CURIOUS INDEX, 4/8/2008
by Orson on Apr 8, 2008 9:15 AM EDT
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This knife? Um, it's for the bread. Penn State wide receiver Chris Bell pulled an 8-inch knife on a teammate in the cafeteria at Penn State yesterday, and it was just as much fun as you'd imagine any other event involving a pulled knife in a public place. Zach Slaybaugh (senior-psychology) said he was working at the Pollock Commons desk when a person he referred to as a Penn State football player ran down from the team's dining room to the desk and said, "We got a guy with a knife who won't calm down." You know what that means: daaaaaaaaaaance par-tay! Or a dismissal from the team and charges of terroristic threats, simple assault, recklessly endangering another person, disorderly conduct and harassment. Or both, man. We're not gonna box you in like that, and this will get its own Fulmer Cup entry in a bit. But Christ with a knife, this is a phenomenal story, and not good for the whole question of whether Paterno's really in charge or not. (Fair? No. Will it make him look doddering and surrounded by wild boys with knives? Yes, kind of like a Mugabe on Route 322.) Run Up The Score summarizes nicely: Of course, that “Option #1? scenario implied that Bell would have pulled his head from his ass at any point in the next 12-18 months. Not only did he love running lazy or incorrect (sometimes both!) routes, he truly excelled in being an asshole in all facets of life. Well put. Read the rest here. PUrrrrrrr. That deep rumbling sound you hear is the deep, soulful satisfaction one can only get when you say the words "we will be running the option" to a Nebraska fan. Because according to Bo Pelini, "the option will be part of the offense," though to what extent is unclear. Whatever: it's rubbin' time in Nebraska. Work is cancelled, and the lovin' shall commence immediately with a forecast of fierce penetration and excellent pitching all over the field. Neither Cock is obviously preferable. QBs Chris Smelley and Tommy Beecher would probably be rotating, according to Steve Spurrier after the Gamecocks' second scrimmage of the year, thus proving that Steve Spurrier is still attempting to work the magic of a trend of one from a single game in 1997. The trend of one! Get on the bandwagon now, hipsters. Would I talk to Phil? Let me call Phil and ask him what I should say. At Oregon, Phil Knight runs this shit, and you know it, AD Pat Kilkenny. Points for honesty on television mean he at least has a relatively low bullshit content, and that is to be commended, even if he is tied up eight ways to Sunday with the board of trustees, boosters, and with Knight himself. |
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I love how the Nebraska link is to a website for “KRVN 880 Rural Radio.” That just fits so well.
Fun fact: on game days, Memorial Stadium becomes the third largest city in the state!
by Dave on Apr 8, 2008 9:22 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Bill Callahan doesn’t have time for that geezer option ****.
by ThreenOut on Apr 8, 2008 9:26 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Fill in the Blank!
Chris Bell will be transferring to ________ next season. Penal institutitions are not acceptable answers.
by yoyofutbawl on Apr 8, 2008 9:46 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Wow, Penn State can’t even cut corners correctly.
You’re supposed to get TALENTED thugs.
(See Ryan P and Mo Clarett)
by Pants McPants on Apr 8, 2008 9:49 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Curious Index : Still being on Volume 1 :: Gmail : Still being in “beta”
by WorstFan on Apr 8, 2008 10:07 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Re: the Chris Bell item, Ryan Perrilloux is furious that he didn’t think of that first.
by Doug on Apr 8, 2008 10:15 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
we should back off bell and at least give him credit for bringing it old school – in a world where your average thug is prone to pull a gun at the drop of a hat, it’s refreshing to see a thug who has forgone the skill-less point-bang simplicity of a firearm for a more traditional, hand-to-hand combat weapon – i can only hope that he uses his extra free time to work on his stabby skills
by okiedomer on Apr 8, 2008 10:21 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
re: Mugabe on 322….. Some pretty eerie similiarities at the moment between the two aging dictators.
by DanF on Apr 8, 2008 11:09 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Who do you call when a team of huge, well-trained athletes can’t get a madman under control?
Zach Slaybaugh, that’s who.
by PW on Apr 8, 2008 11:16 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Zach Slaybaugh is actually Jack Bauer – deep undercover. Next stop – Baton Rouge to consult with Perrilloux.
by beast in bama on Apr 8, 2008 11:45 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Meanwhile, 3 planes ran into each other from that dude dancing.
by Brian O'Blivion on Apr 8, 2008 11:49 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
- Wf’nV would seem to a natural- close and with Noel D as a runnin’ mate and Pman and CHen as role models, well- Oh- hold that Dick Rod is gone to UM. Well, they might have openings in thw Gen Stud program there.
by MassDad on Apr 8, 2008 11:54 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Still can’t type- the.
