CONGRESSMAN BOREN'S STATEMENT ON TRANSFERRING TO OHIO STATE
by Orson on Apr 23, 2008 3:44 PM EDT
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PrintYou know this isnt' really about Boren transferring from Michigan to Ohio State, right? Right then. Moving on.)
Greetings, assembled members of the media, friends, and of course most importantly, family. I have a few thank yous to mention. First, Representative Miller deserves my thanks for setting up the fine reception here at Ohio State; thanks so much to Linda for helping us out here. Congressman Hurley, I'd like to thank you as well.
And a big round for the caterers, Lunch 'n Brunch Artisans of Columbus, as well. Come on, those pierogies were delicious--give 'em a round of applause, people!
I'd also like to thank my lord and savior Jesus Christ for making this day happen. And of course, I'd like to thank Coach Tressel for having me here at Ohio State. It's a real thrill to be a Buckeye. O-H!
(Crowd: "I-O!" Boren smiles.)
I'd like to state that I don't want to denigrate or say bad things about my former school. They run a great program, and do good things. I don't agree with them, but I had lots of friends at Michigan, and after this is all over I'm still going to have good friends at Michigan.
I do, however, want to draw some contrasts. The contrasts are clear, and I think football fans need to know about them.
I know that Ohio State is the place I want to be because here you can feel that these are people who still believe in family values. The folks in Michigan are going to be doing squats, which only gay guys do that many of, and other "Olympic movements."
Olympic movements? Sounds like one world government to me, and the day I agree to surrendering a shred of my sovereignty is the day I smoke a Cohiba in the middle of a monsoon, friends.
And I can't endorse that kind of behavior. It's not my lifestyle, and I won't endorse it or the drinking of chocolate milk after workouts, or even the idea of lineman being mobile and lean. It's unAmerican. I trust those who I believe can defend what is sacred to us: the quarterback. And those who defend the quarterback should be immobile, mighty fences across the border of the defense.
Go figure that a guy named "Rodriguez" would want to do that? You hear me people? Right?
(Crowd applauds wildly.)
Some people may want to take pounds off those lineman: they call it "streamlining," or even "losing to gain." I disagree. Every pound a lineman sheds in the name of gaining mobility is a deposit in the surrender bank. I still take defending our quarterback seriously, and will take no spot on the roster of Team Surrender.
Therefore, I left the Michigan program.
Also, I have been told that the classes I will take here are even easier than the kinesiology classes I was to take at Michigan. And those, friends, were even easier than the decision our legislators should make to extend the tax cuts signed by our president in 2004! And that means pretty sweet livin' for old Justin Boren, friends.
Thank you, and God Bless you, and God Bless THE Ohio State University, and God Bless America! O-H!
(I-O!)
Thank you! Good night!
(Thunderous applause.)
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Isn’t lunch and brunch catering a NCAA violation?
I’m calling Myles right now.
by ThreenOut on Apr 23, 2008 3:55 PM EDT reply actions
“I still take defending our quarterback seriously…”
I have watched Michigan football faithfully for nearly 20 years, and there is no way Justin Boren could actually have said this statement with a straight face. I’ve seen revolving doors put up more resistence to oncoming defensive lines.
by Anon on Apr 23, 2008 3:56 PM EDT reply actions
…That sums up my thoughts on Justin Boren.
by The New Math: 86=1 on Apr 23, 2008 4:15 PM EDT reply actions
whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa…wait a minute
Stranko doesn’t post here anymore?
by Ryno on Apr 23, 2008 4:15 PM EDT reply actions
Good for Justin Boren. College Football needs more family values. McCain, Clinton and Obama should use this as a campaign platform.
Not like there is anything else going on in this country…
by blon57 on Apr 23, 2008 4:39 PM EDT reply actions
an epic joke was missed. after boren used the word denigrate, the ohio state faithful looked at each other partially confused, but came to accept the fact that he boren hates black people.
by formerlyanonymous on Apr 23, 2008 4:52 PM EDT reply actions
anOSU now has a player that can beat an SEC team! Look out 2008!
by T-Bird on Apr 23, 2008 5:07 PM EDT reply actions
hilarious stuff. well played.
and formerlyanonymous is right.
by David on Apr 23, 2008 5:09 PM EDT reply actions
New Math #4 – that’s the picture I was thinking of as well.
by Out of Conference on Apr 23, 2008 5:20 PM EDT reply actions
I’m not sure this guy’s ever going to start. He got dominated by some pretty average D-tackles we fielded this year, as #4’s link shows.
So uh yeah, it’s nice to stick it to Michigan a third time this year, as opposed to the usual two sticking-it-to’s of the “Game” and the recruiting season. I’d say third time’s a charm, but this is a guy who committed to Michigan because his little brother cried like a bitch when he said he wanted to go to Ohio State.
by poguemahone1989 on Apr 23, 2008 5:21 PM EDT reply actions
@12
Nope, 1-yard loss on a handoff to Hart.
by poguemahone1989 on Apr 23, 2008 5:35 PM EDT reply actions
It’s official. Michigan and the Ohio State do not share a rivalry. Can you imagine a Longhorn leaving Austin for College Station? Would an Alabama undergraduate transfer to Auburn?
No, we will not talk about Big 11 football because Big 11 football ranks up there with the Dakota Athletics Conference in terms of power, prestige and importance.
