PETE CARROLL FACEBOOK UPDATE: HE NEEDS BATTERIES!
Pete Carroll’s Facebook updates have become a source of much mirth for us, mostly because they are so precisely Pete Carollish in every way. And we’re jacked to help him find batteries.
Reasons Pete Carroll might need those ever-so-scarce batteries:
1. Rey Maualugabot out of juice. (Maiming people takes voltage.)
2. Having battery collecting competition with someone, maniacially assembly piles of batteries in order to WIN FOREVER.
3. Wii controller died halfway through intense Tennis Match with Will Ferrell. The loser has to plunge their hand into the hot water heater and keep it there for three seconds! Yeah!
4. Taser not eliciting quality yalps! of excellence and pain from recruits like it should.
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1
Out of Conference says:
Maybe he should have his boy talk to the batteries, “Come on batteries, you’re not tired! There’s no tired today!”
April 10th, 2008 at 9:47 am
2
Brian says:
Dude Pete Carroll is CLEARLY making his own electric car.
How did you not see this?
And it will get 1,000 miles per charge, which he will get from hooking up to the aerobic equipment in the team training room.
April 10th, 2008 at 9:54 am
3
gerry dorsey says:
*yawn*…let me know when you become facebook friends with brennan carroll.
brennan carroll
hey, anybody got a whistle??
April 10th, 2008 at 9:56 am
4
Chips O'Toole says:
Pete is likely collecting batteries in order to ensure they are properly disposed of. Just trying to keep the planet a little greener for tomorrow’s five star recruits bro.
April 10th, 2008 at 10:05 am
5
Kenny says:
Angels need wings AND batteries it seems.
April 10th, 2008 at 10:11 am
6
Fat Randy says:
That line is from the Nike Sparq Training commercial. Pete says it among some other athletes and kids saying things in a way too fast fashion.
April 10th, 2008 at 10:31 am
7
JFW says:
It’s from that Nike commercial. Pete Carrol’s jackedness is better than your jackedness.
April 10th, 2008 at 10:31 am
8
USC Atheltic Department... (not) says:
for the record, Pete Carroll does not require batteries to operate properly. In fact, Pete Carroll charges batteries just by looking at them.
April 10th, 2008 at 10:37 am
9
Last Dragon says:
We don’t need no stinking batteries! Brennan Carroll doesn’t need whistles or stop watches. Certainly he can work without batteries.
April 10th, 2008 at 10:43 am
10
Stacy Keibler Luvs Me says:
Toys Dept:
Pete C is so dedicated to the USC footbaw program, that he needs batteries to give to the missus, if you know what I mean….
April 10th, 2008 at 10:48 am
11
ThreenOut says:
Maybe he just wants more of a pop than a supernova from exploding this time.
April 10th, 2008 at 10:52 am
12
Brian says:
#9 – Like you dont think Pete Carroll has enough energy to get in a good bi-weekly wife schtuping?
Your doubt disappoints me.
April 10th, 2008 at 10:59 am
13
GatorAM says:
#11 — Every two weeks? Egads. The woman will need batteries.
April 10th, 2008 at 11:06 am
14
Excuse me while I whip this out says:
He needs batteries to put in the remote controls for the 186″ plasma TVs that “mysteriously” ended up in the “extrremely low-rent” (read :”FREE”) homes that his star recruits and their families are living in now that they signed letters of intent with USC.
or maybe just for the calculators for the teaching assistants that are taking his players’ tests for them…
April 10th, 2008 at 11:11 am
15
Brian says:
by bi-weekly that means, two times a week. Every other week would be bi-monthly.
April 10th, 2008 at 11:29 am
16
Nordeezy says:
It’s all fun and game until someone starts hating. Now I need some batteries and sock….
April 10th, 2008 at 11:30 am
17
GatorAM says:
Nerd alert! bi-weekly is every two weeks, bi-monthly is every two months.
I don’t know about Mrs. Carroll… but bi-weekly is, how should I say… insufficient.
April 10th, 2008 at 11:40 am
18
Sacked says:
Peter Clay Carroll mixes the alkaline in the batteries with the blood of walk-ons and CREATES THE JACKEDNEST ENERGY DRINK KNOWN TO MAN.
April 10th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
19
M says:
I just love “WIN FOREVER” so much. I need one of those shirts.
April 10th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
20
DC Trojan says:
#14 – You must be new to this. Here’s how it works. When star players get a new extra large tv, they also get a work-study kid to change the channels for them. First team All-Americans get a young lady with flexible joints and morals to hold their beer and attend to other viewing time needs. Heisman candidates get two young ladies.
Similarly, the teaching assistants don’t need calculators because they have the answers already. It’s a transcription job – they already have the degrees, they don’t need to do the re-work.
Family housing is discouraged but happens on a case-by-case basis from third party providers. While the real estate around campus is inexpensive, it’s not that inexpensive.
April 10th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
21
Stacy Keibler Luvs Me says:
Pete does his thing with the missus 3 times in ONE night, then uses the rest of the week to work on the footbaw team, sleeping in the office most nights, hence, the need for batteries for the old lady.
April 10th, 2008 at 3:44 pm