48 PM EDT reply actions

Hey, I was at that Bullet Boys concert. It was the shit.

by DoubleDawg05 on Apr 30, 2008 8:14 PM EDT reply actions

That guy is attempting to give out mustache rides at a middle school right now

by SpookyJuice on May 1, 2008 4:39 AM EDT reply actions

Seriously, that guy is my white “uncle”. Every black family has one. He went to Funkadelic concerts to score black chicks. He drives a 1972 Plymouth Duster with a high revving 340 and he’s stacked the springs in the back so that the end is lifted ten feet in the air. I last saw that guy in 1976.

by Lawrence Ross on May 1, 2008 4:44 AM EDT reply actions