CURIOUS INDEX, 4/28/08

by Orson on Apr 28, 2008 10:53 AM EDT

Ever watch John David Booty throw a pick and say to yourself, "I bet that guy's Wonderlic score sucks." Take a donut, cavalier: you are correct. Booty got a 14, tied for lowest in the available qb scores in this year's draft. The other: Andre Woodson. Both are idiots who now, most likely, have more money than you do. Go ask them if they want to play a game of mental acuity with you. At stake? Millions of dollars!

Your retirement problem? Sol-ved, friend.

Cthulu loves UCLA. Bad for you that the many-tentacled one's love is a harsh, evil, and ultimately crushing one. Pat Cowan out for the season with asploded knee. Gutty Little Bruins only real solace may be in the Nestorwatch, and even that dish comes with a fair amount of heartburn.

They'll put up a statue of you. And then pull it down with a tank. Former Nebraska AD Steve Pederson--he who fired Frank Solich and hired Bill Callahan, the most brilliant football coach to ever give up seventy points to Kansas--wanted the Saddam treatment, just without the whole botched hanging and downed statuary part.

Pederson telling a former Husker player when success returned at NU that people will "put up a statue of me." (Pederson, now the A.D. at Pittsburgh, twice declined interview requests for this story through a spokesman.)

Pederson also instituted quarterly performance reviews, the organizational management equivalent of hourly rectal exams. In the Harry Potter books, people like this end up raped by centaurs. That's a bit too kind, in our opinion. Simple rule: if you want a statue built of yourself and cannot perform a task of great athleticism for money, you are a flaming asshole.

Thank you, life. We get this all season, starting with the summary of Arkansas' spring game.

The last time we saw Dick dominate in the air like that, it was the phallic grooveship from the "Come on Ride That Train" video.

The day you take my truck nutz you will have to pry them from my cold dead hands. The Florida Legislature, who only meet for a month a year anyway, have decided to devote time (but no precious oxygen, having no brain cells) to the issue of whether or not to ban truck nutz.

America's wang, represent please:

In a spirited debate laced with double entendre, Senate lawmakers questioned whether the state should curtail freedom of expression in vehicle accessories.

Critics of the ban included the Senate Rules Chairman, Sen. Jim King, a Jacksonville Republican whose truck sported a pair until his wife protested.

Our business plan for truck nutz underwear and speedos? Now taking investors. Get in on the ground floor while you can.

Tweet Comment 32 comments | 0 recs |

Do you like this story?

Comments

“In a spirited debate laced with double entendre, Senate lawmakers questioned whether the state should curtail freedom of expression in vehicle accessories.”

My Yosemite Sam/“Git off my ASS” Mud Flaps are still legal, right?

by GamecockTony on Apr 28, 2008 11:10 AM EDT reply actions

If you actually read the Arkansas article, it starts out with the following gem:

“While the Dick brothers probably never had 40,000 fans watching…”

by Adam on Apr 28, 2008 11:16 AM EDT reply actions

Is it a space elephant or just some asian or african one? ’cause space elephants are HUGE!

by AllWhoYonder on Apr 28, 2008 11:24 AM EDT reply actions

If you market your truck nutz speedos in realtree, then you’re on to something.

by Scalz1 on Apr 28, 2008 11:27 AM EDT reply actions

Aren’t truck nutz the automotive equivalent of jorts?

by paco on Apr 28, 2008 11:28 AM EDT reply actions

No. The jorts equal is a fragrance “tree” hanging from the rear view mirror. As Harry Dean Stanton said to Emilio Estevez in Repo Man, “Every repo has one.”

by yoyofutbawl on Apr 28, 2008 11:32 AM EDT reply actions

Gamecock Tony: I’d think that as long as Sam’s nutz aren’t dangling from the flaps, then you’ll be ok.

Look for a spike in the sale of the naked lady window stickers this week!

by Aerobab on Apr 28, 2008 11:33 AM EDT reply actions

Maybe she was a Terry Pratchett fan.

by The Conscience of a Nation on Apr 28, 2008 11:33 AM EDT reply actions

Well, the Arkansas secondary appears to be terrible again…

by Jerkwheat on Apr 28, 2008 11:42 AM EDT reply actions

Orson, if you look at last years QB’s, Chris Leak scored a 12. I guess you just overlooked that. Understandable.

by hunglikehussain on Apr 28, 2008 11:46 AM EDT reply actions

I’m okay with truck nutz, but if these guys wanted to outlaw pissing Calvins, I’d be all for it.

by DevilGrad on Apr 28, 2008 11:48 AM EDT reply actions

“the most brilliant football coach to ever give up seventy points to Kansas”

If this doesn’t go on Callahan’s tombstone when he dies, the terrorists have won.

by Carlinthemarlin on Apr 28, 2008 11:54 AM EDT reply actions

- Leak’s score isn’t really relevant to this year, since he never made the league last year. It’s not surprising though, since I knew several people who had classes with him and they said he slept through every one of them.

