How do you enjoy a fluff piece you know from the start will be a perfunctory knob-polishing of a new coach, coordinator, or university president? They’re atrocious to write and just as bad to read, something that is not so much the fault of the writer as it is of the editor who says, “Go get me a profile” to a person who needs access to the program, the coach, and the players. Meaning: the profiles are inevitably nice, hands-offish, and gloss over anything remotely interesting.

Therefore, we at EDSBS Labs seek to give you reality improved. One technique to improve the fluff piece: unfairly excerpt or elide quotes. Another? Unfair illustrations, as seen in this Houston Nutt profile from the Laurel Leader-Call.

“WAYNESBORO – If Thursday night’s tenth annual Wayne County Rebel Club gathering is any indication, new Ole Miss Rebel head football coach Houston Nutt has already won over the Rebel faithful. The last four seasons are nothing but a fading view in the rear-view mirror of their vehicles…”

“If you meet Nutt, you will be impressed even if you are not a Rebel fan. He is an excellent people person who is a great communicator. His passion for what he does comes out very quickly. He has that look in his eye that draws you in… ”

“The look speaks outwardly that he cares about what he is selling…”

“…In this case, Ole Miss football was the sales pitch to these eager takers.”

“…Some of the Rebel nation might have had mixed reactions on his hiring last November 27 since he was the enemy for ten years, but if they were present Thursday night, Nutt quickly dispelled those negative thoughts within minutes with his down home manner that fit in well in this football crazy town.”

“…For Nutt, changing the negative attitude of the players has been his number one priority in Oxford. The attitude problem in Oxford, according to the former Lou Holtz assistant coach, was really negative.”

“…Nutt and his staff have addressed the academic problems with late night visits to apartments and dorm rooms.”

“This is one of the best coaching staffs I have ever seen in terms of chemistry. ”

Unfairly Illustrated seeks to improve fluff pieces around the nation with cheap visual/verbal gags. If you have one of interest, remember to send it to harumphharumph –at– gmail.com.