CORRECTIONS 4/11/08
by Holly Anderson on Apr 11, 2008 12:27 PM EDT
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PrintMistakes: we make 'em. The corrections for the week of 4/11/08 follow.
Serbian, not Macedonian.
In a news bulletin last Monday, we stated that Penn State head coach Joe Paterno has retained the services of a Madeconian organized crime enforcer, Anton Yiminev, to ensure his players adhere to strict disciplinary guidelines for the remainder of the offseason. Mister Yiminev is from Serbia. We regret the error.
On Tuesday, we covered the story of a tiny stray dog named Winkie. Winkie was found under an overpass, encrusted with filth and malnourished to a frightening degree. Winkie has also lost a leg, was frightened of thunder, and demonstrated stress-related incontinence and heartworm. EDSBS apologizes for misidentifying Winkie, whose actual name is "The Temple Football Program." We regret the error.
Texas DC Will Muschamp was quoted Wednesday as telling straggling safeties their tears tasted "like hot buttered taffy." Mr. Muschamp's assertion was, in fact, that the tears tasted "like hot buttered titties." We regret the error.
On Tuesday, We referred to the founding date of the University of Kansas as 1865. This was an inaccuracy; the University of Kansas was founded in 832 B.C. by a band of passionately intellectual Cantonese monks with horrific senses of direction. This explains the Kansan tradition of eating barbecued dogs on sunny Wednesdays and the cheer "Rock Chalk Jayhawk," which comes from the Cantonese "Rok Chok Jai Hok, roughly translated as "Next time bring a fucking compass, turtle egg bastardman."
An interview with Clemson coach Tommy Bowden in Sunday's CFB Style section listed his favorite television show as "Baywatch". Coach Bowden's favorite program is "Baywatch Nights."
A feature on spring practice highlights listed the only touchdown of Florida's final scrimmage as being thrown by Cameron Newton. The touchdown was actually thrown by Broadway star Carol Channing, who then delighted onlookers with a rousing rendition of Hello, Dolly. We regret the error.
Former Tennessee quarterback Casey Clausen was not, as we reported Tuesday morning, found dead of autoerotic asphyxiation in a Gatlinburg motel room. Mr. Clausen currently sells insurance in his native state of California. We regret the error.
Yesterday on this site, we published a speculative piece on Pete Carroll's sudden need for batteries. Additional research has determined that the batteries are, in fact, a vital piece of the freshman conditioning program at USC.
We regret the error. The goldfish regrets not hiding in the plastic treasure chest in the pet shop aquarium.
On Wednesday, in our interview with BYU legend and Heisman Winner Ty Detmer, we identified the interviewee as "Ty Detmer, BYU Legend and Heisman winner." In actuality, in the interview took place between Orson Swindle and Leonard "T-Money" Jerrell, a sketchy black dude who hangs out at the Citgo at the corner of Atlanta Road and Dekalb Avenue in Decatur, GA. Ty Detmer does not approve of your ass, ma'am, or at least because he has not seen it, though he is sure that it is a fine ass, if a bit large for his taste. Nor does he identify his chief interests as "ballin, and runnin' this shit like the Dean of the Dec, lawya." Ty Detmer has no wish to Ball or Run Shit. We regret the error.
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Here I thought THIS was the origin of the Rock Chalk chant. Your explanation makes much more sense: http://www.kuhistory.com/proto/story.asp?id=85
by twogreattastes on Apr 11, 2008 12:34 PM EDT reply actions
Holly, you wrote this? Outstanding!
Uh-Oh….
by hunglikehussain on Apr 11, 2008 12:41 PM EDT reply actions
Just don’t make the mistake of failing to post Friday Cheesecake this week!!!!!!!
by Last Dragon on Apr 11, 2008 12:50 PM EDT reply actions
I wrote half of it, not including the Eastern Promises bit, Jeebsy, swear.
by Holly on Apr 11, 2008 1:00 PM EDT reply actions
The Clausen item reminded me of an old correction in The Onion something along the lines of, “In a story printed last week, the name of Dr. Charles Anderson was accidentally misspelled C-H-I-L-D M-O-L-E-S-T-E-R. We regret the error and any inconvenience it may have caused.”