Modus operandi: headphones in, hood up, head against wall, dreamland. It makes it all the more ironic that he was a keynote speaker at my graduation in December ’06.

by Dave on Apr 28, 2008 12:00 PM EDT reply actions

‘Truck nutz? Useless fad! The mainstream has caught on. Hell, why not just put ’em on your roller-skates… they’z fun for the whole damn family!’
- Early

by August West on Apr 28, 2008 12:01 PM EDT reply actions

Hunglikehussain—

No, we’re familiar. See here at the 2 minute mark for all the Wonderlic-ing we ever needed.

by Orson Swindle on Apr 28, 2008 12:06 PM EDT reply actions

Check out the “hot chicks” link on the truck nutz website. I am pretty saw I saw every one of these “hot chicks” at Talladega yesterday.
http://www.trucknutz.com/girlz.asp

Gold Jerry, Gold!

by Picture Me Rollin on Apr 28, 2008 12:15 PM EDT reply actions

When Truck Nutz are outlawed, only outlaws will have Truck Nutz.

BTW, does anyone else have a NOW ad for Hillary when this entry pops up? I would be pretty upset if I were paying Google to advertize on this site-I can’t imagine this is quite her target demographic.

by Expat Ohioan on Apr 28, 2008 12:28 PM EDT reply actions

So let me get this straight. The Florida Senator had a pair until his wife removed them.

Sounds about right…….

by Sullivan on Apr 28, 2008 12:57 PM EDT reply actions

FWIW, Chris Leak’s score of “12” was on a practice exam with 15 questions. The real Wonderlic has a cool 50 mind-benders.

by DHC on Apr 28, 2008 1:03 PM EDT reply actions

Don’t forget that Arkansas, while retaining it’s Dick brothers, opted to send it’s Nutt brothers packing.

And #9…it’s Spring. Take an aspirin. Or a Midol.

by The Truth on Apr 28, 2008 1:05 PM EDT reply actions

I may be mistaken, but I think a lot of the wonderlic scores that have been posted this year were recorded at players’ junior days last year (potentially with the 15 question version?). Not sure, but I haven’t seen the official scores confirmed.

by pz on Apr 28, 2008 1:05 PM EDT reply actions

Re #19: I was going to go with “and that score translates to an 18 at the CFL exchange rate” but the damn dollar has dropped to much to make that joke work any more.

by DevilGrad on Apr 28, 2008 1:17 PM EDT reply actions

Wasn’t there a discussion a month or so ago about which state is the most redneck? Truck Nutz highlights the bo-polar nature of Florida.

I’m sure you can see them everywhere: Redneck

The legislature (ahem) is debating whether to outlaw them: Retirees, city of Miami/non-Redneck

You think they’re taking up a similar bill in Baton Rouge?

by OhioDawg on Apr 28, 2008 1:37 PM EDT reply actions

Re: Booty scoring a 14 – so you’re saying that the dynamic combination of a Louisiana Christian high school and USC might not be enough to turn someone into a Rhodes Scholar? Shocking.

Even Keith Rivers managed a 16.

by DC Trojan on Apr 28, 2008 1:48 PM EDT reply actions

@23

Virginia has a similar proposal.

http://www.autoblog.com/2008/01/16/virginia-trying-to-ban-truck-nuts/

by hunglikehussain on Apr 28, 2008 2:01 PM EDT reply actions

Gutty Little Bruins = my new favorite anything.

by Holly on Apr 28, 2008 2:02 PM EDT reply actions

Consider me uninformed… I’ve never heard of truck nutz before.

by Out of Conference on Apr 28, 2008 2:24 PM EDT reply actions

At least (self hate by an Auburn fan) he scored higher than his single digit number. Poor David Irons. It’s a good thing he’s funny. And fast.

by Stephen on Apr 28, 2008 2:32 PM EDT reply actions

What were the Bammer Player’s Wonderlics?

Oh, that’s right, it doesn’t matter if you don’t get drafted.

Nick Saban doesn’t have time for this player development shit.

by NewAZTiger on Apr 28, 2008 3:11 PM EDT reply actions

I’ve witnessed the “truck sack”, is there any question as to the size of the “truck sack” hanging being in direct proportion to the size of the tires they have on the truck? Or the size of the lift-kit?

A real man would have a huge set of truck titties!

by justanotherbuckeye on Apr 28, 2008 4:08 PM EDT reply actions

Another one of those “we don’t have the official info but this is from reliable inside sources” links? Pshahhhhhh. Until PROVEN otherwise, I will continue to believe that JD Booty spends his free time perfecting his perpetual motion machine whilst using his knowledge of quantum physics to simultaneously prove then disprove the existence of God.

by Defender90 on Apr 29, 2008 1:43 AM EDT reply actions