Anyway Noel and Bell- has a nice ring to it.
by MassDad on Apr 8, 2008 11:57 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Bell, along with Hazleton, had massive disciplinary issues in high school, same class I believe, so this is not too surprising.
Something about those uber talented Tidewater WRs equates to thuggery and/or mental imbalances.
Thus, I can’t recall if Percy Harvin was in that same class as well, but if he was, I expect him to take a dormitory hostage any day now.
by Coop on Apr 8, 2008 12:01 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Hey Orson,
Have you ever did a Big Baller Booster ranking? Does T. Boone Pickens at Okie State rank higher than Phil Knight at Oregon? What about the Haas fam (Levi’s heirs) at Cal? Just askin’
by Lawrence Ross on Apr 8, 2008 12:14 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
The Notre Dame School of Business is interested in this Booty Drop concept and execution of same in a war zone. Look for a scholarship offer to be made in exchange for an upgrade on the tailgate parquet.
by DC Trojan on Apr 8, 2008 12:20 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
T. Boone > Phil Knight because T. Boone never went public.
When you own the company, at the end of the day, the profits come back to you.
Knight’s net worth does fluctuate depending on Nike’s stock prices, naturally, but until Knight agrees to a PE firm takeover, T. Boone owns his ass.
If the Waltons were not divided 5 ways or so, they would trump the Levis people, and I believe the Tysons do as well.
I don’t want to think about how much the Stephens (Arkansas, again) are worth, and throw in the Fords (Alltel Fords) for good measure.
How does Arkansas not have the best facilities in the country with their pockets of money?
by Coop on Apr 8, 2008 12:23 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Coop – The reason those Arkansas families are rich is they have only backed winners.
by Crabapple Buck on Apr 8, 2008 12:31 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Technically, but not in reality, T Boone only owns a 46% interest in BP Capital, which obviously means they don’t authorize bathroom remodelings without T Boone’s express consent, naturally.
Anyway, I will never understand how his son avoided federal prison for his escapades (wink wink nod nod) but I guess it is good to have that sort of money.
Also must be nice to be able to write a check for over $1MM for restitution charges without blinking an eye.
by Coop on Apr 8, 2008 12:42 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
17
Dickie Scruggs (Ole Pi$$) ranks up there (tobacco settlement $1+ bil) but is eligible when he’s in prison w/ Mike Vick?
by yoyofutbawl on Apr 8, 2008 1:02 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Sorry, 23, but T Boone is worth over $3 Billion, and made over $900MM last year.
An ambulance chasing contingency lawyer might have picked up a cool $333MM via big tobacco, pre tax and not including all the expenses his firm accrued some of which are not tax deductible, but he has a long way to go to get to the big boys.
Have a good week, as I am off to Augusta…
by Coop on Apr 8, 2008 1:12 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
#18
“did’ was funnier.
Also, as I Nebraskan, it’s clear that Orson’s understanding of our reaction to hearing the words “we are going to run the option” is pretty superficial: one can save a marriage with those words in these parts. For reals.
by Carlinthemarlin on Apr 8, 2008 1:24 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Coop,
Some would argue that Arkansas does have the finest facilities. If not the best, they are way up there.
What’s amazing is that it hasn’t translated to more W’s.
by that guy on Apr 8, 2008 1:48 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
#24…Approx. $1 bill WAS the atty fee on that, something Dickie and his son will have time to think about as they await their federal sentencing in a few weeks. “Welcome to Angola Mr. Scruggs….watch your cornhole!”
by MSLawDawg on Apr 8, 2008 1:56 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
completely ancillary point, but the mention of chris bell always makes me a little sad.
by kleph on Apr 8, 2008 2:29 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
I blame the Chris Bell knife episode on Penn State Housing & Food Services for discontinuing the Chicken Cosmo sandwich. Chris Bell’s situation was obviously a depressive reaction to not getting the deliciousness that is the chicken cosmo.
by Dave on Apr 8, 2008 10:49 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Dave – I thought the same thing at RunUpTheScore…
Either we are great minds or complete fucking copycats.
Mmmmmmm cosmo.
by Cock D on Apr 9, 2008 8:12 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
As a close personal friend of Phil Knight’s, I can assure you he would never use his money to influnce the outcome of anything in Oregon’s favor.
Sincerely,
Gordon Reise
(ps Go Ducks!)
by Soonertruth on Apr 10, 2008 12:52 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
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