COACH, THAT'S NOT A PROBLEM. REALLY.

by Orson on Apr 8, 2008 3:42 PM EDT

Corwin Brown, Notre Dame defensive coordinator, is doing what every defensive coordinator who doesn't have the perfect lineup this spring is doing: tinkering, moving pieces around like an interior decorator swings furniture around, waiting for that perfect Ping! arrangment that just screams "sophisticated neocolonial style!" Wait. We meant, "Skull-slamming defensive rotation." (It's so easy to get the two confused, sometimes.)

Brown has one guy he's particularly fond of, and hopes to stay fond of safety Harrison Smith, who unlike previous safety Tom Zbikowski and several coal towns in West Virginia, is not currently on fire. And unlike all those other asshole players he's coached, Corwin Brown hopes he won't defecate in his food. Again!

"He's a hard-working [player], he's smart, he's tough. I don't want to say too many good things about him, though, because he'll probably poop in my lunch bucket."

Threat, dare, or invitation? Corwin Brown, after a Notre Dame loss this year, will walk sad laps in short pants and a prep school tie and jacket with a reeking lunchpail, tears welling down his face. Mom! They did it again! For Notre Dame players, this could evolve into a powerful motivational technique for the player on the defense demonstrating the least effort in a game: the Corwin Brown Craptacular Lunch Bucket of Shame.

Chunky is the disappointment of bearing the Corwin Brown Craptacular Lunch Bucket of Shame.

Tweet Comment 16 comments | 0 recs |

Do you like this story?

Comments

I thought TEH-NUH-TAH was the Irish’s Defensive Coordinator. Who the hell is Corwin Brown?

by Walrus on Apr 8, 2008 3:59 PM EDT reply actions

He’s the Defensive Coordinator.

by IrishCane on Apr 8, 2008 4:09 PM EDT reply actions

They call TAH-NOO-TAH the “assistant head coach” on defense. Brown is still technically coordinator.

by Orson Swindle on Apr 8, 2008 4:09 PM EDT reply actions

Between Brown’s lunch-bucket latrine and Tommy Bowden’s tight-pants envy, there ought to be a memo to all coaches…“STFU”…or for those who can read, “Better to say nothing and let people think your stupid than to speak and leave no doubt.”

Not that I am advocating the stifling if idiotic coach-speak, just sayin’.

by sb on Apr 8, 2008 4:10 PM EDT reply actions

Just out of curiosity, if Smith actually did that, how many Fulmer Cup points would we be talking about?

by Doug on Apr 8, 2008 4:10 PM EDT reply actions

At least two for style Doug.

BTW, moments like this is when it sucks that your rival has hired one of your alums.

by maskedavenger on Apr 8, 2008 4:17 PM EDT reply actions

at least shitting in a coach’s lunchbox would be a sign of aggression, something we haven’t seen from the Irish defense since…hell, since i can’t even remember when

by okiedomer on Apr 8, 2008 4:21 PM EDT reply actions

This should be a CFB and not exclusively ND (well, they would have been a frontrunner last year) weekly award this fall with points a la the Fulmer Cup.

Winner gets an all expense paid tour of the Hormel plant in Austin, MN in January. With free ice fishing and a year’s supply of SPAM.

by yoyofutbawl on Apr 8, 2008 4:30 PM EDT reply actions

The article’s title? “Mining for Gold” Sometimes, writing this blog must be the easiest thing in the world

by Harris on Apr 8, 2008 4:58 PM EDT reply actions

Najeh Davenport doesn’t think that is funny.

by Brian O'Blivion on Apr 8, 2008 5:23 PM EDT reply actions

LOL @ 10.

by Domer Guy on Apr 8, 2008 5:36 PM EDT reply actions

Harrison Smith taking a few reps at OLB during one spring practice doesn’t mean that Corwin is less than satisifed with the current defensive lineup. In fact, OLB is one of ND’s strongest positions.

Brown sometimes likes to replace a linebacker with a safety on obvious passing downs in order to augment the unit’s coverage ability. He did the exact same thing with Tommy Z last year. Harrison Smith is the obvious choice in this situation because he is by all accounts a physical freak of nature and needs to see the field in some capacity. He’s not starting at safety because he’s still young and the safety position is by far the deepest on ND’s roster, so why not see if he can contribute elsewhere?

In short, I think it’s inaccurate to accuse Corwin of “tinkering” because he “doesn’t have a perfect lineup.” This isn’t to say that ND is free from defensive question marks (far from it), but it’s still incorrect to assume that every trivial bit of news coming out of spring practice signifies something bad.

by Sean on Apr 8, 2008 5:40 PM EDT reply actions

That’s Najeh Davenpoop. Damn it, you beat me to it.

That D-coordinators got some weird fetishes. Maybe he should coach a non-catholic school for a while

by SpookyJuice on Apr 8, 2008 6:30 PM EDT reply actions

Anyone know why the official ND site does not list the results for the 2007 football season? Are they still compiling Clausen’s stats? It’s one thing to want to forget an embarassment, it’s another to try and pretend it never happened. Own it, domers!

by Defender90 on Apr 8, 2008 7:23 PM EDT reply actions

Oh, I wish I’d seen this earlier so I could’ve waxed poetic about Harrison Smith. He played high school ball with one of my baby brothers, and he’s a fucking nightmare. Watch out.

(HARRISON: COME HOME. ALL IS FORGIVEN.)

by Holly on Apr 8, 2008 8:04 PM EDT reply actions

Sean @12 – It may be incorrect to assume “that every trivial bit of news coming out of spring practice signifies something bad”, but still a high percentage assumption, nonetheless.

by Out of Conference on Apr 9, 2008 9:44 AM EDT reply actions