“Mama, that’s a baaaaaad place down there.” Mike Oher’s estimate of Baton Rouge stands, as most of the football populace believes LSU recruiting visits look a lot like a cross between the Roman Senators wives’ orgy scene from Caligula as staged in the refugee camp from Children of Men. (Someone’s getting hit in the face with a car battery. It’s just gonna happen.)

And once at LSU, the life of a football player doesn’t really decline in debauchery or quality thereof, we guess. This is the place where, after all, we had this exact conversation with at least three people:

Q: Hey, what happened to Justin Vincent? He was monstrous his freshman year.

A: He majored in fucking fat white chicks, man. That’s what happened.

It should not be a surprise, however, that even the overtaxed minds who follow the NFL should pick up on the possibility of genital overuse in BR damaging your prospects in the draft. From Peter King’s NFL Draft recap:

Calais Campbell (50) was taken to reproduce the pass-rush flash of Calvin Pace, and Early Doucet (81) lasted waaaaay too long after a starry career but groin-ravaged senior year at LSU.


Groin: ravaged.

We should all be so lucky as to have a groin-ravaged senior year. Doucet, injured: cause, Cajun girl in reverse cowgirl hopped up on whiskey sours. Status: probable, but happy nevertheless. This isn’t a description of an injury: it’s a recruiting pitch.

(HT: Dave.)