Part two of “What Bloggers Do” is over at the SB with Mottram and Shanoff kicking in, as well. Tipsters, ripsters, and zipsters: it’s the new tripartite catchphrase.
Remember one thing. If we learned anything from all of this, it is that angry words only hurt. Angry dancing, though, heals us all.
Shantih to you all.
We don’t know who that guy is, but he peed on the sliding glass door at our party, and we had to kick him out. He drank the last Pearl Beer out of the fridge and then tried to stick his hand down your girlfriend’s pants. He just got out, but not of the army, if you know what I mean. He told those guys at Lowe’s they could keep their fucking job, dude. He went to the Bullet Boys concert and it was awesome, especially the part where he got a blowjob in a port-o-let. His credit sucks. He wants you to co-sign a car loan, and you know he’s good for it because you bought weed from him and he gave you the dankest of the dank in return.
He’s that guy, and he wishes you a happy Mustache Wednesday, motherfuckers!
Nick Saban: Hey, Urb.
Urban Meyer: Yeah, Nick.
Nick: Hungry?
Urban: For victory.
(They laugh heartily and give each other the hand-to-elbow Beastmaster gladiator handshake.)
Nick: No, really. Want a snack?
Urban: Sure, Nick. That’s nice of you.
Nick: No problem. Just check in that basket down there.
Urban: Okay, whatcha got in there—
Colt, you think you lost money? Au contraire. You calculate your loss as $1,378,500 over three years, amounting to a little under 500K a year to live in Hawaii–and you still got signed to the NFL afterwards. That. Is. Nothing.
Oh, poor you, Colt.
I read the stories: you learned Samoan, did funky shit with your hair. (more…)
Ever heard of Jeremiah Wright? He’s the Muslim preacher who taught Obama about raising the capital gains tax to 75% in order to fund gay weddings and DESTROY THIS COUNTRY. He hates America, too.
He has many stupid things to say, and this includes interesting facts about marching bands, too! Watch his insightful take on marching bands as excerpted by the Colbert Report. White ones do it like this NAH DINK NAH DINK NAH! Black ones be like this OOM CHA CHA BOOM CHA CHA BOOM!
Never mind that FAMU’s every bit as precise as a major standard “European” style marching band, and that their practice sessions are less band rehearsals than football drills. They’re black, so they don’t worry about your whiteass precision. Because this all looks so, so sloppily done: (more…)
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The obstruction shall not be televised. Today’s the last chance to change anything with the BCS in their meetings in Florida today, and no one will, even though Mike Slive will propose the plus-one scenario today. It’s not that Jim Delany is the only one opposing change: he’s just enough of a public asshole to enjoy rubbing it in the faces of anyone caring to watch. In an insightful and impressive display of arrogance during Tuesday’s BCS meetings, Delany left little doubt who’s the pit bull and who’s the Chihuahua when it comes to the college football postseason.
Never mind. We don’t need a playoff, actually, because we already have a champion with two losses under the current design. (Ducks thrown iron kettle filled with jambalaya.) Speaking of thrown objects……the Orgeron’s departure left Ole Miss coaches looking for work, including Art Kehoe, whose longest jobless stint prior to this was two hours out of 26 years. Welcome to the job. Washington State gets done et by the penalties of a low APR. Paul Wulff, welcome to the wonderful world of big league nanny-coaching! The Army’s okay with Caleb Campbell leaving to play in the NFL, and has made allowances for him by having him work as a recruiter in the off-season, among other duties. Campbell’s not deserting his post, but we do wonder if the Army has equal tolerance for someone who, for example, pulls down a sweet job as a patent attorney just after they complete their training. Petty theft, dismissed. On Preston Parker of FSU, who still faces a serious gun charge. Taking bets on what the $9.99 DVD was: our money’s on Silkwood. |
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Buzz Bissinger just ripped on bloggers, including Will Leitch, who had to sit there and take it because, once angered, no amount of reason would get through to the guy who wrote Friday Night Lights.
Bissinger has no idea what blogs are about, though he may claim to. So in short, for the record, we thought we might state for the record a.) who a blogger might be, and b.) what blogging does. Ready? We’ll keep this short.(For an epic poem or Supreme Court ruling–ed.)
A. Who a Blogger Might Be, or in this case, me.
My desk: taste the glamour.
DURR-HURR! GUY WHO LIVES IN MOM’S BASEMENT DURR!!! Untrue. We know of only one one blogger who lives in Mom’s basement, and that makes him just like Mike Lupica, doesn’t it? (Mom! Meatloaf and the Mets game on in five! MOM!) The bloggers we know best do the following;
1. Will Leitch. Full-time writer. Lots of people read him. Not mom’s basement on the address.
2. Matt Ufford. Ditto, and ditto. Has roommates, I think, but still. Oh, and COMMANDED A FUCKING TANK UNIT IN IRAQ. Buzz Bissinger went to Phillips Academy, a very dangerous place in its own right. They ride English saddles there! There’s not even a horn on it for stability!
3. Big Daddy Drew. Likewise, successful before becoming a sports blogger, and would be even if the medium didn’t come around.
4. The guys from Fire Joe Morgan. No idea what these men do, because they cover American Cricket, and I therefore don’t obsess enough about them to follow up. Fortunately, neither do mainstream journos, none of whom have inquired into blogger’s backgrounds before accusing them of living in Mom’s basement. I assume, judging from the brawny machinations of their writing, that they could presumably do other jobs quite successfully without going on the maternal dole.
5. Lawyers. Most post under pseudonyms, but these people make up the rank and file of the blogging world. Why? Because they are bored to tears by their jobs despite being creative, articulate, argumentative, and passionate people. Give a dam an outlet, and it’ll crack mountains into silt. That’s what lawyers are to the blogosphere. None of them live with their mothers, and many make more than the sportswriters who accuse them of living–yes–with Mom.
6. Me. Yep, I’ll go there. (more…)
Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
Comments? Questions? Long strings of profanities directed at something we said? Please send your comments to harumphharumph -a- yahoo -dot- com. Please direct all tailgating photos and stories to edsbsfans -a- gmail -dot- com.
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