You know this isnt’ really about Boren transferring from Michigan to Ohio State, right? Right then. Moving on.)
Greetings, assembled members of the media, friends, and of course most importantly, family. I have a few thank yous to mention. First, Representative Miller deserves my thanks for setting up the fine reception here at Ohio State; thanks so much to Linda for helping us out here. Congressman Hurley, I’d like to thank you as well.
And a big round for the caterers, Lunch ‘n Brunch Artisans of Columbus, as well. Come on, those pierogies were delicious–give ‘em a round of applause, people!
I’d also like to thank my lord and savior Jesus Christ for making this day happen. And of course, I’d like to thank Coach Tressel for having me here at Ohio State. It’s a real thrill to be a Buckeye. O-H!
(Crowd: “I-O!” Boren smiles.)
I’d like to state that I don’t want to denigrate or say bad things about my former school. They run a great program, and do good things. I don’t agree with them, but I had lots of friends at Michigan, and after this is all over I’m still going to have good friends at Michigan.
I do, however, want to draw some contrasts. The contrasts are clear, and I think football fans need to know about them. (more…)
Hill is also remembered for his notorious tunnel touchdown against Texas in the 1991 Cotton Bowl–his final college game. Hill broke free on a long touchdown reception and kept on running through the end zone and into the tunnel. He later emerged from the stadium tunnel taunting the Texas players by motioning his hands like guns.
A great, great idea in a stadium where people may actually be packing heat. But whatever: da U ain’t nevah skared! Hill is now, according to the last bit of news we could find out about him, a law enforcement officer in Broward county.
The offseason survival guide would like to help you through this long, football-free offseason. In order to speed up this process, we’re all going back to 1979 to learn to be smooth. Crack open the champale and get your SMU jersey out. It’s about to get smoother than you ever imagined, albeit in a non-football way.
A Smooth House. The whole idea of smooth is to pretend you’re living on a houseboat in California, or in a ski house in Vail. (Not Aspen–that’s so 80s, man.) If you don’t have a houseboat in California, that’s fine: purchase a houseboat somewhere else. The houseboat should come equipped with a hot, lanky woman who wakes up in a bikini on it four or five days a week. She should be a marine biologist, or failing that,
If you can’t find a houseboat equipped with a hot, lanky woman in a hip-hugger two-piece, or just can’t find a houseboat, you must consider purchasing a home in the woods. The home should be made of pine cut into boards set at 45 degree angles, and it should feature wraparound decks, huge bay windows in geometric shapes, and an irregular offset roof with a window across the top. It should be decorated in mostly browns, feature lots of rugs and wicker furniture, and have a hot tub you can go into naked with some pink champagne and a brunette majoring in ecology or some shit like that.
Oh, and a fireplace with a rug in front of it, because that’s where you get your smooth lovin’ on. It’s as key as blow, backgammon, and Dallas on Friday nights.
Fondue. No class smoothness can happen without fondue. It’s important if you’re classing up to the Smooth Life to have a primo fondue set. (more…)
We’ve already grown our own mustache for Mustache Wednesday, but other bloggers took up the torch for us for this Wednesday. Okay, one blogger specifically: LD from Gunslingers, who unveiled not only the shirtless and sexy look, but showed off a copper cow-catcher for a formidable man-train ready to plow through the great plain of his day.
Because you needed to understand no money man can win my love. It’s Wednesday, and you’re looking good in every way.
Don’t you get fresh with me. Now, the rest of the Curious Index.
Rudy Carpenter is having surgery on his thumb.It is the offseason because we are discussing minor surgery set to take place today on Rudy Carpenter’s thumb. This is how you know this. Cap’n Dennis doesn’t seem worried, and neither does anyone else, since it’s all very manageable and nothing at all to worry about, unlike ASU’s impending matchup with Georgia, which is something to worry about. Remember: Rennie Curran swam all the way from Liberia to kick your ass.
Durr! You got it all figured out! [NAME REDACTED] goes public with what everyone suspected anyway, since he’s now a head coach and is trying to prove to everyone how brainy he is.
“Because operator/writers for Internet sites, such as Rivals.com and Scout.com, are the only ones who have unregulated access to recruits when coaches can’t talk to them, it’s an area that’s ripe for corruption.
We hate it when this happens. Next, he’s wearing glasses and reading the Economist, and talking to you about this great article he read on the Congo in Foreign Policy,, and wondering what happened to the original energy that sparked the Dogma 95 movement, and getting the facts all wrong the whole time. (”So, just imagine the balance of power if Italy hadn’t run their colonies in Southeast Asia into the ground in that war with the Japanese!”) Dude, just stay dumb. We loved you that way.
Oh. One moment, please:
Accuracy remains a concern for Williams despite significant improvement from his freshman to sophomore year. He threw only one more touchdown (13) than interception in 2007 and ranked last in the Big Ten in passing efficiency (119.2).
Similar stats won’t cut it this fall, especially after the loss of superstar running back Rashard Mendenhall. Accordingly, Williams is being held to a higher standard.
“I don’t see why he can’t be a 70 percent passer,” Zook said.
Because Juice Williams with Rashard Mendenhall ranked last in the Big Ten in efficiency, and he won’t have Mendenhall there this year? Whew! You had us there for a second, [NAME REDACTED.] There’s the old anvil with legs and a whistle we know and loved. Hated. Whatever.
The Trojans weakest spot: offensive line, according to the Daily Trojan. They only return one starter, but even the new guys know USC does a play-action rollout pass on every freakin’ first down they get. So they’ve got that going for ‘em.
It’s a tiny sample size of six schools, but the stadium with the smallest allotment of seats for students in what appears to be a 15 minute survey of six of the SEC’s stadiums? LSU, who only reserves 13 percent of the stadium for students. In case you wonder which school is most upside down on the small student body/huge stadium ratio, the answer is as you suspected: Alabama.
Aggie Fashion: This concerns me. Texas A&M isn’t where we’d look for fashion advice (and we need it, since we’re stuck in the “Any outfit topped with a brown velvet jacket=liquid sex” look.) And judging from this advice, we’ll continue that policy.
To avoid being late to class, forget fixing your hair - just top off your outfit with a unique hat.
As bad as this advice may sound, it works gangbusters for Swedish soccer fans.
Ja, Svedka!
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Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
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