Everyday Should Be Saturday

April 24, 2008

WE ARE UNDER WAY, BABY: PROGRAMMING NOTES/SNACKY TIDBITS

ONE. Herr Swindle is headed to Draft Day, baby. He’ll be the one they’re not taking alive. Suggestions for fauxhawk disguises/Jets fan repellent methods in the comments, if you please.

draftday2_013.jpg

TWO. This snapshot of the 2001 ‘Canes O-line from, of all places, the Grey Lady. Few things amuse me quite as much as reading anthropological dissections of college sport:

Most of their teammates refuse to be seen in public with them. They refer to themselves as ”animals.” Their coach, Larry Coker, calls them ‘’scary.” They’re ”weird, off the wall, the most politically incorrect people I’ve ever met,” says Ken Dorsey, the team’s laid-back quarterback, with a sly grin. ”I try not to let my girlfriend near them…”

They helped turn Dorsey, a smart, self-possessed quarterback with limited physical skills, into a Heisman Trophy candidate. (The award was won by Eric Crouch of Nebraska.)

Romberg, of Norwegian ancestry, speaks Norwegian, Lithuanian, Serbo-Croatian, some Spanish and English. Haji-Rasouli speaks Persian, Spanish, some German and English. Bibla speaks Polish, Russian and English. Gonzalez speaks Spanish and English. They have taught one another vulgar expressions in each of their many languages.

Read on, campers read on; there’s so much more.

THREE. This headline.

ONE TWO THREE FOUR:



Filed under: DA U!!!, on the trunk? on the trunk  by Holly

STUFF RED AND BLACK PEOPLE LIKE

The EDSBS staff decided the “Stuff _____ People Like” had gone soft. So we therefore bonded over the one thing Tennessee fans and Florida fans can both crack out the sharp, stabby knives over: Georgia, a.k.a. Red and Black People, who ironically take their colors from two shades of people horribly oppressed in this very state. And no, it gets no nicer from here, and yes, we live here and love it.

Past installments may be read here, here, here, here, and here

Mandals. Don’t want to wear socks, but don’t want to look too gay/hippy/liberal with Jesus sandals? Rock yourself some mandals, Red and Black person. It’s just all part of that “laid-back groove” thing you’ve got going on. Or being horrifically lazy. They’re both Red and Black People concepts you’ll see pass through time and time again here.

mandals.jpg
Obviously not a real Georgia fan, as he’s not wearing white ankle socks with them.

Gwinnett County. Georgia has famously only traveled to play a football game somewhere else once, and it was to Atlanta to play Georgia Tech. Little known fact: every “road” game you might have seen the Georgia Bulldogs is in fact a simulation created by the Georgia Tech School of Computer Engineering, who does the work as a contractor for the University of Georgia. If this seems unusual to you, consider that Tech owes Georgia for the vicious but humorous practical joke of playing Reggie Ball at quarterback for four years (record: perfect! 0-4.)

Gwinnett County embraces everything UGA fans could want: a featureless wash of broad roads, convenient fat/grease repositories, and 4BR/3BA houses strewn wantonly on stultifyingly boring land kinda sorta halfway between Athens and the necessary evil of Atlanta. (more…)



Filed under: Blog Buddies, Coaches, the BCS, scandals, arrests, and other eccentri, College football, Southeastern Conference, stuff  by Orson Swindle

CURIOUS INDEX, 4/24/08

I can tell you know how hard this life can be. But you keep on smiling for me.

Cee-lo, you are a beautiful fat little man.

West Virginia is concerned about all of those men crowding their box.

“A quarterback shouldn’t run the ball 20 times a game,” Stewart said. “Eventually, it catches you. … Now, if we can get the ball a couple of more places, make them defend the entire field, maybe we won’t have those safeties coming down [toward the line]. Maybe we won’t have people loading the box quite as much.”

Bill Stewart, please call Urban Meyer. Kthx, Orson. The WVU offense will look a bit more like the Wake Forest offense, but with nutsoid talent working it. Oh, and Pat White won’t be in a leaked nude photograph, either, as much as some of us might like it.

Nick Saban is officially a tool, per a minor league promo that was most definitely not concocted by an Auburn grad. Nope. Completely unbiased promotion going on here. If you believe in synchronicity, and we do, there’s blood on your hands today, minor league baseball promoter asshole. What’s “Roll Tide?” in Malayalam, the world’s only language whose name is a palindrome?

Lloyd Carr is down with the Dalai Lama clique. Carr attended a speech by the Dalai Lama, and has now ensured that if he ever were to visit China, he would be immediately arrested as a “splittist” and forced to work shirtless in a tannery until he died from chemical exposure.

“A website” has the Missouri Tigers in first place in something called the Fulmer Cup. A deplorable one, we’re sure.

Reminder: Mike Leach rules. Leach, on why he’s not giving up playcalling duties like Ralph Friedgen, Steve Spurrier, and Charlie Weis:

“Because I’m younger than those guys,” he said. ” … I got into coaching to coach. Otherwise, you’re just a handshaker.”



Filed under: Atlantic Coast Conference, Big 10 Conference, Big East Conference, Blog Buddies, Coaches, the BCS, scandals, arrests, and other eccentri, College football, Notre Dame, Southeastern Conference  by Orson Swindle

OREGON LINEMEN MAKE A CALENDAR SO HOT YOU WILL DIE LOOKING AT IT

“Cameron, you thought you wouldn’t see anything good today. But you got to watch me bagpipe Sloane. You got to watch me strangle a hot dog vendor with a timing belt for looking at me in an odd way. And you got to watch me set fire to a hot air balloon to show your father the true meaning of the tyranny of gravity. Don’t tell me you haven’t seen anything good today.”

From the Ferris Bueller’s Day Off script, as remixed by Orson Swindle.

Ferris promised things. And today, reader, so do we. Today, you get to behold the majesty of the Oregon offensive linemen’s calendar, put together by the husky but powerful men of the Ducks line. The article intro’ing the thing is: well: poetry.

He’s wearing scuba gear, holding a harpoon. The belted, Euro-style swim trunks could have come from James Bond’s wardrobe.

But it isn’t the accessories, or the svelte physique, that make the photograph sizzle.

“My eyes are amazing,” he says. “You can’t teach that.”

Caveat: Before we begin mocking them, let us just say at the start that the Oregon offensive line is now the official EDSBS Offensive Line of Preference for 2008 for doing this. The photos all emit cheek, verve, and a brisk and perverse sense of humor we’ve come to know and love in offensive linemen. The photos are fucking hilarious. Nothing can take away from this, or from the linemen’s bearish charm and willingness to pose semi-clothed for a good cause.

Now: gay jokes and other mockeries.

Nothing we can say can improve this already perfect photo. Further verbiage debases its excellence.

(more…)



Filed under: Blog Buddies, Coaches, the BCS, scandals, arrests, and other eccentri, College football, Pacific 10 Conference, keep it gay  by Orson Swindle

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