MUSTACHE OF THE DAY: GAY ZORRO
Our mustache of the day goes to: George Hamilton in Zorro, The Gay Blade.
Happy Mustache Wednesday, motherfuckers!
April 16, 2008
THANKS, ATNOINE
Jokes, writing themselves. Us, standing back and trying not to ruin them.
Senior permanent captain Antoine Caldwell had his name misspelled in the cement along with the other Crimson Tide captains from years past. So now you can look and find Kenny Stabler, Johnny Musso, John Hannah and Atnoine Caldwell.
Oh, there are pictures, and they’re better than photoshop.
HOUSTON NUTT’S DAUGHTER LOVES ZAC EFRON
This is Haven Nutt, Ole Miss coach Houston Nutt’s daughter. When you post something like this, you have to remind people that when you post something on the internet, or in any digital medium, really, it’s public and out there, even if it’s you drunk on camera (again) talking about your fondness for the drinks at gay bars, or doing the Needham Hex, or Most Definitely Not Looking Gay In Public At All. If you don’t want it out there, don’t put it up.
With that said, it’s a totally innocuous and funny crush-vid made by a teenage girl about Zac Efron, and aside from some intentionally atrocious lyrics, it’s a sign that Houston Nutt is doing everything right as a parent, and that Haven really, really likes Zac Efron. She likes Zac Efron, and would like him to take his shirt off before she rots.
And word for word, we feel the exact same way about Zac Efron I mean, Beyonce Knowles. Make her happy, Jay, you filthy rich bastard! (HT: Friends of the Program.)
FULMER CUP: MISSOURI POUNCES FORWARD
Missouri lineman Austin Wuebbels deserves some credit, at least. Though caught with marijuana, a pipe, and beer in the car at 3 in the morning this Sunday, how did our man do on the sobriety test administered to him at the jail after his arrest?
After he was taken to the police station, Wuebbels successfully passed a sobriety test.
Give it up! He failed the possession exam, but THAT’S AN A IN SOBRIETY, PEOPLE!
Wuebbels was about to get off with merely a warning when police noticed him grabbing at something under the dash, a classic example of not living the smooth, baby. Police then found the weed, the pipe, and the booze in the car, presumably factors in why anyone would end up awake and speeding around a smallish town in Missouri at three in the morning. Wuebbels ended up charged with suspicion of possession of less than 35 grams of marijuana, possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of alcohol by a minor and false identification, all misdemeanors.
Even with the misdemeanor tag, that’s four points for the Missouri Tigers, who with three point-heavy arrests have tallied 20 points before the end of the spring semester in taking the lead in the Fulmer Cup. And for that, they deserve shame-claps a-plenty from the audience.
CURIOUS INDEX, 4/16/08
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Is Army going to run the bone? And if they are, as this article guesses, will they have the brutal downfield blocking demostrated by these young gridiron warrior/poets? We encourage this move and support its existence heartily. Especially the three-card monte handoff fake sequence on run plays. That never fails to crack us up. UCLA ditches a whole practice, causing outrage generators everywhere to spike. Brian Dohn of the L.A. Daily News starts: Rather than continue the process of learning a new offense and working toward improvement, UCLA’s football players, led by its senior class, elected to blow off Tuesday’s practice. Or Brian Grummell over at Das Fanhaus: In one swift act, Neuheisel willingly undermined himself before his players, his coaches and the lifeblood of any program: recruits. Nice work. Oh, and that’s just about the most pathetic school tradition I’ve ever heard of. The NCAA limits the hours and number of practices schools can arrange, so for UCLA to be wasting a practice like that is troubling. Gutty Little Bruins didn’t seem to care–deeming the whole thing “AWESOME”– In all of this, we’re reminded that Jim Grobe at Wake Forest didn’t even use all of his allotted days of spring practice last year. Oh, and Neuheisel may petition the NCAA to get that practice day back. Good luck explaining that one, counselor. Pat White will get the push as a Heisman candidate from the West Virginia coaching staff. No pressure, sir. Mark Sanchez officially gets the nod as the starting qb at USC. Shelley Smith just awoke and switched into stalk mode, tapping mutely at the glowing electrodes in the side of her head and rising from her rest pod somewhere beneath Bristol. Brennan Carroll, Office Special Teams Coach. It’s OPS on that Tussin, or something like it. He doesn’t have a whistle, he just says whistle. |
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CATLAB: THE CATLABBENING
We rarely pre-empt the Curious Index. Today, there is a reason. Read on, because Holly found something majestic.
Raise ya glasses, shake ya asses, Vol Nation: For unto us is given this day that greatest of football blogosphere treasures—a Catlab masterpiece of our very own. It’s like staring into the sun, but it’ll get you drunk. Behold:
Have you ever seen anything ring so true? I’m about 85% sure the guy holding the pennant is my cousin Maxie. Had this wondrous creation hatched just a scant few days earlier, we would’ve been hard-pressed not to scrap the Tennessee list entirely—because this is, perfectly encapsulated, what Orange And White People Like.
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