RALPHIE V MAKES HER VERY TRAMPLE-Y DEBUT
Handler One: Ralphie, that’s a good girl.
Handler Two: Man, she’s flipping me out right now.
Ralphie: Trample. Kill. Ram. Trample. Gore. Crush crush trample. Fear. Two legs everywhere. Trample them all. Desperate hunger for grass. Kill.
Handler Three: We’ve got to go in two.
Handler One: Look at her eyes. It’s just one pit of black surrounded by white fear. God, that’s unnerving.
Ralphie V: Hunger. All that grass. Must crush, then eat. Sun. Buffalo in heaven. Demand blood. Ram. Stomp. Run. Kick. Destroy two legs.
Hander Two: Where’s Trey? He’s supposed to be here. We can’t do this with just three handlers.
Handler Three: We ready to go?
Trey, Handler Four: Hey, guys, when are we—AAAIIIIGGGHHHHH
Handler one, hanging on for dear life: OH GOD HER EYES HAAAAIIIIIILLLLLP!
Ralphie: OPEN SPACE RUN KILL.
Handler Four: My insides feels leaky and warm…I can’t feel…my…hands…
Handler One: I CAN’T HOLD ON JESUS CHRIST WHY THE HELL DO WE HAVE A BUFFALO THEY DON’T LIKE LEASHES!!!!
Dan Hawkins: Well done, boys! That’s a division one football mascot!
Ralphie: Sun. Grass. Trampled. Yes. Suddenly tired. Hungry. Stop.
Handler One: MY SHOULDER! OH GOD MY SHOULDER!
Hawkins: Can we get her to skydive onto the field? And then trample someone? That would be EPIC.
(HT: Rashaan Salaam)
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1
Chips O'Toole says:
Ted Turner thinks Ralphie looks delicious.
April 21st, 2008 at 9:37 am
2
hailstate says:
Jesus, is that partial scholarship worth a potential goring, CU mascot handler?
April 21st, 2008 at 9:37 am
3
Mr Pelican Pants says:
I wonder if thats how Bill Bates felt after getting run over by then freshman Hershel Walker in the Ga-Tenn game…..basically that video reminded me of people trying to tackle Hershel Walker in his prime, you really needed a tazer to slow him down….gotta give it up for that white boy, he looked pretty fast keeping up with Ralphie….if Ralphie is like his Indian hunters, then Ralphie is also hopped up on booze….When can we get a college that has a Velociraptor as a mascot and let him run around?
April 21st, 2008 at 9:46 am
4
JFW says:
Best buffalo-related post ever.
April 21st, 2008 at 9:46 am
5
beauford @ theonlygamethatmatters says:
That time that the buffalo mascot trampled its handlers in front of a sparsely attended spring game?
Epic.
April 21st, 2008 at 9:46 am
6
Holly says:
FEAR THE MAJESTIC BUFFALO
April 21st, 2008 at 9:46 am
7
Orangeblood says:
That handler went down like Joel Klatt in the Big XII Championship. Zing!
It’s a shame we keep Bevo sedated when we could turn DKR into the running of the bull.
April 21st, 2008 at 9:56 am
8
the croominator says:
#3…by God, I think Ole Miss may have a job for that there velociraptor!
April 21st, 2008 at 10:03 am
9
Dave says:
You’re on to something there, croominator.
Houston Nutt + velociraptor = retiring YouTube, because the pinnacle will have been reached.
April 21st, 2008 at 10:13 am
10
Tom says:
# 8, Ole Miss already experimented with having a live velociraptor as its live mascot. It was named Coach Orgeron. There were moments of brief triumph, but ultimately it was deemed an uninsurable danger to itself and others.
April 21st, 2008 at 10:16 am
11
DevilGrad says:
According to lore I’ve heard, the first time one of Bill McCartney’s CU teams made it to the Orange Bowl, the stadium officials told them they weren’t allowed to run Ralphie across the field. McCartney told the handlers to do it anyway and “if the bowl officials want to stop him, they’re welcome to.”
April 21st, 2008 at 10:29 am
12
Ryno says:
Why does Ralphie V’s inner monologue sound terribly similar to most LSU defensive linemen?
April 21st, 2008 at 10:32 am
13
yoyofutbawl says:
Cage match. Bevo vs. Ralphie. Pay-Per-View. Winner takes on The Orgeron.
April 21st, 2008 at 10:36 am
14
Murphy says:
Memo to other universities:
Please learn from early LSU mascot meetings.
Tiger. Cage. Good.
April 21st, 2008 at 10:48 am
15
Kenny says:
Gotta love a college tradition that starts in fear and ends in anticlimax.
This is why no one was sitting in the field level seats, right?
April 21st, 2008 at 11:11 am
16
them oklahoma says:
13- Bevo, the nation’s most beloved jaundiced sloth-cattle with a weed problem (it’s true, name another), would simply lounge as Ralphie reaches higher and higher on the scale of rage at Bevo’s lethargic nature. A more enticing match? Ralphie vs. Boomer and Sooner (the OU shetland ponies. you think human midgets are unnerving, try midget ponies), the bear from Baylor (yes, a bear is a match…but it’s from Baylor), and TTech’s kamakaze horse with Bobby Knight in the saddle. That’s a deal that the folks at FX couldn’t turn down.
