Steve Spurrier is not Joe Paterno, because Steve Spurrier uses a computer, will take his shirt off and ride a bike around campus, and has not had to run off the field to avoid crapping his pants. All of these things can be said of homeless men living on Ponce de Leon Avenue, as well. (Judging from the library’s homeless/non-homeless reader ratio, the homeless are the Bohemian scholars of our day, until you realize they’re all voraciously reading Auto Trader and People.) But pulling the nepotism card while falling into mediocrity definitely makes you Paterno-esque. Brian is cold, heartless, and mean–but he is rarely wrong.


When he gets the adult-trike with the basket on the front: THEN he’s JoePa.

Picture Me Rollin’ has an interview with Ian Rapoport, the reporter who set off Nick Saban with a question about the Tide’s scholarship limit. Rappaport then challenged Nick Saban to a fight! And they ripped each other’s scalps off and slapped each other with them like they were silk gloves OMG!!!!111. Or, the press conference ended abruptly with an emotional answer and an awkward silence, much like your last date, single people. Rapoport is the mature media type about the whole thing:

When we discussed “the question”, Ian told me that, there again, the taped segment didn’t show the whole story. Ian insists that Saban had a crack of a grin as he was going through his answer and also that he was joking after he left the podium. He also indicated that because of his belief that Saban really does care about his players that the answer to “the question” must be very complex. He said otherwise he would have just given a quick answer but out of caring about the outcome he seems to be troubled by it and that is what Ian took away from the encounter.

Ian’s very mature. A scalp-slapping contest would have been a better ending, of course, but that’s reality for you.

Our new rallying cry! Syracuse football continues to celebrate the little things:

“The most important thing is that we got out of here with no one getting hurt,” Robinson announced over the Dome’s public address system.

Dick Vermeil will end up crying over this whole thing before it is over. Mark our words.

Missing from the Aggies’s spring game: one 900 pound running back. Jorvorskie Lane did not participate in the spring game this past weekend, either because he had some kind of issue, is miffed over being moved to the fullback spot full-time in Mike Sherman’s new offense, or to save the structural pounding the stadium takes when he runs and shakes the lighting towers.

Or perhaps he’s just in musth.

Ape, baby, you have taken the red pill. A belated congratulations to the demented brain sitting atop the hairy, drag-knuckled frame of Christmas Ape for getting dooced by the Washington Post for his work on KSK. (Me rike!) Welcome to the Floating World full-time.