Everyday Should Be Saturday

April 4, 2008

THE CORRECTIONS: 4/4/08

Mistakes: we make them. The corrections for the week of 3/31–4/4/08 follow.

–On Thursday, in our piece on the spread option, we suggested that Rich Rodgriguez played the lead role in the 1992 horror film Dr. Giggles. This role was played by Larry Drake. We regret the error.


We regret the error.

–Earlier in the week, we reported that Rick Neuheisel was seen escorting a dozen rising high school seniors to Scores, a downtown Los Angeles strip club. They were actually spotted at Spearmint Rhino. We regret the error.

–We also reported that UCLA “may have serious offensive line depth issues.” This was inaccurate, and we apologize. UCLA has no offensive line, and therefore no issues.

–In a piece on Notre Dame quarterback Jimmy Clausen, we reported that his early spring passes “fluttered through the air like the flight patterns of his totem, the emu.” The emu is a flightless bird. We regret the error.

–On Monday, we listed Frank Beamer’s hometown as “Mt. Airy, North Carolina.” There is no such state as North Carolina, and as it turns out, no such town as Mt. Airy. His true hometown is Gritnails, West Virginia, a small town outside of Barbedwiredsburg. We regret the error.

–In our weekly ACC roundup, we reported that Virginia’s Al Groh took the news of his players’ latest legal woes in silence, with merely a raised eyebrow. Further research indicated that Coach Groh was actually sleeping at the time and dreaming of a particularly intriguing dish of tapioca. We regret the error.

–Yesterday’s Daily Ryan Perrilloux Blotter post reported that the LSU quarterback’s latest banishment from the practice field resulted from his hijacking of a paddle-wheel boat in a nearby bayou last weekend. The vessel in question was a pontoon boat. We regret the error.

–On Wednesday, we showed video of old Michigan workout routines. We apologize: this footage was actually from Olivia Newton John’s “Physical” video. The correct footage is posted below.

–Tuesday’s spring practice report stated that Seminoles head coach Bobby Bowden has been teaching flat-footed receivers to dance the Maypole to improve agility. The players have been learning “Bad, Bad Leroy Brown.” We regret the error.

Monday’s “TV Bulletin” reported that the Miami/Florida game on September 6th has been moved to 6 p.m., EST. This is incorrect. A representative from the Miami program requested a move to kickoff the game at “10:00 p.m. or so-ish” in order to allow locals to be on time and lookin’ right and shit. We regret the error.



Filed under: Coaches, the BCS, scandals, arrests, and other eccentri, College football, we regret the error  by Orson Swindle

TALES OF HORRIFIC COACHING PAIN, VOL. 2

Story-toppers, like haters or zombies, are everywhere, but let’s just stop asking head coaches about their personal lives? Ever? Frank Beamer was horribly burned as a young man, Randy Shannon lost pretty much his entire family to AIDS and drugs, and now Ted Miller has a piece on ESPN.com on new Washington State coach Paul Wulff, who doesn’t want to be a downer or anything, but…

What’s the worst thing that could happen to a child? Both parents dying? That would be horrible. But Paul Wulff, Washington State’s new football coach, endured something even more excruciating when he was 12 years old.

His mother disappeared on a July night in 1979. Significant evidence suggested she was murdered. And it pointed toward one suspect.

Wulff’s alcoholic father.

Oh, but wait. Remember, at the end of Cannibal, The Musical, when Trey Parker suggests that the one thing that life had taught him was that just when you think things can’t get worse, they usually do? Of course you do, and you should be thinking it right now as you read the other absolutely horrific, unspeakable thing that happened to Paul Wulff.

What’s the worst thing that could happen to a husband? His young, vibrant wife dying? Paul Wulff also knows how that feels. His first wife, Tammy, his college sweetheart, died in his arms in 2002 after a five-year battle with brain cancer. She was 39.

Um…is this going to make USC running up the score on them this year a bit more shameful? Answer: yes. Will it happen? The Cougars only have around 60 scholarship players around, meaning they likely won’t even have a spring game, so answer there = yes, as well. It just won’t feel as good as it usually does. Who cares, though? Relatively speaking, for Wulff, a tough season with a skimpy roster ain’t shit in terms of challenge.