April 21st, 2008 at 11:13 am
17
dudis41 says:
I wonder what Dan Hawkins said to the parents of Handler Four when they asked if their son could have some time off to mend his internal injuries…
This isn’t intramural buffalo herding, son.
April 21st, 2008 at 11:14 am
18
the croominator says:
I personally love Clay Travis’s idea that Ole Miss’s mascot should be William Faulkner…as long as it’s drunk, naked Faulkner, sitting in an oak tree and throwing stuff at the groundskeepers.
April 21st, 2008 at 11:17 am
19
One And Done says:
Ingrid Newkirk is not amused. In fact, she’s weeping.
If a couple of Native Americans had attended that spring game, you’d've been dining on lean buffalo burgers by sundown.
All I care about is if PETA got pissed off, b/c I like when those nincompoops get all in a tizzy.
Try buffalo in your dirty rice or jambalaya too… delish!
April 21st, 2008 at 11:23 am
20
Allaha says:
Let’s make home field advantage truly meaningful: allow the mascot to participate in the opening series.
Me? I see Florida and LSU rising quickly in the polls, the Irish not so much.
April 21st, 2008 at 11:41 am
21
Out of Conference says:
Tetonka, Tetonka!
To Allaha: Let go of me Lucky Charms!
April 21st, 2008 at 11:52 am
22
meatybob says:
#20
I dunno. A drunk irishman may be a tough out.
April 21st, 2008 at 12:12 pm
23
David says:
I’d be pissed too if I was Ralphie. It’s bad enough being man-handled by a douchebag Parks & Recreation major, but you’re telling me I have to run and parade around in front of tens of fans? Not worth it.
April 21st, 2008 at 12:15 pm
24
meatybob says:
BTW, how does LSU have a tiger as a mascot? Was their creative team from Missouri? Tigers, how boring.
April 21st, 2008 at 12:19 pm
25
Mr Pelican Pants says:
What would have been cooler if, just like in a bull fight, they put the buffalo down with flaming spears, Ralphies all pissed off chasing everyone with about 20 flaming spears hanging off her back, til the Orgeron jumps outta the crowd and punches her out like Mongo in Blazing Saddles…..man I miss Coach O in the SEC……but gotta say, Coach Nutt is a nice follow up act…..Coach O was crazy when he got angry, and dont make him angry— you wouldnt like him when he’s angry, but Coach Nutt is all crazy, all the time 24/7/365…..Totally 5150
April 21st, 2008 at 12:34 pm
26
yoyofutbawl says:
16
Or better yet, vs. Peruna @ SMU. But I’d still put my $$$ on The Orgeron.
HOLLAPOSSUMHOLLAH!!!!!
April 21st, 2008 at 1:44 pm
27
rudy (not the one from notre dame) says:
lil’ red would maul you. but he would eat your soul.
April 21st, 2008 at 1:57 pm
28
skinnyphatman says:
Handler Two clearly participated in the Boulder 420 festival yesterday. His response to most anything was therefore, “Man, she’s flipping me out right now.”
April 21st, 2008 at 3:15 pm
29
Chg says:
Many Notre Dame teams do let the mascot play. That’s why they lose so much, especially when they run into non-Irish talent in the postseason.
April 21st, 2008 at 3:49 pm
30
Sid Turner says:
This may explain the Ralphie video you posted.
http://www.dailycamera.com/news/2008/apr/20/cus-420-pot-smoke-out-draws-10000/
April 21st, 2008 at 4:34 pm
31
Andy says:
When I went to CU for grad school, every game I went I was waiting for something like that to happen when they ran Ralphie around the field. I typicalli imagined that one of the handlers would just fall and get dragged around the field but getting gored and run over counts for bonus points.
April 21st, 2008 at 5:18 pm
32
doug in sf says:
One amusing point about this is that the fans are just sitting there in the stands clapping along to the fight song — which is what? Run, Ralphie, Down the Field, or some such.
April 21st, 2008 at 6:42 pm
33
GeneralZod says:
That guy got Montana Stated.
April 21st, 2008 at 7:56 pm
34
Studley says:
meatybob @ 24 – they’ve had that name since 1896, and their “creative team” were Louisiana brigades serving in Robert E. Lee’s Army of Northern Virginia.
http://www.lsusports.net/ViewArticle.dbml?&DB_OEM_ID=5200&ATCLID=177310&SPID=2178&SPSID=27898
April 21st, 2008 at 10:01 pm
35
meg says:
I had a chance to meet Ralphie in person after a long cross- country trip, and she was pretty pissed off then as well.
April 21st, 2008 at 10:36 pm
36
Kanu says:
That’s what spring ball is all about; working off the rust & getting the timing right.
It will all look like an Alvin Ailey performance come August.
April 22nd, 2008 at 12:35 pm