LSU held their spring game, and the stat sheet just reads “Richard Murphy, EXCALIBUR!.” 145 yards on 11 carries, a 53 yard swing pass for a TD, and most importantly, no incidents of flamboyant behavior in strip clubs or tossing ethnic slurs at Arab-Americans in doing it.


Richard Murphy: #1,453 in LSU’s list of astonishingly talented running backs since 1995.

Can he throw passes? Seriously, in Crowton’s system they just throw it about four yards down the field at a time anyway on everything but play-action. This could eliminate at least one huge potential problem for LSU this season. It was all two-tight, I-form vanilla for the most part, but that’s your spring diet for you. Bland but nutritious, and it better be–it’s all you have for five months.

Georgia gets their buys, sells, and holds from Carter Strickland, and if you like horrifying running backs with Nightcrawler moves, stay nice: UGA has another one besides Knowshon Moreno, Caleb King, on the way. And the news gets worse: thanks to last year’s Cocktail Party, they have the healing powers of Gator blood!. They’ve got vials of the stuff, or at least they should.

We recommend Soulja Boy. We remember reading how Singapore began teaching classes on “creativity” a few years ago, an odd concept for a city-state anal-retentive enough to have a chewing-gum ban everywhere at all times. This reminded us of that exact moment:

He stopped a drill after a big defensive play because the players didn’t celebrate fast enough. This is a contrast to previous years, when the Irish seemed unemotional on the field. And with emotion comes confidence.

Festivity! Let’s see some festivity here! See, you might wanna chest bump someone like this, or perhaps point to the crowd. Consider flexing your arms while crossing them elbows-first in an ‘x’, or borrowing another gesture from a contemporary rap song. And you must do it within 1.4 seconds of the play. EXACTLY 1.4 SECONDS. See, that’s how to be spontaneously exuberant, people! On three…(WHISTLE!)

Oh, and after practice, remember: layer, layer, layer!

Lessons in Creativity, Part two. The Wildhawg formation–already a dreadfully dull name–is reborn as the…wait for it, wait for it…“Wild Rebel” formation. We can think of a thousand more interesting Mississippi-themed names for the formation:

–The Vardaman!
–The Lowest Per Capita Income in the United States-bone
–The “Yes They Deserved to Die, and I Hope They Burn in Hell!” ‘n Gun, sponsored by John Grisham.

Iowa State, she has a no kicker.

Because you needed slapping down, here’s you’re inspirational J.R. Ewing moment for the day. Remember, J.R. runs this shit, and you’ll be swept out with the trash in the morning when he’s done with you.

Come on, Vaughn. I’ll buy you a drink.