FULMER CUPDATE: STATIC AS SHE GOES
by Orson on Apr 28, 2008 1:50 PM EDT
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PrintThis week's update brought to you Brian, who as ever is hung like Reggie F'n Nelson. Clarifications, whining, and other bloggy-type questions await.
A slow week on the big board overall, presumably thanks to end-of-semester hecticness and a lack of spring-break style foolishness going on around the college world. We'd like to think this commanding lead in the Fulmer Cup standings means Missouri finally gets one shining moment all to itself. Unfortunately for them, Kansas fans have documented a number of shining moments in the history of Missouri athletics.
(HT: PeteJayhawk.)
If someone's interested in putting this together for Florida State, we'd be thrilled kthxok?
We're past the halfway point, meaning there's good news: you're more than halfway to next college football season. We'll wait for you.
Okay, now that you've kicked the front out of your desk in excitement, deep breaths. We still have a long summer to go, meaning we'll give odds on upcoming crimes we'll undoubtedly see over the next four months in the Cup.
30/1: Arson. A coveted charge for the collector, and usually one started not in a pyromaniacal way, either, but rather with fireworks, alcohol, and a moment of weakness when you let the Imp of the Perverse grab the wheel and steer. Leading suspect: Auburn. Middle of nowhere, drought conditions, and plenty of nuke-powerful fireworks to be had. When you see the smoke and a pickup truck fleeing a burning forest, you'll know what happened.
17/1: Counterfeiting. As long as Ryan Perrilloux is in this cup, this bet stays on the board. Leading prospect: LSU. Because it's Louisiana. More said would be wasted words.
6/1: FnDC. The classic, and one we haven't seen much of as yet. Fightin' 'n Da Club is a summer hit just waiting to happen, and when it does, the points rack up fast and furious. Leading suspects: Miami or Florida. If Miami gets involved in a fight in public, they will win nine games this season. If not, they win five.
3/1: DUI. The trusty CD in Fulmer Cup investments. Leading suspects: Tennessee. If the Vols claw their way back into the race, it will come by falling out of a car in full sight of a dashboard camera. We blame the state: we've never lived in a place where DUI was more commonly accepted as something that "just happened" when you were young, much like acne or wearing a regrettable button-down patterned shirt.
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FnDC is predictable, yet colorful and slightly entertaining, much like another summer spectacle: a movie directed by Michael Bay.
by Brian on Apr 28, 2008 1:59 PM EDT reply actions
Halftime!!!! Shouldn’t you be interviewing Gary Pinkel on his way to the Fulmer Cup lockerroom so we can find out how he plans to increase his lead?
by Crabapple Buck on Apr 28, 2008 2:00 PM EDT reply actions
Missouri matters enough to somebody to do a video about?
Who knew?
by JTG on Apr 28, 2008 2:00 PM EDT reply actions
why is there a star by Illinois?- pulling for Ron Z?
by mp on Apr 28, 2008 2:21 PM EDT reply actions
Summer (in both weather and class schedule senses) just started in the South. Give them time.
Also, I think South Carolina is about due for some FNdC or some simple (yet fun!) possession charges.
by robert on Apr 28, 2008 2:22 PM EDT reply actions
3/1 on DUI? that’s easy money. Summer session is always good for a few of those
by AllWhoYonder on Apr 28, 2008 2:28 PM EDT reply actions
#5,
Fireworks are legal in the Palmetto state, giving USCe a good chance at arson as well.
With regards to patterned shirts, I hope plaid isn’t on the regrettable list. Most of greek row (yes, myself included) wouldn’t know what else to wear with brown Doc Martens, carpenter jeans, and a filthy and slightly frayed white hat circa 1998ish.
by Big Jon on Apr 28, 2008 3:08 PM EDT reply actions
Nebraska has a similar attitude towards DUI’s, with the added addendum that it is not merely accepted youthful debauchery, but often expected. Plus, it’s pretty acceptable for adults, to. In fact, it’s generally looked at as barely worse than a speeding ticket. This is what happens when you live in a state with no discernible public transportation options to speak of.
by Carlinthemarlin on Apr 28, 2008 3:12 PM EDT reply actions
- I fully expect Finals Week and the 2 following to have a combined 20+ FC points or it will be a disappointment.
by ThreenOut on Apr 28, 2008 3:19 PM EDT reply actions
You guys are slacking…Iowa’s got a charge for drankin.
by Brian O'Blivion on Apr 28, 2008 3:32 PM EDT reply actions
There’s also this rape charge (sexual assault sounds so much nicer) for Boston College. Not sure if that one was counted already.
by Brian O'Blivion on Apr 28, 2008 3:35 PM EDT reply actions
Isn’t that funny? One year since Fat Matt’s introduction to Redneck Mardi Gras is half-way home to foobaw!
by UgasTexan on Apr 28, 2008 3:41 PM EDT reply actions
Old n’ Busted: Fightin ‘n Da Club
New Hotness: Makin’ Love ’n Dis Club (HEY!) ’n Dis Club (HEY!)….
by Grimey on Apr 28, 2008 3:58 PM EDT reply actions
It’s 2 to 1 odds that somebody will get picked up for “bitch slappin’ a ho!”
by Mark D on Apr 28, 2008 4:04 PM EDT reply actions
Re: # 14:
It was unclear whether alcohol was a factor in the altercation.
Translation: Alcohol was definately a factor in the altercation, isn’t it always?
by skinnyphatman on Apr 28, 2008 4:13 PM EDT reply actions
How about a disenfranchised formerly-scholarshipped castoff from Tuscaloosa?
by NativeSon on Apr 28, 2008 4:45 PM EDT reply actions
Missouri’s Fulmer Cup dominance actually made the local news here in Lawrence…
by Danny on Apr 28, 2008 5:14 PM EDT reply actions
It’s not bonus point charges for sexual assault without it being caught on video phone by your teammates.
by Out of Conference on Apr 28, 2008 5:14 PM EDT reply actions
As a native missourian and one time Mizzou fan, those clips from the Nebraska Tipped Bal Game, The 5th down CU game, and the UCLA B-Ball game hit me in the gut.
I don’t care for Mizzou that much anymore since I went to Alabama, but even so, that video was tough to watch.
by haybeav on Apr 28, 2008 5:15 PM EDT reply actions
why does Auburn get slapped with the arson rap, just because we [accidentaly] started our own gymnasium on fire during the 1996 LSU game?
by Excuse me Stewardess, but I speak jive on Apr 28, 2008 5:35 PM EDT reply actions
We blame the state: weve never lived in a place where DUI was more commonly accepted as something that just happened when you were young
Read it as a joke if you want, but it’s weirdly accurate.
by Holly on Apr 28, 2008 6:50 PM EDT reply actions
Eh, so our athletics programs have had bad luck by the shedload. We’re getting over it.
by El Hombre on Apr 28, 2008 8:52 PM EDT reply actions
If counterfeiting is any indication, then Perrilloux will be LSU’s next Heisman winner since Billy Cannon.
by alphabravo on Apr 28, 2008 9:45 PM EDT reply actions
Brian—neither is significant enough to change the big board. We are slacking, but not in that particular department.
by Orson Swindle on Apr 28, 2008 10:05 PM EDT reply actions
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