THEY’RE TOUGH IN PENNSYLTUCKY.
It may not be SEC speed, but the Big Ten has toughness in Costco-sized flats, sir.
Witnesses driving on the West Shore Bypass, or Route 422, saw the driver of the minivan climb out the driver’s side window and onto the roof. The vehicle swerved and crashed into a concrete median.
The impact sent the vehicle back across the westbound lanes, and the man was thrown down a wooded embankment. Witnesses told police they thought the victim had been killed.
“They were shocked when he got back onto the road,” Brown said, adding that the man had a foot-long gash in one side and his internal organs were exposed.
Did we mention the victim was naked? Anyone seen JoePa in the last two hours or so? (HT: TCOAN.)
Call the police, there’s a madman around!,
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1
this is what happens when you rid central pennsylvania of the beloved chicken cosmo.
Comment by jd — April 8, 2008 @ 1:36 pm
2
No big deal, just rub some dirt on it. It’ll be fine.
Comment by Nick — April 8, 2008 @ 1:37 pm
3
Foot-long gash and internal organs exposed?
Put him on the Nittany Lions’ O-line depth chart post haste.
Comment by Signal to Noise — April 8, 2008 @ 1:41 pm
4
re: Call the police, there’s a madman around!
Sometimes you’re better off dead
There’s gun in your hand and it’s pointing at your head
You think you’re mad, too unstable
Kicking in chairs and knocking down tables
In a restaurant in a West End town
Call the police, there’s a madman around
Running down underground to a dive bar
In a West End town
In a West End town, a dead end world
The East End boys and West End girls
In a West End town, a dead end world
The East End boys and West End girls
West End girls
Thanks,
Now I music running through my head is not played on Radio Disney
Comment by Kerwin4two — April 8, 2008 @ 1:43 pm
5
I’m wondering if he put the van on cruise control before he got out.
Comment by sonofsamford — April 8, 2008 @ 1:46 pm
6
Pennsylvania - Philadelphia in the east, Pittsburgh in the west and Alabama in the middle. Don’t remember who to credit, but true.
Comment by Crabapple Buck — April 8, 2008 @ 1:51 pm
7
Styles has aged gracefully
Comment by DanF — April 8, 2008 @ 1:54 pm
8
It’s Zach Slaybaugh. Chris Bell is in wild pursuit, hence the 12″ gash.
Comment by yoyofutbawl — April 8, 2008 @ 1:58 pm
9
Sounds like a Meth-head to me:
1. speeding minivan
2. driver climbing on roof of said minivan
3. nudity
4. immune to pain (at least initially)
5. Pennsylvania
Anyone know if the driver/victim’s mullet was mentioned?
Comment by paco — April 8, 2008 @ 2:26 pm
10
Another example of my never-ending naivete…PA is home to the northern redneck…I never (until now) equated “nudity” with “redneck”. I can see the climbing out of a speeding minivan (check), I can see severe bodily injury resulting from said act (check) and the ability to self-ambulate back to the scene of the idiocy (check), but I would have thought there would have been denim and flannel bodily covering…shredded and bloody maybe, but some attempt at modesty. Rednecks (northern or otherwise) do not expose well.
Comment by sb — April 8, 2008 @ 2:39 pm
11
“I never (until now) equated “nudity” with “redneck”.
You should watch reruns of COPS sometime.
Comment by paco — April 8, 2008 @ 2:44 pm
12
Gotta give credit where credit is due; I first saw the story on QuizLaw.
Comment by The Conscience of a Nation — April 8, 2008 @ 3:09 pm
13
+1,000,000 cocktails for the Pets reference.
Comment by Doug — April 8, 2008 @ 3:11 pm
14
TCOAN @ #12…thanks for the link…I think…complete with picture…there must be some way to link this to toxic waste/ingestion of nuclear byproducts…anything but the catchall “he’s just a crazy motherfucker”…
Comment by sb — April 8, 2008 @ 3:18 pm
15
+2394802938402 cocktails to the Chicken Cosmo reference. I’ll miss you Chicken Cosmo.
Comment by Dave — April 8, 2008 @ 3:23 pm
16
Robitussin
Comment by SpookyJuice — April 8, 2008 @ 5:27 pm
17
Chicken cosmos at east halls. RIP
Comment by PSUrob — April 8, 2008 @ 6:06 pm
18
I believe the Chris Bell event is related to the disappearance of the Chicken Cosmo. If I was a student still and couldn’t get a Cosmo, I too might try to stab somebody.
Comment by Dave — April 8, 2008 @ 9:51 pm
19
#6: That douchebag James Carville, I believe.
Pennsylvania: Home of Jack Palance and Charles Bronson.
Comment by Run Up The Score — April 8, 2008 @ 9:52 pm
20
@3
By the looks of his slow plodding down the yellow line, he’s obviously already on the Michigan roster.
Comment by NativeSon — April 9, 2008 @ 7:43 am
21
#20 Native Son - Yeah, but he’s obviously not afraid of a little pain and hard workout.
Comment by Out of Conference — April 9, 2008 @ 8:39 am
22
Read the update…to make this even MORE classic, the van belonged to his EMPLOYER. Talk about “take this job and shove it.”
And they released him from the hospital; how do you go from critical condition/internal organs exposed to discharged in one day?
Comment by the croominator — April 9, 2008 @ 11:39 am
23
Crabapple Buck, it was Carville, but now, while we’re revisiting Penna Politics, Carville points out he originally said “Paoli and Penn Hills with Alabama in the Middle.”
But Pennsyltucky is the traditional moniker.
Comment by for the glory of old state — April 9, 2008 @ 1:49 pm