FULMER CUP: "AN INCIDENT" AT PITT

by Orson on Apr 15, 2008 12:48 PM EDT

The fun at Pitt we alluded to yesterday begins to emerge piece-by-piece. In fact, the facts are so sketchy at this point that the fact-ish types at The Pitt News can't even confirm that Sherod Murdock, a redshirt freshman safety suspended from the football team indefinitely yesterday, was the player involved in the "incident." Fortunately, we are strictly about "truthiness," and one of our crack sources reports that the incident went something like this:

Murdock gets into a hellacious fight at the Delta Tau Delta frat house: him, some of the o-line versus frat guys. This goes as well as could be expected. We like to imagine it looked a lot like this, except with Mario wearing shower sandals and carrying a Coors Light in hand. (Pitt? Okay, an Imp 'n Arn.)

Die, motherfucker, die!

So, primitive strength display concluded and Smash Brothers brawl concluded (frat boys kicked into bottomless pits everywhere yay!,) Murdock returns to dorms with gallons of surplus testosterone surging through his system, and decides that all should hear of his exploits, his intention to kill anyone who crosses his path, and demonstrate it in a clear fashion that everyone here could easily understand. From our source:

Murdock (Yoshi---ed.) was running through the halls wearing only his boxers wielding a three-foot machete screaming "I'll kill all you motherfuckers". He had blood all over his face and hands from the earlier fight at the Delta Tau Delta fraternity house. The Wannstache was woken up from his home and brought to the scene to talk the player down before they had to send in SWAT, which they did.

That is a pissed off shirtless turtle/dinosaur there. Maybe Pitt stands a chance in the Big East this year after all, if Murdoch's this fired up after a simple frat fight. (And really, how much more opposition will Syracuse offer than Delta Tau Delta?) And even if the three-foot machete turns out to be a merely normal knife as it did in the case of Penn State's Chris Bell, the question remains: just how distorted a picture of their own security do athletes have? You're already one and a half times the size of most people around you and easily twice as strong in most cases. You live on heavily patrolled campuses, and usually travel in groups.

Do you somehow still feel threatened, campus athlete? If so, we have a bazooka with a bayonet and taser attachment we'd be happy to help you. It's the balls.

Points to be awarded as soon charges of any sort are pressed. We would like you to know that we're typing this covered in blood and wearing boxers, but only because we're in the mood for love, not because we want to kill all you motherfuckers.

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Comments

Makes me long for the days of people shooting off assault rifles in apartment complexes. Has the whole world gone crazy?! Those were the days…

by AlanInDC on Apr 15, 2008 12:54 PM EDT reply actions

Most of the guys in my fraternity placed their used shower sandals next to their pistols, rifles, and shotguns before turning in at night. That’s one lucky-to-be-alive motherfucker.

by Allahver Fist on Apr 15, 2008 1:04 PM EDT reply actions

Ah the age old “drunk frat guys v. high athletes fight.” Its a staple really, and sadly this one just went a little far.

by Brian on Apr 15, 2008 1:07 PM EDT reply actions

Residents of PA,
See what happens when you cling to machetes?

by NDTom on Apr 15, 2008 1:08 PM EDT reply actions

Murdock must be “bitter.”

by socalbryan on Apr 15, 2008 1:10 PM EDT reply actions

Boxers? Really? Unless they were decorated with little hearts from a Valentine party, … Do young guys really wear boxers? I mean, I have a pair of Scooby-do boxers, but they’re for special occasions.

Of course, any time you attack a Delta house is a special occasion, but ….

by Sundawg on Apr 15, 2008 1:16 PM EDT reply actions

If the Wannstache throws this kid off the team, somewhere out there Jerry Tarkanian will be waiting with a basketball scholarship.

http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9D06EED7123DF935A25751C1A96E958260

by DevilGrad on Apr 15, 2008 1:19 PM EDT reply actions

Frat boys play Halo, WWII games, and Madden, not Smash Bros. Has it really been that long since college, Orson?

(checks FAQ page)

Oh, never mind.

by Dave on Apr 15, 2008 1:24 PM EDT reply actions

Mario kinda looks like the Wannstache….except wiser.

by paco on Apr 15, 2008 1:26 PM EDT reply actions

Note: I have no room to talk; I have owned Smash Bros Brawl since about 15 minutes after it released.

by Dave on Apr 15, 2008 1:27 PM EDT reply actions

SSBB is a sick addiction and I’m afraid to admit that my favorite fighter is Kirby because that mofo-pink-balloon-dude just keeps on winnin’…

by Kahuna on Apr 15, 2008 1:38 PM EDT reply actions

Ahhh, to return to the days of excess beer, intoxicated= frat-boys, and athletes intent on being invited…takes me back to Emmitt Smith and his boys (pre-Fulmer cup) at the Florida Delt (that’s “Delt”, not “Delta”, #6) House and the campus cops joining the fun…where I was actually wearing boxers that had been confiscated from an ADPi only moments earlier… I feel robbed of a memory including Emmitt, bloody in boxers, with a machete…mine only concluded with a return to “night putting” and the ultimate return of said boxers.

