OPEN CALL FOR ASSISTANCE

Having been there, if you’re willing to work with local / non-american hotels, you can get a good room most times for the equivalent of $10 or so a night. Sometimes places near schools have dorms that are sort of converted to hotels that are clean and friendly enough as well.

You’ll want to take your precious belongings with you wherever you go just in case (preferably concealed in a way that someone can’t cut out the bottom of your bag and take it/ them), but this is the way to go in my opinion.

Oh, and bring a translator. Especially for the taxis.

You do not need no stinking hotel. Needs such as yours are exactly — or at least in part — why the 24-hour bar were invented. . . . Besides, after a few drinks, all white guys will look the same to the fetching barmaid who just happens to have a square of filthy floor with your name on it. Plant the flag of Swindle Industries and show her what tapping into new markets is all about.

they dont allow the internet in china.

Orson shu? zh?ng guó.

damn diacritical marks didn’t work

Wear a Free Tibet t-shirt and you’ll be offered plenty of places to stay by the people’s hospitality committee.

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Not only that but I bet they’ll put him up with a meal and bed for as long as he wants.

As long as “he wants” = life.

I would say whever that “area” may be it has to be quite the popular location and is probably in constant need of adjusting. Kinda like Notre Dame football.

I’ve got a buddy who lives there. It’s more inland than Beijing but it’s in the country.

Dude I advise against attempting to attend the Olympics – if that is indeed the premise behind the request, and indeed, even going over there, unless you want to take years off your life from breathing their putrid raunchy air. Things didn’t work out so well for the real Orson Swindle the last time HE tried to pay a visit to asia. Just sayin.

I gave you the fair warning, but then, you probably were already familiar with all of that. I just didn’t want it on my conscience. Also, beware of licking anything that is painted, as it is probably lead paint, and not exactly healthy, though sugary indeed!

My cousin’s frat bro’s ex-girlfriend’s sister in law had a friend who was adopted from China. Does that help?

I rive in Beijing. You shourd come to the Orympics. It’s gonna be awesome. I’rr ret you sreep on my couch.

Orson, not that I can necessarily help, but could you tell us when you want to be there? Is it for the Olympics?

I live in Shanghai and have a spare bedroom. It’s only a 1.5 hour flight from here. There’s a lot more [redacting] going around here nowadays though.

Make a call to Al Chervik…..Why just ask Wang, he bought land near the Great Wall…..on the good side.

I’ve got a good friend who spent some time in China after teaching English in Taiwan a few years back. Maybe he can hook you up.

I’ve got a good friend who spent some time in China after he taught English in Taiwan a few years back. Maybe he can hook you up.

The best place to stay for the Olympics is HOME. I am here in Beijing right now, posting on the internet that apparently I’m not supposed to be able to access. Most hotels are going to be priced to death during the games, as I’m sure you know. I’m in a hotel run by the Party, and this whole place is way more surreal than dirty, and it is incredibly dirty. I haven’t seen the sky for the smog in 5 days, and the locals keep saying that the (State run) news says it’s like this ‘cause it’s about to rain. Not a drop yet, just the dirt settling on parked cars and any other thing left outdoors. On the up side, the food is way better than Japan or Korea, they believe in fire and putting food on top of it here. Oh, and if you are still misguided enough to come over here, clean out real well before traveling, and try not to poo for the week or more you are here. The indoor plumbing in this place is worse than a National Park porta-can.

“Hey Wang what’s with the pictures its a parking lot. Come on will ya!?”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vhzgTp8q9as

…Looks good on you though….

I know a couple of guys in/around/from Beijing. Maybe I can hook you up a bit.

More generally, if you want cheap rooms, stay away from university areas and such, hostels and such can be had for like $5 a night. Though any type of public restrooms should be avoided at all cost (luckily, Beijing isn’ t known for crazy spicy food so it’s not “as bad”, but still….) And bring a mask for the periodic sandstorms (maybe a goggle or two so you can actually see during those days).