Last Friday, we forgot cheesecake. This is for a number of different factors. First, we’re running out of big-assed Latinas with public domain photos. (We don’t really care about this, but it’s nice to say you do.) Second, we get horrendously drunk every Friday at 1:00 p.m. and stick with the Rekjavik Weekend diet until 5:00 pm. Sunday, meaning typing gets really, really difficult around 3:00 p.m.
So accept this as the Redemption Edition, where we just post a bunch of pictures of hot ladies of the blonde persuasion–including Mena Suvari’s outstanding, natural ass. If you complain about any of these ladies anonymously on the internet, then you HAVE A HUGE COCK AND ARE OBVIOUSLY BEYOND WEALTHY. Please post your phone number with your negative comments so that ladies can contact you. (Not that you need it, awash as you are in model trim, stud!)
Mistakes: we make ‘em. The corrections for the week of 4/11/08 follow.
Serbian, not Macedonian.
In a news bulletin last Monday, we stated that Penn State head coach Joe Paterno has retained the services of a Madeconian organized crime enforcer, Anton Yiminev, to ensure his players adhere to strict disciplinary guidelines for the remainder of the offseason. Mister Yiminev is from Serbia. We regret the error.
On Tuesday, we covered the story of a tiny stray dog named Winkie. Winkie was found under an overpass, encrusted with filth and malnourished to a frightening degree. Winkie has also lost a leg, was frightened of thunder, and demonstrated stress-related incontinence and heartworm. EDSBS apologizes for misidentifying Winkie, whose actual name is “The Temple Football Program.” We regret the error.
Texas DC Will Muschamp was quoted Wednesday as telling straggling safeties their tears tasted “like hot buttered taffy.” Mr. Muschamp’s assertion was, in fact, that the tears tasted “like hot buttered titties.” We regret the error.
On Tuesday, We referred to the founding date of the University of Kansas as 1865. This was an inaccuracy; the University of Kansas was founded in 832 B.C. by a band of passionately intellectual Cantonese monks with horrific senses of direction. This explains the Kansan tradition of eating barbecued dogs on sunny Wednesdays and the cheer “Rock Chalk Jayhawk,” which comes from the Cantonese “Rok Chok Jai Hok, roughly translated as “Next time bring a fucking compass, turtle egg bastardman.”
An interview with Clemson coach Tommy Bowden in Sunday’s CFB Style section listed his favorite television show as “Baywatch”. Coach Bowden’s favorite program is “Baywatch Nights.”
A feature on spring practice highlights listed the only touchdown of Florida’s final scrimmage as being thrown by Cameron Newton. The touchdown was actually thrown by Broadway star Carol Channing, who then delighted onlookers with a rousing rendition of Hello, Dolly. We regret the error.
Former Tennessee quarterback Casey Clausen was not, as we reported Tuesday morning, found dead of autoerotic asphyxiation in a Gatlinburg motel room. Mr. Clausen currently sells insurance in his native state of California. We regret the error.
Yesterday on this site, we published a speculative piece on Pete Carroll’s sudden need for batteries. Additional research has determined that the batteries are, in fact, a vital piece of the freshman conditioning program at USC.
We regret the error. The goldfish regrets not hiding in the plastic treasure chest in the pet shop aquarium.
On Wednesday, in our interview with BYU legend and Heisman Winner Ty Detmer, we identified the interviewee as “Ty Detmer, BYU Legend and Heisman winner.” In actuality, in the interview took place between Orson Swindle and Leonard “T-Money” Jerrell, a sketchy black dude who hangs out at the Citgo at the corner of Atlanta Road and Dekalb Avenue in Decatur, GA. Ty Detmer does not approve of your ass, ma’am, or at least because he has not seen it, though he is sure that it is a fine ass, if a bit large for his taste. Nor does he identify his chief interests as “ballin, and runnin’ this shit like the Dean of the Dec, lawya.” Ty Detmer has no wish to Ball or Run Shit. We regret the error.
SI also fronts a rehashed story by Rick Bragg, who talks about how Nick Saban bought his momma a house, how good fried pies are, and other non-threatening cornpone truths wrapped around a story about the hard-drinking, no count bastard that was his daddy.
Oh, no, no, no, no. This makes our gorge rise just reading it: details from the death of Ereck Plancher, the UCF freshman who died suddenly following conditioning drills last month.
One of the four players who spoke with the Sentinel, a veteran, disagreed, saying: “It was the toughest workout since I’ve been here. It definitely was not a light workout…
“Everybody was struggling at times,” one player said. “. . . But he [Ereck] was running, and I could tell something wasn’t right. His eyes got real dark, and he was squinting like he was blinded by the sun. He was making this moaning noise, trying to breathe real hard…”
All four players recall that O’Leary said to Plancher, “That’s a bunch of [expletive] out of you, son,” in the huddle. O’Leary denied cursing at Plancher but recalled telling people around him, “He’s better than that…”
Plancher was noticeably woozy and staggering as he tried to participate in the final jumping-jacks drill, the players said. The team finished those exercises, then huddled one final time. Plancher collapsed while walking away from the huddle, the players said.
There’s tragedy of multiple brands and tastes here. There’s also a quantity sure to become all too abundant for Plancher’s family and UCF: thousands and thousands of billable hours for attorneys.
Corn Nation informs us that the playbook at Nebraska–the 820,992 page Callahan-era monster–is still the playbook, only with the option, a few changes in terminology, some tweaks in the blocking scheme, and curly fries thrown in. Yay, complexity and curly fries!
Terrelle Pryor, bring hell with you. Because Todd Boeckman won’t go without a fight. That’s right, THE Todd Boeckman! You bring the beef, lawya, bettah bring you best, because TB is contagious, and there ain’t no cure once you get him, homey.
Due to some overdue columnage for The Sporting News, we’re putting the Curious Index off for a bit. In the meantime, Jim from Conquest Chronicles explains a bit about why Percy Harvin may be capable of only running 4.6 forties these days. Enjoy.
Mum has been the word as to what Percy Harvin had been suffering from that required Heel surgery.
I can only speculate, but in talking to a couple of Foot and Ankle specialists here in NYC the preliminary thought is Plantar Fasciitis possibly causing a nagging heel spur. The former will always come before the latter.
The heel bone is the largest bone in the foot and absorbs the most amount of shock and pressure. A heel spur develops as an abnormal growth of the heel bone. Calcium deposits form when the plantar fascia pulls away from the heel area, causing a bony protrusion, or heel spur to develop.
The plantar fascia is a broad band of fibrous tissue located along the bottom surface of the foot that runs from the heel to the forefoot. (more…)
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Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
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Comments? Questions? Long strings of profanities directed at something we said? Please send your comments to harumphharumph -a- yahoo -dot- com. Please direct all tailgating photos and stories to edsbsfans -a- gmail -dot- com.
Lake The Posts Northwestern football, which is purple and smarter than you and no thank you would NOT like a ten win season at the cost of academic integrity, thank you very much.
Maize ‘n Brew And still yet another strong, funny, and literate Michigan blogger. Embarrassment of riches over there, really.
MGoBlog The horribly, admirably partisan Kodiak Bear of UM Blogs
Serbian, not Macedonian.
Percy Harvin: Grounded for spring.
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