Delta Tau Delta! Rah, Rah, Fuck! (must be sung loudly and proudly…damn, I must be the only Florida Delt on this blog)

by sb on Apr 15, 2008 1:50 PM EDT reply actions

Sundawg – word is they had yodas and shit…

by spartanmike on Apr 15, 2008 1:51 PM EDT reply actions

What? I thought everybody wanted defensive backs who are headhunters?

by Govemit Cheese on Apr 15, 2008 2:12 PM EDT reply actions

what I really want to know is: who ended up on double secret probation for all this?

by NDTom on Apr 15, 2008 2:25 PM EDT reply actions

Should have used King Dedede and his hammer.

by El Hombre on Apr 15, 2008 2:39 PM EDT reply actions

Nick Saban thinks the Pittsburgh SWAT team discriminatingly targets naked, bloody, machete-wielding football players.

by BovineKid on Apr 15, 2008 2:45 PM EDT reply actions

i’m assuming that if all of this pans out as true, that he’ll get a bonus for the machete, another bonus point for being in his underroos covered in blood, and yet another bonus point for the swat team? i’d hate to see so much style stuck with just one style point…

and here’s the difference between football players and basketball players:
football players stomp on frat boys, go home covered in blood, grab a machete and threaten to kill all you motherfuckers

basketball players are denied entrance to a frat party, kick down the back door, and then one phone call to kelvin sampson later and they’re outside putting up another backdoor (true story from my fratastic days at OU—in hindsight, probably the only decent thing sampson ever did)

by okiedomer on Apr 15, 2008 2:47 PM EDT reply actions

#15…the Florida Delts received the DSP…but the act which propelled them from Gainesville was not a busted parade, but self-castration of a pledge with a circular saw…you just can’t make this stuff up!

by sb on Apr 15, 2008 2:49 PM EDT reply actions

It’s obvious there was not enough love and discipline in Mr. Murdock’s life.

by Dan Hawkins on Apr 15, 2008 2:57 PM EDT reply actions

Murdock was definately in Business…

Well I’m in business. Business of kicking your ass. And let me tell you… business is booming. I’m open for business. Business is giving you the business… up your butt. Did you hear me say that?

by skinnyphatman on Apr 15, 2008 2:58 PM EDT reply actions

Does anybody ever think football players from around the country engage in a giant game of fuckup poker?

I’d say Mr. Murdock is all in. Your bet Ryan Perrilloux…

by Billy in Baton Rouge on Apr 15, 2008 3:04 PM EDT reply actions

Question…

Why do football players go to frat parties? Free beer? Sorority girls? Can’t they get all the girls they want in bars?

I’m just curious…

by blon57 on Apr 15, 2008 3:30 PM EDT reply actions

Sorry, sb, I learned everything I know about fraternaties from Animal House.

by Sundawg on Apr 15, 2008 3:56 PM EDT reply actions

Eat shit, pitt.

by paco on Apr 15, 2008 3:58 PM EDT reply actions

For all the attention fraternity guys get for our bad apples (as always, I thank God this wasn’t a Sigma Chi party), athletes (particularly football players) can be an even bigger bunch of douchebags. They know, we know, and they know we know that public opinion will go in their favor if something happens between them and us, so they pretty much do whatever the hell they want.

by This Guy on Apr 15, 2008 4:14 PM EDT reply actions

#24…no problem…and a good source…alot of inspiration in that movie…

by sb on Apr 15, 2008 4:29 PM EDT reply actions

Personally, I learned everything I know about frats and those who populate them from the “Frat Aliens” episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

Dude, my dad owns a dealership.

by El Hombre on Apr 15, 2008 5:57 PM EDT reply actions

19 – didn’t that guy sue the fraternity and everyone else for that incident? That’s at least what I heard. I’ve heard so many versions of that incident, I have no idea what’s true.

by Brian O'Blivion on Apr 15, 2008 5:58 PM EDT reply actions

This could easily have been avoided if Murdock picked Solid Snake. I’m pretty sure he’d have killed all the fraternity members with grenades, mines, and Judo chokes and evaded the SWAT team by hiding in a cardboard box.

by Marshawn Lynch's Injury Cart on Apr 15, 2008 8:32 PM EDT reply actions

#29, there was a law suit but I have heard there was no fraternity liability found, thus no satisfaction for the eun…,uh, the poor, castrated individual…the arch chapter shut DTD down for other reasons…non-payment of annual fees, lack of responsibility for the house, etc…

Then there was the Midnight Tide Slide…in the dining room…with some Zetas…naked…geez…these zany kids and their shenanigans…

by sb on Apr 16, 2008 9:20 AM EDT reply actions

Murdock was not at the fight at DTD. This “incident” with him actually happened earlier in the night, the even at DTD later on.

by pittSTUDent on Apr 16, 2008 1:47 PM EDT reply actions

I graduated at Pitt in ’05 and this similar situation once happened while i was at Pika (next to Sutherland), I was not in the fraternity though. Lets just say that when the frat boys ran out the front door they each got dropped to the concrete and the majority of them got taken out in ambulances.

by Shane on Apr 16, 2008 2:17 PM EDT reply actions

How you gonna lose a fight where you prolly have the guys outnnumbered at least 3-1…

Anyway, we used to have fights like this on my campus, except I went to a small school where my band of Delts actually beat the hell outta the football team…

Hopefully the Panthers use that aggression on Iowa and the rest of the schedule.

by big snack on Apr 16, 2008 7:44 PM EDT reply actions

This story is 100% true, except for one inaccuracy – Murdock got his ass kicked in that fraternity house. That’s why he spent 2 days in the hospital. Talk about embarassing.

by Ricky on Apr 18, 2008 12:41 AM EDT reply actions

To elaborate on my last post, Murdock gets his ass kicked in the frat house and tossed out. He’s embarassed, so he runs to his dorm, grabs the machette, and goes ape shit in the hallway in nothing but his gutchies, threatening to kill everyone on the floor. He spent time in the hospital due to the injuries sustained in the fight. That’s the only version of the story going around campus and in the Pittsburgh media. He’s only like 190 lbs, so if he messed w/ one of the bigger frat kids or a frat kid that plays rugby, wrestling, or lacrosse or something like that, it’d definitely believable that he’d get his ass kicked.

by Ricky on Apr 18, 2008 12:55 AM EDT reply actions