Let’s all move on to something relevant like how often Mitch Mustain’s mother will call Los Angeles sports radio shows to complain about her baby boy’s lack of playing time?
by bevo on Apr 23, 2008 5:43 PM EDT reply actions
Well at least Boren can say he actually played on a Big 10 team that beat an SEC team post season…..whereas all of his new teammates cannot say that….
by Mr Pelican Pants on Apr 23, 2008 6:37 PM EDT reply actions
@14
I can’t help but wonder if you were saying similarly stupid things after that shitkicking in DKR a vastly overrated Ohio State team gave your prestigious, powerful, and important program.
[/snipe]
by poguemahone on Apr 23, 2008 6:46 PM EDT reply actions
Puh-leeeze!
If someone like Know-Shawn transferred from Georgia to FLA, you all would have so much semen instantly splattered to the insides of your trousers that there would be an epic run on zipper lubricant at the local hardware store/baitshop/glory hole outlet.
by Sherlock Hemlock on Apr 23, 2008 7:09 PM EDT reply actions
Ace is the place for your helpful hardware and glory hole accessories!
by OPS on Apr 23, 2008 7:21 PM EDT reply actions
Aren’t the Borens Jewish? Still, that might even make your work even more brilliant. Another great piece!
by Taco Pants on Apr 23, 2008 7:39 PM EDT reply actions
@16
I was really thinking of Limas Sweed’s sweet, sweet game winning touchdown at the Horseshoe in 2005.
by bevo on Apr 23, 2008 8:00 PM EDT reply actions
I think some of you guys need to realize that Justin Boren was, well, not an overly relevant player therefore it might not come down as a shock to the “big 11” haters. So it’s not rational to compare this Knowshon transferring to UF, if you’re gonna do that you might as well compare that to Beanie Wells transferring to Michigan or Terrelle Pryor spurning 4 years of starting time at UM to go to OSU…oh wait, that actually happened.
by etan on Apr 23, 2008 8:40 PM EDT reply actions
Good article, seriously. Clever stuff.
The fact UM fans think this is a non-event is laughable. His father was a Mich Man and supports this move by his son(s).
UM fans think RR is w/o fault. This is going to bite them in there wine/cheese eating butts…badly.
Wolverine fans have a long, steep road ahead of their program(s). Enjoy.
by GO BLUE! on Apr 23, 2008 11:34 PM EDT reply actions
To me, the fact that he would even think about going to the University of Ohio State speaks volumes about where this kid’s head is. As posted earlier, no one with any sense of espirit de corps would transfer to their rival.
Let him and his little brother enjoy the family values in Columbus, along with all you can eat pizza.
by Scalz1 on Apr 24, 2008 7:15 AM EDT reply actions
Scalz1,
Let me tell you where his head is…………………….winning during the rest of his college career.
by justanotherbuckeye on Apr 24, 2008 7:44 AM EDT reply actions
Justin Boren sounds a lot like Stephen Colbert.
by Dr. Fünkes 100 Percent Natural Good-Time Family Band Solution on Apr 24, 2008 9:33 AM EDT reply actions
Doesn’t calling the Michigan-Ohio State game a “rivalry” at the very least imply both sides have somewhat of a shot to win the “rivalry game” each year?
Because if so, tOSU-UM hasn’t been a rivalry in a while. And this is coming from someone that completely despises tOSU.
by rjsplow on Apr 24, 2008 9:34 AM EDT reply actions
Yeah, no one would think of going with their rival, that’s why we told War-Damn-Eagle Vince Dooley to get lost.
by OhioDawg on Apr 24, 2008 9:51 AM EDT reply actions
- I was thinking of the dropped touchdown pass by Ryan Hamby that would have ensured victory.
I was also thinking of this:
by TAFKastOSUB on Apr 24, 2008 9:56 AM EDT reply actions
Even money says this guy doesn’t stay the three years at TOSU.
by The Farsider on Apr 24, 2008 10:02 AM EDT reply actions
- - That is until Bowl season rolls around and OSU get stomped again by insert SEC team here.
by Last Dragon on Apr 24, 2008 10:17 AM EDT reply actions
Well at least this is a fact…….tOSU pretty good vs subpar competition….pretty good vs the Big 12….not so good vs the SEC in the last 2 Natl Championship games…….their real test in a long time during the regular season-Youngtown State not to be left out—-will be USCw——Nuts vs Trojans….9/20/08…if tOSU gets that one….they maybe onto another run….good RB, good LB and if Terrell Pryor can help tOSU like Knowshow helped UGA last yr, should make some difference….and I am sure Terrell Pryor will more than likely be playing in some supporting capacity, hell I would put him in the slot just to mix things up for now….maybe this will be a game that will help tOSU build some character in learning to either play from behind or comeback from behind….just have to watch Usc vs Stanford or Usc vs Ucla to get a gameplan on how to beat the Trojans….alot of questions will be answered for both teams…see if the jet lag makes a diff…
by Mr Pelican Pants on Apr 24, 2008 11:53 AM EDT reply actions
Oh dear God, #26. Even though Michigan hasn’t won much recently doesn’t take away from the rivalry. tOSU had it’s Cooper years too. It all balances out.
It’s not like this is Tennessee/Vanderbilt. That is NOT a rivalry.
by Hanging Turd on Apr 25, 2008 11:28 PM EDT reply actions
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