At any rate, if Casey does go before his time, obviously it’ll happen as a result of hair-gel combustion.
by Doug on Apr 11, 2008 1:06 PM EDT reply actions
He really does sell insurance. I didn’t make that up. [uncontrollable spasms of laughter]
by Holly on Apr 11, 2008 1:11 PM EDT reply actions
Seriously though, does Casey sell insurance in the Golden State? Didn’t he used to be the Quarterbacks coach at Arkansas or Mississippi State?
by Tom on Apr 11, 2008 1:27 PM EDT reply actions
He was a grad assistant at Miss. State for a little bit, but yeah, apparently no more.
Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy, and I say this as an orange-bleeder.
by Holly on Apr 11, 2008 1:36 PM EDT reply actions
Is the goldfish supposed to shoe the electrolytic properties of Moutain Dew, or the fact that is will fuck you up. One of the craziest things (and possible coolest party trick) I have seen in a while.
by Charlestownecock on Apr 11, 2008 1:41 PM EDT reply actions
That’s really a ‘w’ in show, not shoe.
by Charlestownecock on Apr 11, 2008 1:41 PM EDT reply actions
I’m pretty convinced that people in Kansas will fight you and cut you on the start date, if only because they don’t believe that the Earth existed in 832 AD.
by Eirishis on Apr 11, 2008 1:58 PM EDT reply actions
I had forgotten about the existence of “Baywatch Nights” until you brought it up in this post. A curse on your house!
by ChemE93 on Apr 11, 2008 2:00 PM EDT reply actions
Holly didn’t write all of it. That pocket Citgo in Decatur is a strictly Orsonian reference.
.
by Bobby Decatur on Apr 11, 2008 2:02 PM EDT reply actions
Holly, you wrote this? Outstanding!
Uh-OhÂ….
Wait, what?
by Holly on Apr 11, 2008 2:05 PM EDT reply actions
Just a reference to the upcoming "Stuff Red and Black people like.’
Remember “It’s AWN!”
by hunglikehussain on Apr 11, 2008 2:12 PM EDT reply actions
Better bring some bunda.
/Rick Astar warming up
by hunglikehussain on Apr 11, 2008 2:35 PM EDT reply actions
How long did that fish live after getting shocked back to life? A couple seconds? It was struggling there.
Just one more incredible thing someone had to actually figure out.
by Hannibal Montegna on Apr 11, 2008 2:52 PM EDT reply actions
11
He was a grad asst at Starksville for one or two years. Some of my fellow alumni had the delusion that his little brother would consider State.
At least he’dve gone to a bowl game and won more games in the SEC than ND did all year.
by yoyofutbawl on Apr 11, 2008 2:53 PM EDT reply actions
“turtle egg bastardman”…I love a string of words I’ve never seen used together…especially when they so vividly portray such irreverent nonsense. Love it.
by sb on Apr 11, 2008 2:56 PM EDT reply actions
Regarding Bowden, by “Baywatch Nights” if you meant “Boywatch Nights” I’d believe you.
by Out of Conference on Apr 11, 2008 2:59 PM EDT reply actions
Great stuff!. I really liked “turtle egg bastardman”. Go KU bastards!
by Teebone on Apr 11, 2008 3:02 PM EDT reply actions
You just pissed off a lot of Macedonians. Better watch you ass, Holly, and your horses, cows and chickens too.
by Sundawg on Apr 11, 2008 3:22 PM EDT reply actions
Did you mean Macedonians from the country, or Makedonians from Greece?
Pissed off Greeks with guns would like to know…
by AgnosticTheocrat on Apr 11, 2008 7:01 PM EDT reply actions
I am VERY interested in this hot buttered taffy about which Coach Muschamp speaks.
by Les Miles on Apr 12, 2008 10:52 AM EDT reply actions
This is probably a great time to correct our own mistake over at the Virtual Blue Lot.
We recently posted a picture of Rich Rodriguez (the interim coach at Michigan) and his wife in a story about her attending the courts to support their counter-suit against WfVU. Careful FBI scrutiny pointed out that the picture was actually of Skeletor from the 1980’s cartoon He Man and NOT Rita Rodriguez.
We regret the mistake.
by Hossnfeffer on Apr 12, 2008 8:05 PM EDT reply actions
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