UNFAIRLY ILLUSTRATED: HOUSTON NUTT FLUFFERY

by Orson on Apr 22, 2008 12:18 PM EDT

How do you enjoy a fluff piece you know from the start will be a perfunctory knob-polishing of a new coach, coordinator, or university president? They're atrocious to write and just as bad to read, something that is not so much the fault of the writer as it is of the editor who says, "Go get me a profile" to a person who needs access to the program, the coach, and the players. Meaning: the profiles are inevitably nice, hands-offish, and gloss over anything remotely interesting.

Therefore, we at EDSBS Labs seek to give you reality improved. One technique to improve the fluff piece: unfairly excerpt or elide quotes. Another? Unfair illustrations, as seen in this Houston Nutt profile from the Laurel Leader-Call.

"WAYNESBORO If Thursday nights tenth annual Wayne County Rebel Club gathering is any indication, new Ole Miss Rebel head football coach Houston Nutt has already won over the Rebel faithful. The last four seasons are nothing but a fading view in the rear-view mirror of their vehicles..."

"If you meet Nutt, you will be impressed even if you are not a Rebel fan.

He is an excellent people person who is a great communicator. His passion for what he does comes out very quickly. He has that look in his eye that draws you in... "

"The look speaks outwardly that he cares about what he is selling..."

"...In this case, Ole Miss football was the sales pitch to these eager takers."

"...Some of the Rebel nation might have had mixed reactions on his hiring last November 27 since he was the enemy for ten years, but if they were present Thursday night, Nutt quickly dispelled those negative thoughts within minutes with his down home manner that fit in well in this football crazy town."

"...For Nutt, changing the negative attitude of the players has been his number one priority in Oxford. The attitude problem in Oxford, according to the former Lou Holtz assistant coach, was really negative."

"...Nutt and his staff have addressed the academic problems with late night visits to apartments and dorm rooms."

This is one of the best coaching staffs I have ever seen in terms of chemistry. "

Unfairly Illustrated seeks to improve fluff pieces around the nation with cheap visual/verbal gags. If you have one of interest, remember to send it to harumphharumph --at-- gmail.com.

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Comments

Again, hard not to laugh when I’m reading this. I gotta stop, especially when discussing Africa & colonialism and the really awful shit that happened. You get ugly looks from professors when you are biting your finger with a huge smile on your face.

The Eye of Sauron just killed me.

by That 5.0 Guy on Apr 22, 2008 12:44 PM EDT reply actions

IS there an EDSBS Live tonight?

by babaoje on Apr 22, 2008 12:52 PM EDT reply actions

There will be. Announcement pending, but it’s on.

by Orson Swindle on Apr 22, 2008 12:54 PM EDT reply actions

So when did the Jews start cooking meth? Kosher Salt? Whats that about? We are done for….I bet their meth is pretty good, but way overpriced…..which should fit right in with the Ole Miss crowd anyway, especially on the Grove…Billy Mays would be a great recruiter, seeing that Oxi-ford is similar to Oxi-clean or any variation thereof…Oxi-Meth would be the next logical progression…."Hi I’m Billy Mays and with my well trimmed amazing beard, I am gonna show you why football in Oxi-Ford is so much cleaner than your typical SEC football program. Watch as I take these two teams into a car wash and (insert your own sales pitch here)…………………………

by Mr Pelican Pants on Apr 22, 2008 1:22 PM EDT reply actions

I clicked on the link to the Laurel Leader-Call. WTF is he wearing on his head?

by sally on Apr 22, 2008 1:48 PM EDT reply actions

That eye kinda freaks me out…starts out lookin’ like a vertical rectum, then like a very furry vagina sans other defining parts, then, well I just figured I ought to look away…then the hallucinations started…I think I gotta go…

by sb on Apr 22, 2008 2:09 PM EDT reply actions

“the biggest thing is to recruit players that are good students”
…good luck with that (from a fan of that school with the ‘high-character’ players).

by jakldawg on Apr 22, 2008 2:17 PM EDT reply actions

Mr Pelican Pants @ 4 – Well, it is Passover.

sally @ 5 – It’s the plays in the new “Wild Reb” Formation he’s going to try to run this year (secretly written on the inside).

by Studley on Apr 22, 2008 2:41 PM EDT reply actions

Substitiute the following names for Houston Nutt:

Billy Kinard
Ken Cooper
Billy Brewer
David Cutcliffe
Ed Orgeron

and 1 (2?) more I can’t remember from the 80s. Same story, first printed back in the 70s, keeps on getting recycled.

Once Cut lost Eli, Ole Pi$$ reverted back to the same ol ’ sack o’shit program. The only exception was God rest his soul, Johnny Vaught for 20 years back in the Bronze or Stone Age, take your pick.

by yoyofutbawl on Apr 22, 2008 3:20 PM EDT reply actions

- I don’t blame you for forgetting the Steve Sloan era, but the Joe Lee Dunn era? I don’t recall how many games Dunn coached, but I am certain they were blitztastic.

by Coop on Apr 22, 2008 3:48 PM EDT reply actions

Coop-

Hard enough to keep up w/ MSU up here, much less the hated Rabblez. Not to say we were much better w/ Bellard & Rockey. At least we didn’t field a “swimming team”.

BTW, nice scenery at alive after 5 last Thursday night, as always.

by yoyofutbawl on Apr 22, 2008 4:00 PM EDT reply actions

Oddly enough, I believe that’s fat-cat donor Dickie Scruggs’s private plane in the rear-view mirror…being permanently grounded by the local DA.

by the croominator on Apr 22, 2008 4:51 PM EDT reply actions

The Appomattox Courthouse scene following the “negative attitude in Oxford” quote made me laugh out loud.

Well done.

Btw, yoyofutbawl, the winningest coach in your program’s history finished with a .500 record (75-75-2). Just sayin’.

by MakersmarkReb on Apr 22, 2008 10:50 PM EDT reply actions

Not to start the ghey, where do you live thing but….

Coop and YoYo: are y’all in gvegas?

by lance harbor on Apr 23, 2008 10:40 AM EDT reply actions

What a gag piece. The same description of Nutt could be used for every used car salesman I’ve ever encountered. In fact, that’s exactly how his Boise State players described him when he left to go to Arkansas.

Also notice the article says he won at least 7 games every year at Arkansas. I think the “fact checker” needs to go back and look at the 2004 and 2005 seasons with win totals of 5 and 4, respectively. Also, Nutt is under .500 vs. BCS team in the last 10 years.

Nutt does serve good koolaid, though.

by Jim Grizzle on Apr 23, 2008 4:30 PM EDT reply actions