No, I mean it, this is no big deal. TRUST ME HERE.



Filed under: Coaches, the BCS, scandals, arrests, and other eccentri, College football, Pacific 10 Conference, pain pain pain  by Orson Swindle

YOUR FRIDAY SONG OF CGAMWFFGH

Your Friday Song of Crushing Glass And Metal Wreckage Falling From Great Heights: Mastodon’s “Colony of Birchmen.”

You had us at “run with death” and “this video was shot in Ruby Falls.”



Filed under: Uncategorized  by Orson Swindle

SWINDLE INDUSTRIES UPDATE

Three things:

One: Patrick has your Final Four Previews a comin’ over at Thirty-Five Seconds, including a barbecue-flavored spicy review of Memphis.

Two: People love making the same mistakes over and over again, especially in the NFL Draft, as we point out in the SN this week. Tim Te-blow! Oh, how droll!

Three: LD stole Pete Fountain’s mustache and goatee. Someone alert the authorities.

Four: This was on the Wiz this morning, and taken by Shane Durrance: a photo of the tornado that hit the Georgia Dome while we were in it. Go to his site for the big one.

Can you say INDEPENDENCE DAY?



Filed under: Blog Buddies, Coaches, the BCS, scandals, arrests, and other eccentri, College football, blatant homerism, media whoring  by Orson Swindle

CURIOUS INDEX, 4/4/2008

Freshman abuse at USC! Pete Carroll won’t tolerate it.

That’s all a prank on senior defensive end Everson Griffen, who “physically abused” freshman Matt Meyer on the practice tape shown in the clip. Matt Meyer, All-American offensive lineman 2010. Book it. Get dogged like that in front of the team, and he’ll either be lifting weights till his eyebrows bulge, or he’ll be off the team, getting a music degree and doing yoga just to stay limber, man.

Ryan Perriloux, terrorist hunter, is to be honored along with the rest of the LSU Tigers when they visit the White House in honor of their BCS title game. President Bush will…there’s not even a joke here we can make. In lieu of rational thought, we will just say that we hope RP takes offense to something, sets fire to a set of drapes, and is then appointed Czar of the War on Terrorism, a war he will prosecute by harassing every Arab-American waitron and barkeep in America.

And now, a picture of Al Davis shaking hands with Darth Vader.

You don’t dump Fresno State without feeling the burn, dude. Fresno State quarterback Tom Brandstadter thinks you’re skurred, Ron Prince, after dumping Fresno State from K-State’s schedule for 2008.

“They’re probably tired of getting whooped by us,” said Brandstater, who led Fresno State to a 45-29 win against Kansas State last season. The Bulldogs also beat the Wildcats 45-21 in 2004. “I don’t blame them.

“So, I wish them the best. We got the better of them two times in a row.”

Pat Hill’s mustache is taunting you as we speak, Ron Prince. It’s also drinking a beer and riding a Harley across the nation trying to find itself and the wild spirit of the highway, man.

Man, what a hose that kid has. Tommy Bowden’s not the only guy capable of making slightly awkward comments about his players. Thunderlegged freshman kicker Caleb Sturgis gets a profile piece in the Alligator, and in the course of detailing just what a massive leg the dude has this quote dropped in there.

“Oh my gosh, does he have a hose,” Meyer said. “He’s got a bomb. It sounds the way it’s supposed to when it hits his foot.”

Analyst? Apologies. The job description read “Cheerleader.” Peter Tom Willis, radio color guy for FSU broadcasts, is out after two years of being “too critical,” in his own estimation, of Florida State’s slide into mediocrity.

“I don’t know how you say things are going good when they are not.”

You just do! Even if they’re not true. That’s what a color analyst for Florida has to do, especially one looking at the offense. You know we’re smiling as we type this, right? And holding sparklers and champagne?



Filed under: Big 12 Conference, Blog Buddies, Coaches, the BCS, scandals, arrests, and other eccentri, College football, Mid Major Conferences, Pacific 10 Conference, Southeastern Conference  by Orson Swindle

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