MARK MANGINO SERIOUSLY DID NOT FIND THIS FUNNY
by Orson on Apr 21, 2008 1:37 PM EDT
51 comments
Rarely, oh so very rarely, do we actually get contacted voice to voice by anyone we write about. This includes indirect contact through secondaries, flunkies, coolies, whatever. Being a blogger has that advantage: writing the sort of fever-dream metafiction most blogs consist of mean the subjects rarely have time to read, appreciate, or get enraged at what you write.
Au contraire, though. One coach did actually, indirectly, take umbrage with something we included in this edition of the Curious Index. Was it near-libel? A particularly obscene description of a bad play call or team collapse in a crucial game? Or in the case of this coach and the usual tack sailors of the information high seas take on him, a fat joke?
Negative on all counts. What enraged Mark Mangino enough to have his real estate agent call us not two days later and ask for removal of the screen capture we used in the post? Using a publicly available photo of his house from the real estate agent's virtual website, which is for sale, and making fun of the champagne chilling on a table in the photo.
(This is, removed picture or not, hilarious whenever anyone does it in a real estate photo: "Oh, welcome. We didn't even know you were coming by, lawya, but that's cool. You know how we do. Now, please, just have a seat on the plush sofa, chill, and I'll just grab this Bollinger I just happened to have on hand here." As if purchasing this house will make you seventeen times instant classy, and that like Gurgi's bottomless bag of food in The Black Cauldron, the opened bottle of champagne will be POOF! instantly replaced with a new bottle sitting on perpetually frosty ice.)
So, Friday the 11th, the phone rings.
Quick Google of the area code: Lawrence, Kansas. I put down coffee and answer the phone.
"Is this Spencer Hall...um, Orson Swindle?" Man's voice, Midwestern accent. Slight trepidation, as if he were calling someone who likely didn't speak English, or wasn't sober. (Either's possible here, depending on the hour.)
"Yes."
"I'm [Dude's name here] and I work for [Realty agency name here]. And I've got one very unhappy client here."
The guy is--let's get this straight--all but completely professional in not mentioning his client's name, but he references the post, and that the home owner would really, really like for the photo to come down. Meaning that "the client"--obviously Mark Mangino, if we're not playing hint-and-tickle here--is in a lathered rage over people actually looking at his for-sale house online.
He might have reasons, though what they are remain obtuse to me. Everyone in every college town can find out where a coach lives in seconds. And the house is on the market, and presumably the worst thing coming from me mocking the champagne placement would be a chapped ass at being mocked, unless he's got some fear of someone using the pictures as blueprint for robbing his house.
(Again, Mr. Mangino: if you're reading this, do not fire your agent in a fit of rage. He was beyond professional, even if he did wangle for an apology from us at the end in a passive-aggressive way. Which we didn't give him or owe him.)
This brings up the whole point, though: if you don't want something to go public, don't put it on the internet. Pictures of you having sex, the interiors of your house, you meeting your future 2020 self on the pavement in Vegas, anything you care to toss in the basket: if you don't want someone else to find it, don't put it online.
Jim Tressel and Kirk Herbstreit both had interiors of their homes for sale, and even willingly let them in the paper without protest. It may have even sped up the sale, for all we know, and relieved Tressel of one of his two mortgages. (The other one on the Big House? Expensive, but rewarding.) Mangino, in contrast, flipped out and had his real estate agent call us. Control freak much? All the cans in line? LOTION IN BASKET WITH THE WIRE HANGERS?
You don't drag a program as musty, derelict, and hopeless as Kansas to the Orange Bowl by being a nice guy. From the tiny brush we had with the Battleship Mangino, he really is the perfect guy for the job in that sense. Tommy Tuberville, as chop-blocky as he might be, must be far too nice to ever succeed at Kansas: after all, he gave out his address on the air during a postgame show and keeps his phone number in the Opelika/Auburn phone book.
0 recs |
51 comments
|
Email
Print
Comments
And Mangino comes across as looking like a jerk…He needs to coach at a real Big 12 school where everyone knows where you live and they put for sale signs in your yard if your only win 9 games a year.
