FULMER CUPDATE: BUFFALO STAMPEDE!
by Orson on Apr 14, 2008 1:29 PM EDT
Email
PrintBrian, who is hung like Reggie F'n Nelson, brings us the Big Board again this week. Notes, invitations to join us for most glorious bearish Russian kettlebell workouts, and refusals to correct follow below.
Notes, corrections, clarifications and obfuscations:
PENDING: MASSIVE POINTS FOR PITT. It allegedly involves a SWAT team, meaning the vaunted Wannstache recruiting charm extends not only to talented humans, but to whatever rough beast requires a SWAT team to remove him from a dorm.
Colorado bumps up another three points and places themselves in the thick of this trailer-park brawl with the arrest of Jake Duren, linebacker, for breaking into a car on campus this past weekend. Duren had just had an outstanding spring scrimmage, so in order to celebrate, he did the logical thing:
Duren, according to CU Police Cmdr. Brad Wiesley, was found bloody and smelling of alcohol in a hallway of a family housing complex near the campus. Duren, his hand bloodied, apparently had broken into a vehicle in the complex parking lot, Wiesley said.
Duren does not live in the complex, and Wiesley said Sunday night that campus police do not know why he was there.
"Found bloody and smelling of alcohol:" The subtitle for our autobiography, ranking right up there with "And now I am filled with shame" for the winner's spot in that contest. Duren was immediately booted from the team by Dan Hawkins, who surely noted the youngster's shorting on discipline and love early in life whilst tossing his locker contents into a cardboard box.
Extra bonus SMRT: how did the police link him to the scene of the crime? Duren left a trail of blood behind him.
As spectacular as accosting your teammate with a knife is, the charges remain surprisingly paltry:
Bell, 21, was arraigned before District Judge Daniel Hoffman on numerous charges, including terroristic threats, simple assault, recklessly endangering another person, disorderly conduct and harassment. He was jailed, with bail set at $50,000.
All of the charges are misdemeanors, leaving us with five points on five charges. Even with one bonus point for the spectacularly stupid nature of the crime, the max we can award here is six points. For the perverse Penn State fan hoping for more points here, you should be ashamed. (And, um, no, you can't have any.)
Anyone's game at this point. True, boldfaced header: it is anyone's game. We seriously, seriously doubt Missouri can rack up more points this season. (If they do, the "Pinkel Cup" has no ring to it.)
29 comments
|
0 recs |
Do you like this story?
Comments
Dammit, what about Bethune-Cookman’s backup QB and his string of felonies including attempted murder and cocaine possession?
Don’t ignore the small schools, Lawya!
by Sundawg on Apr 14, 2008 1:42 PM EDT reply actions
The halfway point in the Fulmer Cup is in two weeks. This has been a warmup to the summer fun that is ahead of us. Look for Penn State, Illinois and Michigan to have a big second half charge. Remember folks, they haven’t seen the good felony weather yet. West Virginia looks solid and won’t fold down the stretch like they do in their games. Tennessee will keep the SEC proud. It ain’t the Fulmer Cup for nothin’!
by Crabapple Buck on Apr 14, 2008 1:46 PM EDT reply actions
Agree with sundawg. Even though they’re not div 1, we should at least calc a point total. Trafficking cocaine within 1000 ft of a school should not be ignored!
by jds on Apr 14, 2008 1:52 PM EDT reply actions
Fitting that Tenn-uh-see is the only ess-eee-see school representing at the present time. Apparently the rest of us are moving too fast for the cops to catch us.
by zzgator on Apr 14, 2008 1:54 PM EDT reply actions
Damn. Caleb King and the rest of the Dawgs are gonna have to rack up a whole lot of scooter miles to even hope to catch up with this bunch.
by Doug on Apr 14, 2008 2:02 PM EDT reply actions
not quite, zzgator. bama, arkansas and miss. state are all included in that four-way tie for tenth. that’s plenty good placement for a second-half breakout.
by kleph on Apr 14, 2008 2:03 PM EDT reply actions
Maybe Dr. Tebow is performing lobotomies on the Gators to keep them in line…..whatever it takes!
by hobeg8r on Apr 14, 2008 2:04 PM EDT reply actions
Sundawg: he already covered it here, in item #3: http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/2008/04/10/curious-index-41008/
Athletes on non I-A schools are ineligible for the Fulmer Cup.
by Dave on Apr 14, 2008 2:08 PM EDT reply actions
Thanks for the expanded list kleph…just goes to show you how far the state has fallen in the CFB ranks…Gators at the bottom and nary a point in sight (yet) for the co-canes or the crimi-noles. Sigh.
by zzgator on Apr 14, 2008 2:09 PM EDT reply actions
also, that’s a slightly old list – it’s dated march 28 – so the individual placements might have changed a bit since.
by kleph on Apr 14, 2008 2:12 PM EDT reply actions
The Big XII North: fighting our inferiority complex to the South by getting arrested!
by El Hombre on Apr 14, 2008 2:13 PM EDT reply actions
“Dan Hawkins, who surely noted the youngsters shorting on discipline and love early in life whilst tossing his locker contents into a cardboard box.”
