FULMER CUP: UCONN, IOWA GET THEIR POINTS ON
by Orson on Apr 29, 2008 12:56 PM EDT
9 comments
Connecticut is extremely precise with their degrees of badness in the criminal code. Blame that on having daffy Yale law so close by--how else does one get "sixth-degree larceny," a crime that seems just a hair off from "accepting a gift in an awkward fashion?" Whatever the hell "sixth-degree larceny" is, Connecticut cornerback Joshua Massey caught a case of it for taking exactly $31.34 worth of goods from the UConn co-op. We're betting it was blades for his nine-bladed razor, the Gillette Agent Orange ("Deforesting Your Face Nine Lethal Goddamn Blades at a Time.")
The Gillette Agent Orange: It's Like Deforestation For Your Face.
One point for UConn, whose measly total doesn't bring them close to the big board.
Perpetually fun Iowa tacks on a point for underage possession, and we don't mean the Roger Clemens type of underage possession. Defensive tackle Cody Hundertmark broke through the guard of local criminal code and got his hands on some booze, but was charged with holding and fined with fifteen yards and an underage charge. One point for Iowa, though the good news is that they did not lose a player in the incident.
And finally...100 parking tickets for Sam Baker during his time at USC. As someone who parked their car everywhere on the Florida campus, up to and including a primo spot in the aisle of the Latin American History section of Library West, and kept himself warm on cold winter nights by burning piles of parking tickets, we only have this word: hero.
0 recs |
9 comments
Email
Print
Comments
Careful what you say about Yale, man. I hear they run the secret world government up there.
If Orson disappears in the next 24 hours, we’ll all know why. I’m in hiding already for mentioning it.
by Dave on Apr 29, 2008 1:26 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Sabal palm and ficus? Orson, is this your back yard in Florida?
by Sundawg on Apr 29, 2008 1:31 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
the first rule of collecting parking ticket on campus: use your roomate’s car.
by kleph on Apr 29, 2008 1:55 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
I got something like 20-30ish tickets in college.
Fortunately I worked for the nerd herd on campus and if they cops wanted their stuff fixed they had to go bye-bye.
by ThreenOut on Apr 29, 2008 2:05 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
And the second half is now underway…which teams have made the right adjustments to capture this coveted championship?
by Crabapple Buck on Apr 29, 2008 2:06 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
More expensive — the Bush family’s house, or 100 parking tickets/towings/bootings on Sam Baker’s car?
by Billy in Baton Rouge on Apr 29, 2008 2:07 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
“Here’s my sub woofers, maybe in the future I can up grade them.”
yep…I think ole Sammy Baker can sure up grade those sub whoofers now.
by shovel pass on Apr 29, 2008 2:23 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Orson,
Don’t be afraid of the secret Yale underworld. I pissed the wall of Skull & Bones on St. Patty’s Day and I’m still here…
BTW…. did PSU get points taken off its Fulmer Cup standings when rape charges were dropped against Austin Scott?
by aventius on Apr 29, 2008 2:29 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Comments For This Post Are Closed
Secondary Sidebar
FanPosts
Community blog posts and discussion.
Certain photos copyright © 2010 by Associated Press or Getty Images. Any commercial use or distribution without the express written consent of Associated Press and Getty Images is strictly prohibited.