Welcome to D-1 football.
by blon57 on Apr 21, 2008 1:51 PM EDT reply actions
On an unrelated note, Obie, known as “lil’ tangerino” amongst friends, has filed suit against the Kansas Coach alleging likeness infringement.
by lsufiend on Apr 21, 2008 2:04 PM EDT reply actions
Auburn/Opelika has a phone book? I thought you just jiggled the reciever and told Mabel who to put on the party line….
by Conan D'Amato on Apr 21, 2008 2:25 PM EDT reply actions
Ironically Mark “Man-child” Mangina’s episode of “Cribs” is one of the better episodes I’ve seen.
by teddy dupay on Apr 21, 2008 2:25 PM EDT reply actions
And Kansas isnt even an Under Armor school.
by Bunkie Perkins on Apr 21, 2008 2:29 PM EDT reply actions
When will people learn that demanding someone remove something from the internet results in everyone on the internet looking at it.
by NDTom on Apr 21, 2008 2:31 PM EDT reply actions
THIS IS DIV 1 FOOTBAWLLLL!!!! If he wants to keep his house of the internet tell him to go coach intramurals.
by MCG DAWG on Apr 21, 2008 2:39 PM EDT reply actions
Dude, you took it down? I would’ve made a new banner out of it.
by paco on Apr 21, 2008 2:42 PM EDT reply actions
Is anyone a little bit scared to make a fat joke now that they know Mangino might read it?
Orson, you should’ve held out for an autographed copy of the infamous velour jumpsuit.
by PW on Apr 21, 2008 2:44 PM EDT reply actions
Wow…a Black Cauldron reference. That’s like right above “Song of the South” in the list of movies that Disney will deny ever having anything to do with.
A chimichanga platter for you sir!
by Ryno on Apr 21, 2008 2:48 PM EDT reply actions
yet another victim of the Streisand Effect
by woooooohooooooooo on Apr 21, 2008 2:51 PM EDT reply actions
Oh, it’s not like any of the readers of this blog know or care where 1725 Lake Alvamar Drive is anyhow. Or that you can look up Douglas County property tax information by address at http://www.douglas-county.com/.
by PeteJayhawk on Apr 21, 2008 3:07 PM EDT reply actions
You would think someone of the Orson Wells/William Conrad physique would have a sense of humor. I guess not.
Instead he sends one of his henchmen to put the screws to Orson. Typical Italian.
by hunglikehussain on Apr 21, 2008 3:08 PM EDT reply actions
To echo a previous comment:
Dude, all this…and you took it down?
by The Persistent Fool on Apr 21, 2008 3:08 PM EDT reply actions
That was no F-5 tornado that hit the Golden Corral Buffet….that was just Mark Mangino…..seriously folks,
why take it down? Whats the worst that could happen? Mark Mangino drives to your house to sit on you?
Tell that Realtor that if his “clients’” house sells because of your website, you expect to be compensated….I am sure you are able to track click thru’s…..I would wait him out…..dare him even, that massive coronary….. Quadruple-Double Bypass cant be far off….Time is on your side, Swindle…
Tell ’em Verne Lunquist would even do the voice over in the Virtual Walkthru on the website, or hell, just hijack the link to Swindle Industries—NCAA Coaches Estate Homes Division and just sell the house to Jim Tressel…after he loses his next BCS Bowl game, both him and Bob Stoops(after another loss in Arizona) will be looking for a job…and a house…..and a blogger to intimidate
by Mr Pelican Pants on Apr 21, 2008 3:08 PM EDT reply actions
Odd reference to Herbstreit and Tressel together. Are you implying they are a couple?
by Freehawk on Apr 21, 2008 3:10 PM EDT reply actions
I like Mangina (sic) even less now. Oh for the love of god that Trey Parker and Matt Stone find out about this and Cartman and kids go to Chef to ask what a mangina is and they find Mangino in the woods.
by Out of Conference on Apr 21, 2008 3:11 PM EDT reply actions
Pelican Pants, Verne Lundquist is too busy entertaining Britney Spears to sell his house.
“Oh My!”
by Freehawk on Apr 21, 2008 3:11 PM EDT reply actions
You said Obtuse——-geometric comedy, Mangino prefers the word “rotund”….
