The big board returns this week, courtesy of Brian, who is hung like Reggie F’n Nelson. We think we’re up to speed on Virginia’s suddenly impressive point total. Arguments, half-assed justifications, and more lousy accounting follow.

Virginia stands Cavalier strong at twelve after some review of the accounting following the arrest of J’Courtney Williams for credit card theft last week. Add in Mike Brown’s spectacular work with grand larceny, and we have ourselves an academically prestigious contender with outlaw tendencies. Al Groh commented on the situation by saying “meh.” One question: we have this nagging feeling we owe them points, which if true we’re sure someone will be happy to point out for us.

West Virginia stays in the hunt, hanging in there and looking like a real contender to unseat Missouri’s impressive lead. Also rising with a bullet (hahahahah!) is Mississippi State, who had two players booted last week after you know an ho-hum la-di-dah GUNFIGHT on campus with a non-student. Colorado has also had the consistent snap and pop of a team capable of nickel and diming its way into things, as well, though if Missouri pulls another score they’re looking like the definitive front-runner.

Where’s our Obama to unseat them going into the month of graduation parties and the end of spring practice? You might think you can’t get caught for underage drinking, and you might be reneging on that lifelong ambition to steal a car in a stoned haze with a pocket full of ripe bud, but we tell you collegiate America: Yes you can! Yes you can!