Brian, who is hung like Reggie F’n Nelson, brings us the Big Board again this week. Notes, invitations to join us for most glorious bearish Russian kettlebell workouts, and refusals to correct follow below.

Notes, corrections, clarifications and obfuscations:

PENDING: MASSIVE POINTS FOR PITT. It allegedly involves a SWAT team, meaning the vaunted Wannstache recruiting charm extends not only to talented humans, but to whatever rough beast requires a SWAT team to remove him from a dorm.

Colorado bumps up another three points and places themselves in the thick of this trailer-park brawl with the arrest of Jake Duren, linebacker, for breaking into a car on campus this past weekend. Duren had just had an outstanding spring scrimmage, so in order to celebrate, he did the logical thing:

Duren, according to CU Police Cmdr. Brad Wiesley, was found bloody and smelling of alcohol in a hallway of a family housing complex near the campus. Duren, his hand bloodied, apparently had broken into a vehicle in the complex parking lot, Wiesley said.

Duren does not live in the complex, and Wiesley said Sunday night that campus police do not know why he was there.

“Found bloody and smelling of alcohol:” The subtitle for our autobiography, ranking right up there with “And now I am filled with shame” for the winner’s spot in that contest. Duren was immediately booted from the team by Dan Hawkins, who surely noted the youngster’s shorting on discipline and love early in life whilst tossing his locker contents into a cardboard box.

Extra bonus SMRT: how did the police link him to the scene of the crime? Duren left a trail of blood behind him.

As spectacular as accosting your teammate with a knife is, the charges remain surprisingly paltry:

Bell, 21, was arraigned before District Judge Daniel Hoffman on numerous charges, including terroristic threats, simple assault, recklessly endangering another person, disorderly conduct and harassment. He was jailed, with bail set at $50,000.

All of the charges are misdemeanors, leaving us with five points on five charges. Even with one bonus point for the spectacularly stupid nature of the crime, the max we can award here is six points. For the perverse Penn State fan hoping for more points here, you should be ashamed. (And, um, no, you can’t have any.)

Anyone’s game at this point. True, boldfaced header: it is anyone’s game. We seriously, seriously doubt Missouri can rack up more points this season. (If they do, the “Pinkel Cup” has no ring to it.)