And as far as phones and Auburn go……I thought they still used pigeons?…. when did they get Ma Bell? or Mabel? Imagine trying to do a drug deal with pigeons as your only form of communication? and whilst trying to chop block someone?
by Mr Pelican Pants on Apr 21, 2008 3:15 PM EDT reply actions
I loved Mark Mangino as Peter Clemenza in The Godfather. Leave the gun, take the canoli.
by Crabapple Buck on Apr 21, 2008 3:19 PM EDT reply actions
one of mangino’s associates is tracking down lsufreek’s phone number right now.
by gerry dorsey on Apr 21, 2008 3:24 PM EDT reply actions
i hope that one day i get a phone call at work and the person on the other end asks for me by both my real name and my intertron name
congrats on this important professional milestone, mr. swindle…er, hall…
by okiedomer on Apr 21, 2008 3:32 PM EDT reply actions
O, if this gets nasty, I am available for consigliari duty.
by hunglikehussain on Apr 21, 2008 3:47 PM EDT reply actions
Internet lesson to realtors:
Picture demanded to be removed? Listing taken down from site? No worries!
Step 1: Google for a unique line from the post in question, limiting results to the site in question.
Step 2: Click the little link to include the omitted results, thereby recalling all of the cached versions of the page in question.
Step 3: Click through the links until the picture pops up. (Only took the second link this time. Child’s play.)
Step 4: Save the image for future use.
Step 5: Post your achievements for all the world to mock your waste of approximately 32 seconds of otherwise productive time.
There, now wasn’t that so much easier than ignoring the whole incident and letting it die a microwave death in the ADD world of the internet?
by partacama on Apr 21, 2008 4:08 PM EDT reply actions
Orson, I applaud your loyalty to your team. Faced with a difficult situation, you did what the Florida secondary would have done: folded.
Imagine the rage on the other end of the line if you’d posted pictures of his teenage, pole-vaulting daughter.
by Cincy's Dad on Apr 21, 2008 4:08 PM EDT reply actions
As Homer Simpson put it deftly, “The Internet is on computers?”
by yoyofutbawl on Apr 21, 2008 4:30 PM EDT reply actions
I, as a non paying member and non revenue generating member, demand you put back up the aforementioned picture in the name of Chaos Theory and the Butterfly Effect, in honor of its founder, who died last week. In a nutshell, if Mark Mangino farts, does it cause a Tidal Wave in Brazil?
Or, if a realtor—-not an attorney—-a realtor—-says “Boo”, does Orson have to blink?
by Mr Pelican Pants on Apr 21, 2008 4:33 PM EDT reply actions
This is almost as awesome as having a picture of Nick Saban’s niece shut down SECpoon.com
by Ryno on Apr 21, 2008 4:36 PM EDT reply actions
Re 15: Oh, yeah, I almost forgot there was a cartoon movie version. I haven’t seen it, though. Just a month ago I was asking myself if I should read the Prydain Chronicles again for the 5th time (the last time was just after law school about 8 or 9 years ago). I was reading the Chronicles of Narnia to my son a couple chapters at a time before bedtime, and some parts he liked but other parts were too boring or too scary for him. We made it to the beginning of The Horse and His Boy before he asked to switch back to the Mary Pope Osborne books. I wondered if he might like Lloyd Alexander’s stuff better, but I seem to recall it being a little too violent for a five-year-old, thus making me want to reread it to see how early I should expose him to Taran, Gurgi et al. Just wait ’til we get to the Tolkien and the Orson Scott Card . . . .
by Big Ten Joe on Apr 21, 2008 4:39 PM EDT reply actions
What the fuck are you talking about?
We’re talking about unchecked aggression here…
I’m talking about drawing a line in the sand."
