Keyboard Guy Wants Your Love. And the microphone, if turbo-schlub lead singer will ever let him have it.

Notre Dame’s smells like clove, baby powder, and money. The Blue and Gold game this year is sponsored by…Adidas deodorant. (Make your own reeking joke here.) El Kabong is not happy, but he smells great while doing it. Meanwhile: Christ calls Notre Dame the Wal-Mart of football!

Nebraska’s spring game is more popular than meth, but not quite as popular as weed…yet. This remains true if you compare market prices, at least: Nebraska’s spring game is commanding prices of $95 a ticket from brokers, meaning Nebraska fans may even top the 80,000+ turnout of Alabama fans for the spring game. (On replays last night, to the untrained eye, Bryant-Denny looked to be in midseason form, albeit in one of those UL-M gimmes. With the notable difference that Alabama won this game..)

Florida’s national championship trophy shattered during a recruiting visit, a gaffe that must boost your chances of getting a scholarship. Florida will order another one from the factory in Kentucky as a replacement. T. Boone Pickens is enraged at discovering you could actually just buy a trophy, as opposed to having to go through all this hiring, firing, and building bullshit he’s been trying at Oklahoma State.

Joel has a pop quiz for the Orange and White game, and it’s clever as always.

TAX DAY! Happy birthday to Weo, who always helps us remember his birthday with “Death, Taxes, and Me.”