THEY'RE TOUGH IN PENNSYLTUCKY.
by Orson on Apr 8, 2008 2:25 PM EDT
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PrintIt may not be SEC speed, but the Big Ten has toughness in Costco-sized flats, sir.
Witnesses driving on the West Shore Bypass, or Route 422, saw the driver of the minivan climb out the drivers side window and onto the roof. The vehicle swerved and crashed into a concrete median.
The impact sent the vehicle back across the westbound lanes, and the man was thrown down a wooded embankment. Witnesses told police they thought the victim had been killed.
"They were shocked when he got back onto the road," Brown said, adding that the man had a foot-long gash in one side and his internal organs were exposed.
Did we mention the victim was naked? Anyone seen JoePa in the last two hours or so? (HT: TCOAN.)
Call the police, there's a madman around!,
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this is what happens when you rid central pennsylvania of the beloved chicken cosmo.
by jd on Apr 8, 2008 2:36 PM EDT reply actions
No big deal, just rub some dirt on it. It’ll be fine.
by Nick on Apr 8, 2008 2:37 PM EDT reply actions
Foot-long gash and internal organs exposed?
Put him on the Nittany Lions’ O-line depth chart post haste.
by Signal to Noise on Apr 8, 2008 2:41 PM EDT reply actions
re: Call the police, theres a madman around!
Sometimes youre better off dead
Theres gun in your hand and its pointing at your head
You think youre mad, too unstable
Kicking in chairs and knocking down tables
In a restaurant in a West End town
Call the police, theres a madman around
Running down underground to a dive bar
In a West End town
In a West End town, a dead end world
The East End boys and West End girls
In a West End town, a dead end world
The East End boys and West End girls
West End girls
Thanks,
Now I music running through my head is not played on Radio Disney
by Kerwin4two on Apr 8, 2008 2:43 PM EDT reply actions
I’m wondering if he put the van on cruise control before he got out.
by sonofsamford on Apr 8, 2008 2:46 PM EDT reply actions
Pennsylvania – Philadelphia in the east, Pittsburgh in the west and Alabama in the middle. Don’t remember who to credit, but true.
by Crabapple Buck on Apr 8, 2008 2:51 PM EDT reply actions
It’s Zach Slaybaugh. Chris Bell is in wild pursuit, hence the 12" gash.
by yoyofutbawl on Apr 8, 2008 2:58 PM EDT reply actions
Sounds like a Meth-head to me:
1. speeding minivan
2. driver climbing on roof of said minivan
3. nudity
4. immune to pain (at least initially)
5. Pennsylvania
Anyone know if the driver/victim’s mullet was mentioned?
by paco on Apr 8, 2008 3:26 PM EDT reply actions
Another example of my never-ending naivete…PA is home to the northern redneck…I never (until now) equated “nudity” with “redneck”. I can see the climbing out of a speeding minivan (check), I can see severe bodily injury resulting from said act (check) and the ability to self-ambulate back to the scene of the idiocy (check), but I would have thought there would have been denim and flannel bodily covering…shredded and bloody maybe, but some attempt at modesty. Rednecks (northern or otherwise) do not expose well.
by sb on Apr 8, 2008 3:39 PM EDT reply actions
“I never (until now) equated nudity with redneck.
You should watch reruns of COPS sometime.
by paco on Apr 8, 2008 3:44 PM EDT reply actions
Gotta give credit where credit is due; I first saw the story on QuizLaw.
by The Conscience of a Nation on Apr 8, 2008 4:09 PM EDT reply actions
TCOAN @ #12…thanks for the link…I think…complete with picture…there must be some way to link this to toxic waste/ingestion of nuclear byproducts…anything but the catchall “he’s just a crazy motherfucker”…
by sb on Apr 8, 2008 4:18 PM EDT reply actions
+2394802938402 cocktails to the Chicken Cosmo reference. I’ll miss you Chicken Cosmo.
by Dave on Apr 8, 2008 4:23 PM EDT reply actions
I believe the Chris Bell event is related to the disappearance of the Chicken Cosmo. If I was a student still and couldn’t get a Cosmo, I too might try to stab somebody.
by Dave on Apr 8, 2008 10:51 PM EDT reply actions
#6: That douchebag James Carville, I believe.
Pennsylvania: Home of Jack Palance and Charles Bronson.
by Run Up The Score on Apr 8, 2008 10:52 PM EDT reply actions
@3
By the looks of his slow plodding down the yellow line, he’s obviously already on the Michigan roster.
by NativeSon on Apr 9, 2008 8:43 AM EDT reply actions
- Native Son – Yeah, but he’s obviously not afraid of a little pain and hard workout.
by Out of Conference on Apr 9, 2008 9:39 AM EDT reply actions
Read the update…to make this even MORE classic, the van belonged to his EMPLOYER. Talk about “take this job and shove it.”
And they released him from the hospital; how do you go from critical condition/internal organs exposed to discharged in one day?
by the croominator on Apr 9, 2008 12:39 PM EDT reply actions
Crabapple Buck, it was Carville, but now, while we’re revisiting Penna Politics, Carville points out he originally said “Paoli and Penn Hills with Alabama in the Middle.”
But Pennsyltucky is the traditional moniker.
by for the glory of old state on Apr 9, 2008 2:49 PM EDT reply actions
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