This aggression will not stand, Orson.
by Brian O'Blivion on Apr 21, 2008 4:41 PM EDT reply actions
as a michigan fan, i find the tressel / big house mortgage line highly offensive…and the best fucking line i’ve read today.
it hurts like hell, but only because it’s true. a thousand cocktails to you, sir. help yourself to mangino’s champagne.
by matty blue on Apr 21, 2008 4:47 PM EDT reply actions
Put it back Swindle! Free legal representation here if we can pigeon hole it into one of the states I’m licensed in (unfortunately, Georgia is not one of them. Nor is Kansas).
by Vol on Apr 21, 2008 4:51 PM EDT reply actions
We took it down for the same reason we’ve taken down many photos in the past: someone very nicely asked us to take it down, it belonged to them, and we obliged. There’s no way to find it now. Gone forever. Yep.
by Orson Swindle on Apr 21, 2008 5:10 PM EDT reply actions
Oh Boy yous in some kinda trouble now….just by viewing that pic…it looks like a Mafia Funeral Home if you asked me….kinda like 6 Feet Under meets the Sopranos vibe to it….there is always a 1) Dead Body and 2) a bottle of wine always on ice in the Mangino’s
Serenity Gardens, your one stop shopping for Wine and Weeping
by Mr Pelican Pants on Apr 21, 2008 5:28 PM EDT reply actions
If Mangino ever called me a “Hot dog”, my ass would be running.
by sonofsamford on Apr 21, 2008 6:11 PM EDT reply actions
Orson, you did the right thing, demonstrating good manners in response to a polite request and then satirizing the absurdity of that request. 100 cocktails to you, sir.
As an Atlanta-area attorney whose professional goal is one day to be the Tom Hagen of Swindle Industries, I really wish you’d done the wrong thing and called me, but, hey, I can’t fault you for your prudence and decency, no matter how counterproductive your sterling character traits are for me professionally.
Then again, it probably wouldn’t have worked out, anyway. I could’ve stuck a whole horse’s corpse in Mark Mangino’s bed and it would have been three or four weeks before he happened to notice he’d rolled over on top of it.
by T. Kyle King on Apr 21, 2008 9:04 PM EDT reply actions
Kyle—
We believe mortadella is, in traditional Italian style at least, made from horse meat.
That head wouldn’t stay in Mangino’s bed long.
by Orson Swindle on Apr 21, 2008 9:23 PM EDT reply actions
Whats great about all this,is the fact you can put Mark Mangino’s street address from a previous post, Google it, and get the Google Street Map view, and check out the sweet white Nissan Armada or Lincoln Navigator sittin on what looks like 22’s in the driveway…you can also type the address in on Google and get the name of said Realtor from a Yahoo Real Estate site…..and alas, the Virtual Tour of the home has been taken down for some unknown reason…..
I would have never guessed Mangino to be a DUB man, but I guess it makes sense if your haulin that much ass around, I bet that leather smells like sweaty ammonia, especially the drivers seat…..
by Mr Pelican Pants on Apr 22, 2008 12:19 AM EDT reply actions
Mr. PP – I applaud your research on the odors of ass-crack sweat on leather.
by Out of Conference on Apr 22, 2008 10:11 AM EDT reply actions
Hey I work with a guy who gives Mangino a run for his money weight -wise…. I know that no one rides with him in his SUV just for that particular reason, especially in the summertime in the south, and this guy works an office job, imagine a fat coach in a velour track suit after a hard days work…….he could never sell that SUV, I promise…and lets not get into the farts that have been absorbed into seat foam…..
by Mr Pelican Pants on Apr 22, 2008 11:08 AM EDT reply actions
Mr. PP I sent Gerry Dorsey a youtube link to a Doom version of Rick Rolled by mistake. I think it was you I meant to send it to because you had the funny rick rolled links a few Fridays ago when Orson as holding out on the cheesecake. All you Bama fans look alike to me.
by Out of Conference on Apr 22, 2008 1:12 PM EDT reply actions
Let the record reflect that the above Mangino-splosion occurred after a pretty amazing run for a TD. Wow, congrats on taking it to the house, now go get your ass chewed out by coach…
by Joe on Apr 22, 2008 2:40 PM EDT reply actions
Comments For This Post Are Closed
Secondary Sidebar
FanPosts
Community blog posts and discussion.
Certain photos copyright © 2010 by Associated Press or Getty Images. Any commercial use or distribution without the express written consent of Associated Press and Getty Images is strictly prohibited.
