OPEN CALL FOR ASSISTANCE
We’d like to ask our readers: do you know anyone who lives in Beijing? And would be willing to have a writer/blogger type pay a fair price to crash on a couch, bed, heated kang, hammock, or square of filthy floor? And in do not tell me that “yeah, everyone I know is leaving town and getting out and you’re right bullfucked when it comes to accommodations,” because this is not helpful, and then we’ll just have to tell you to go fuck to adjust the area.
China: rocking you like a hurricane since a billion years B.C. You’re welcome for the kites and gunpowder, btw.
More fine Chinglish at the Chinglish pool. (Via Bethei.)
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Having been there, if you’re willing to work with local / non-american hotels, you can get a good room most times for the equivalent of $10 or so a night. Sometimes places near schools have dorms that are sort of converted to hotels that are clean and friendly enough as well.
You’ll want to take your precious belongings with you wherever you go just in case (preferably concealed in a way that someone can’t cut out the bottom of your bag and take it/ them), but this is the way to go in my opinion.
Oh, and bring a translator. Especially for the taxis.
Comment by pz — April 9, 2008 @ 1:15 pm
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You do not need no stinking hotel. Needs such as yours are exactly — or at least in part — why the 24-hour bar were invented. . . . Besides, after a few drinks, all white guys will look the same to the fetching barmaid who just happens to have a square of filthy floor with your name on it. Plant the flag of Swindle Industries and show her what tapping into new markets is all about.
Comment by Allaha — April 9, 2008 @ 1:19 pm
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they dont allow the internet in china.
Comment by fife in the bay — April 9, 2008 @ 1:38 pm
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Orson shu? zh?ng guó.
Comment by The Conscience of a Nation — April 9, 2008 @ 1:43 pm
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damn diacritical marks didn’t work
Comment by The Conscience of a Nation — April 9, 2008 @ 1:44 pm
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Wear a Free Tibet t-shirt and you’ll be offered plenty of places to stay by the people’s hospitality committee.
Comment by Out of Conference — April 9, 2008 @ 2:10 pm
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Not only that but I bet they’ll put him up with a meal and bed for as long as he wants.
As long as “he wants” = life.
Comment by ThreenOut — April 9, 2008 @ 2:21 pm
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I would say whever that “area” may be it has to be quite the popular location and is probably in constant need of adjusting. Kinda like Notre Dame football.
Comment by MorningBeer — April 9, 2008 @ 2:25 pm
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I’ve got a buddy who lives there. It’s more inland than Beijing but it’s in the country.
Comment by rwphonics — April 9, 2008 @ 2:32 pm
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Dude I advise against attempting to attend the Olympics - if that is indeed the premise behind the request, and indeed, even going over there, unless you want to take years off your life from breathing their putrid raunchy air. Things didn’t work out so well for the real Orson Swindle the last time HE tried to pay a visit to asia. Just sayin.
I gave you the fair warning, but then, you probably were already familiar with all of that. I just didn’t want it on my conscience. Also, beware of licking anything that is painted, as it is probably lead paint, and not exactly healthy, though sugary indeed!
My cousin’s frat bro’s ex-girlfriend’s sister in law had a friend who was adopted from China. Does that help?
Comment by Brian — April 9, 2008 @ 2:32 pm
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I rive in Beijing. You shourd come to the Orympics. It’s gonna be awesome. I’rr ret you sreep on my couch.
Comment by intellidouche — April 9, 2008 @ 3:20 pm
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Orson, not that I can necessarily help, but could you tell us when you want to be there? Is it for the Olympics?
Comment by baconboy — April 9, 2008 @ 3:42 pm
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I live in Shanghai and have a spare bedroom. It’s only a 1.5 hour flight from here. There’s a lot more [redacting] going around here nowadays though.
Comment by T — April 9, 2008 @ 8:41 pm
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Make a call to Al Chervik…..Why just ask Wang, he bought land near the Great Wall…..on the good side.
Comment by shovel pass — April 9, 2008 @ 11:37 pm
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I’ve got a good friend who spent some time in China after teaching English in Taiwan a few years back. Maybe he can hook you up.
Comment by strano montana — April 10, 2008 @ 2:50 am
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I’ve got a good friend who spent some time in China after he taught English in Taiwan a few years back. Maybe he can hook you up.
Comment by stranko montana — April 10, 2008 @ 2:53 am
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The best place to stay for the Olympics is HOME. I am here in Beijing right now, posting on the internet that apparently I’m not supposed to be able to access. Most hotels are going to be priced to death during the games, as I’m sure you know. I’m in a hotel run by the Party, and this whole place is way more surreal than dirty, and it is incredibly dirty. I haven’t seen the sky for the smog in 5 days, and the locals keep saying that the (State run) news says it’s like this ’cause it’s about to rain. Not a drop yet, just the dirt settling on parked cars and any other thing left outdoors. On the up side, the food is way better than Japan or Korea, they believe in fire and putting food on top of it here. Oh, and if you are still misguided enough to come over here, clean out real well before traveling, and try not to poo for the week or more you are here. The indoor plumbing in this place is worse than a National Park porta-can.
Comment by warhol — April 10, 2008 @ 6:41 am
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“Hey Wang what’s with the pictures its a parking lot. Come on will ya!?”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vhzgTp8q9as
…Looks good on you though….
Comment by Brian — April 10, 2008 @ 8:09 am
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I know a couple of guys in/around/from Beijing. Maybe I can hook you up a bit.
More generally, if you want cheap rooms, stay away from university areas and such, hostels and such can be had for like $5 a night. Though any type of public restrooms should be avoided at all cost (luckily, Beijing isn’ t known for crazy spicy food so it’s not “as bad”, but still….) And bring a mask for the periodic sandstorms (maybe a goggle or two so you can actually see during those days).
Comment by moin — April 10, 2008 @ 2:25 pm