Hey! You with the grill! Get me some Hypnotiq, pronto! Whaddya mean you're closed!

In the South, we do racism eight crazy ways, sir. See the alleged comments of Ryan Perrilloux for a fine example of that:

Another employee at Kona Grill confirmed Wednesday that Ryan Perrilloux was involved in a verbal altercation at the restaurant, saying the junior quarterback called a server "Osama."

The employee agreed to speak to The Daily Reveille under the condition of anonymity and said the incident occurred Sunday around 10 p.m.

Arab-Americans, being such a large and vocal portion of the LSU fanbase, are sure to be outraged. Whereas we can see other fans asking, "Well, what's he supposed to call him? Habib? Sammy? Omar Sharif?" Interesting statistic: as Cajun spicy awesome as this story is, if true, this surprises a grand total of zero people surveyed for this column.*

And you never know: maybe Osama Bin Laden is ACTUALLY WORKING AT AN UPSCALE BAR IN BATON ROUGE!!! If so, Ryan Perrilloux is a hero, and we're all traitors for not listening.

* Sample size=us, but still: you're not surprised, either.