EDSBS ARCHIVES: JUNE 11, 1935

by Orson on Apr 22, 2008 10:03 AM EDT

The electric cries of the crowd and exultations of the gathered hundreds at the Mid-Northwestern Sons of Lower Umbria Fair of Charlottesville Virginia THRILLED to the brave spiral daredevil antics of young turks Joey "Pancetta" Paterno and Robert "Rocket" Bowden!

The duo placed their moxie and manhoods on the line for the pleasure of the general public by placing their vehicles in the WHEEL OF DEATH, the very same CirVerticular track that claimed the life of the shapely maiden Jeanne Featherbottom and her driver Mack Weekly though gory decapitation in last year's exciting Mid-Northwestern Sons of Lower Umbria Fair!

Paterno piloted Nemeon, his trusty quadricar, to victory in a twenty lap bout with Rocket Bowden, vehiculating around the center ring with such vociferous a-rat-a-tat-tattling of pistons that decent folk abandoned their interest in other fair exhibits---even the wildly popular anthropological exhbit, "Shemanti: Naked Came the Hottentot!"

An urchin fell into the ring, causing much merriment as he panicked in a comical fashion as the vehicles spewed blue leaded exhaust from their mighty autorectums! Pathos hung heavy in the air as he rattled around the ring like a trapped baboon, but the sentiment turned quickly to excitement as he was devoured by Joey Paterno's boon companion, Howard the Lion, in a single fortuitous swipe of paw and crunch of jaw!

"Rocket" Bowden, riding his steed Traveller, placed second, and vowed to best Paterno in a race. "The olive oil makes him faster! Check his papers, dadgummit! He's an ANARCHIST! I'll outlast him yet!"

Paterno celebrated with a reading of Cicero, a plate of his people's odious, garlic-reeking food, and by taking his shirt off, revealing a wife-beater and suspenders. When asked if Howard the Lion had helped him to victory, Paterno responded with an ironic wit Petronius himself would have envied: "Lion? What lion? Are you drunk?"

(HT: Flubby)

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I’m not sure even Bizarro Superman could find his words to say “You’re welcome” after reading this. At least not from behind my corporate overlords’ filter that’s blocking of all pictures associated with this post from appearing.

by Dave on Apr 22, 2008 10:39 AM EDT reply actions

JoePa was never an anarchist…an anarcho-syndicalist, yes. But not an anarchist.

by Jerkwheat on Apr 22, 2008 10:42 AM EDT reply actions

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAA.

by The Great Barstoolio on Apr 22, 2008 10:45 AM EDT reply actions

This is what the internet is for.

by Weo on Apr 22, 2008 10:56 AM EDT reply actions

Who said JoePa was the antichrist? I thought that label was for Barack Obama…..err Rev Wright

by Mr Pelican Pants on Apr 22, 2008 11:11 AM EDT reply actions

I thought John McKay piloted Traveller. Young Bowden’s steel beast was nicknamed Renegade, at least the way I recall it. I still can’t believe they tore that track down to build the Charlottesville Pavilion. Lot’s of fond memories with Mabel there, I tell ya.

by Big Jon on Apr 22, 2008 11:33 AM EDT reply actions

NIce touch adding Tommy and Terry to the crowd.

by Coop on Apr 22, 2008 11:53 AM EDT reply actions

re #7

and nice restraint leaving Jay out. It would ruin a perfectly good picture.

by DanF on Apr 22, 2008 11:56 AM EDT reply actions

Isn’t that Greg Oden spectating on the left?

by tOSU_radar on Apr 22, 2008 12:10 PM EDT reply actions

Isnt that Greg Oden spectating on the left?

Back when he was about 40?

by I R A Darth Aggie on Apr 22, 2008 12:58 PM EDT reply actions

Speaking of Bobby Bowden, FSU has the first entry from the Sunshine State into the Fulmer Cup. Star receiver Preston Parker was arrested early this morning for carrying a concealed firearm and possession of less than 20 grams of marijuana.
Link (new window)

by Youngator on Apr 22, 2008 1:19 PM EDT reply actions

man EDSBS, you’ve been KILLING paterno as of late

by pos on Apr 22, 2008 1:50 PM EDT reply actions

Garlic-eating JoePa and a son-of-the-south Bowden riding a steed with the same name as R.E.Lee’s famed mount…linked forever in a munificent race to the death…RIP.

by sb on Apr 22, 2008 2:59 PM EDT reply actions

Uh, #11, is that the same star receiver who is by all reFSU accounts “as good or better than Percy Harvin”?

As with anything to do with reFSU, I applaud their every move…including the hiring of a university president…some poor community college lost their guiding light…

by sb on Apr 22, 2008 3:02 PM EDT reply actions