Nicely played sir, 10 cocktails to you.
by Pirate_mate on Apr 14, 2008 2:28 PM EDT reply actions
Pittsburgh + SWAT = PCP!!! Kinda like nekkid vehicle surfing but without the mullet and Skoal. http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/2008/04/08/theyre-tough-in-pennsyltucky/
by paco on Apr 14, 2008 2:36 PM EDT reply actions
My trainer had me doing those Turkish Getups last week with 25kg kettle bells. Not that difficult really
by Derrick on Apr 14, 2008 2:42 PM EDT reply actions
Thanks Dave, my bad.
What’s a small school got to do around here to get a little respect, beat a powerhouse like Michigan or Alabama?
Oh, wait …
by Sundawg on Apr 14, 2008 3:19 PM EDT reply actions
Dave, from the link you gave, Orson said:
“Well update, as we may just deem this worthy of an Ellis T. Jones III award for individual achievement. "
I look at this sort of like the MNC and the Heisman. Alcorn State wasn’t eligible to compete for the MNC, but Steve McNair was certainly eligible to compete for the Heisman.
by FisheriesDawg on Apr 14, 2008 3:38 PM EDT reply actions
Crabapple, from what it sounds like Michigan’s players are getting worked so hard on S&C compared to before that most of them are probably too exhausted to get into any trouble. That, and half the team were either seniors, left for the draft, or quit. Too bad, Alex Mitchell might have been good for an angry threatening demand for Krazy Jim’s Blimpie Burger to make him a sack of 10 quintuples with bacon, cheese and fried egg on the house after the frustration of having a conditioning program that isn’t “Go eat a whole pizza every night, son.”*
*actual method of putting weight on a player used at least once during the previous coaching administration
by Yinka Double Dare on Apr 14, 2008 3:44 PM EDT reply actions
The Dawgs go nearly 25 years without doing anything, discover black jerseys and Evil Richt, then start talking smack? What is the world coming to?
by Ivory Tusk on Apr 14, 2008 3:51 PM EDT reply actions
Tusker, 25 years without doing anything? While you were planning your next dynasty, we took down the Berlin wall and invented the internet, which is a system of tubes …..
Actually, the wall was a Tech project that was poorly planned and constructed.
by Sundawg on Apr 14, 2008 4:31 PM EDT reply actions
The only system of tubes invented in Athens involves golf course irrigation.
by gosouthgohard on Apr 14, 2008 4:47 PM EDT reply actions
What about Nebraska’s DE recruit Josh Williams being arrested for a felony offense? Punched (although this is disputed by some) and robbed a guy in his car of $900
by AWOL on Apr 14, 2008 5:24 PM EDT reply actions
Damn. All this adds up to only 12 points? It looks so much bigger when written out:
Duren’s arrest follows a raft of problems other CU football players have run into since January.
In March, tight end Riar Geer was arrested on suspicion of assaulting two men.
The day before Geer’s arrest, linebacker Lynn Katoa turned himself in on suspicion that he assaulted a student at a party in February.
Both players were suspended.
In January, linebacker Nate Vaiomounga was charged with criminal mischief on suspicion that he broke a window in a residence hall. On the same night, fullback Kai Maiava was ticketed with underage possession and consumption of alcohol.
Vaiomounga also was charged with underage possession and consumption of alcohol in February.
Plati said Vaiomounga and Maiava were disciplined and are practicing with the team.
by JTG on Apr 14, 2008 6:33 PM EDT reply actions
About the Penn State points: “including” from that article means “including but not limited to” for the purposes of point counting.
According to the Daily Collegian, Penn State’s student paper:
http://www.collegian.psu.edu/archive/2008/04/08/bell_off_team_after_alleged_kn.aspx
“The incident, which yielded no injuries, brought charges of terroristic threats, simple assault, recklessly endangering another person, two counts of disorderly conduct and two counts of harassment for Bell, who was arraigned last night before Centre County District Judge Daniel Hoffman.”
That’s seven charges right there, plus a bonus point for “style.” (I’m just saying.)
by Zombie JoePa on Apr 15, 2008 10:25 AM EDT reply actions
Comments For This Post Are Closed
Secondary Sidebar
User Tools
FanPosts
Community blog posts and discussion.
Certain photos copyright © 2012 by Associated Press or Getty Images. Any commercial use or distribution without the express written consent of Associated Press and Getty Images is strictly prohibited.
